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Year Four, Day 299: Now This is 60...

 ...and what have I done?




Yesterday was my birthday. And today I am quite content with my age. First of all, turning 60 is not as tragic as I had imagined many, many moons ago.

I feel like I have shed so much baggage over the last few years. And more importantly, gained a gentler perspective on life. Grandchildren will do that!

As of this moment, I have 4 grandchildren; a 4 year-old granddaughter, a 2 year-old grandson and 7 1/2 month old twin granddaughters.

Ask me at some not so distant moment in the future, and I will have 5!  My son and his wife are very pregnant.  My newest granddaughter is due 1/18.  We thought she might make a landing yesterday, 1/14. That was my birthday.  The big 6 0hhhh!

For the last year I was seeing this birthdate as a kind of destination. I was hoping to have reached my desired weight.  That didn't quite happen.  But so much more did. We are still stuck in a pandemic. With that has come many changes.  At first there was fear, uncertainty and some denial.  Now I feel a kind of ambivalence to change.  Perhaps resignation. 


Pandemic aside, I intend to rise above the ambivalence!  I made it to 60! I still have some health issues I need to attend to. The weight is one. I would still like to lose another 40 pounds. But I am not in a hurry. The changes I seek are subtle ones.  One thing that seems to be subsiding is the fear and anxiety.  Which is big for me.  Worry has ruled most of my life.  But reaching 60, in decent shape does seem like a bit of an achievement.  

I'm not ready to hit the gym again, which is high on my list. I've eased back into walking, stretching and hooping.  I am focusing on my priority of work and family.  

I am coming out of a state of extreme fatigue. I think it is change fatigue. My boyfriend is suffering too. I am tired with an increase in allergy symptoms. He is tired with back pain.   In the past month we have emptied my public storage, moved me out and into his home. I accompanied my daughter and her family to move to Idaho. That was quite an adventure as you may have read!  When I returned to Portland, we helped my son and his family move.  Now we can barely move!

So I am easing into this new era gently. I think "gentle" is the perfect word to describe the next season of my life.  I feel like so much of my last era, which began with motherhood, was survival, and pushing forward without hardly catching my breath.

Perhaps that is what I need to learn. My lungs are my weak health point. Perhaps I need to stop and breathe more. Enjoy the present moment. I've been preaching breathing into the present moment for such a long time, beginning back when I was a massage therapist. Perhaps I am finally ready to take my own advice.

Yesterday, as I walked from my boyfriend's home to the bus stop, I felt a surge of joy.  And a feeling a release.  Nothing weighing me down.  I had a pleasant walk to the bus stop and a short bus ride.  After I hopped off the bus, I walked a few blocks to Starbucks. I got a free birthday drink yesterday.

I sat and sipped my Venti Soy Pistachio Latte as I read birthday wishes from friends and family on Facebook.  I felt so much joy and contentment.  

I had a short day of piano teaching ahead of me.  For the first time in many years, I did not have to worry about a long commute to work.  I was not overly tired.  I just felt very alive.

I will continue to find a balance with my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health.  I will pretty much continue all the positive habits I have acquired over the last few years.

But I am stepping out of an era of stress and fear and into the golden light of acceptance.  I think this era will be good to me.  And I intend to enjoy each moment!

On that note, I am heading out for a walk.  

Happy Saturday!

Love,


Zita


PS: This quote came up on my Facebook Memories this morning after I blogged.  Too timely not to share. Be gentle and kind to yourselves today and always!



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