But I was out walking today, I felt a different vibe in the air. I'm feeling a bit restless.
I also did not get to the gym today. I really need to go to the gym. I've been spending too much time on my android phone. Mostly on Facebook.
And I just had a flash of insight. About my love life. Or lack thereof. I realize I have been extremely selfish. Since I edited my profile on POF (Plenty of Fish), to put God and family first AND explain that I was carless by choice, my inbox has been eerily quiet.
I looked at some of the men's profiles. One stood out in particular. He was about my age, Christian, employed. But he said he is looking for a woman to spend time with. One of her qualities needed to be "financial independence".
Bingo. Light bulb. Thunderbolts of lightening. Very very frightening!
I deactivated my account.
You see, I may be in pretty good health, pretty fine shape, and more stable emotionally than I have been in many moons. But I am by no means financial stable. Sigh.
All this work on me and the truth is staring me in my face. I am guilty of reverse sexism. When I started dabbling in the personals, my first "contestant" told me that I should plan on buying my own drink. It was only fair so we could be equal. I remember being slightly taken aback. But realized he was right.
And one of my Facebook friends also confirmed this. If we each pay our own way, there is no expectation.
I have reverted to my 80's self that expects the man to pay, especially if he does the asking out.
But at this stage of the game, I should pay my own way. And right now I cannot. I have been avoiding the fact that I really need to get another job. I love teaching. I always will. But in between terms, the cupboards are bare.
I live with my daughter and son-in-law. They are very flexible with me. Especially since I do a lot of dishes, help with groceries and cooking.
And I love them dearly. But someday I would like my own place again.
Soooo...reality hit me hard on the head today.
And for once I paid attention.
All this work on myself, will go into making me employable. And shopping for a date online really does not work for me. If I meet someone, I meet someone.
And, when I become financially stable again, and can hold my head up high, and if I am still single then, there will always be plenty of fish.....
I feel better now. I so needed to get that off of my chest!
On a happier note, I am going to share my stats with you tomorrow and go back for a LONG workout in the gym. Back on track I hope to be!
Happy Thursday!
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