Soul Runnings

"The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them." ~Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island I am so happy to back back in posting mode.  Not only have I been mourning my uncle's passing and comforting my mother, but I also scratched my cornea No big adventure story here. My allergies have been running rampant this spring. I had a particularly itchy-eyed night, and awoke to find myself vigorously rubbing my right eyeball.  It felt like there was grit in it. Upon awakening, I ran to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. Too late. Damage done.  That was Friday night. My Zombie eye Saturday. Saturday morning, one of my sweet piano students looked up at me and gasped, "What happened...

Verner Z. Goldsmith March 1, 1941 - May 27, 2018   My Uncle died at 1:40 a.m Sunday morning. I did not post about it until now out of respect for the wishes of my mother's family.  They posted his obituary today. It is bittersweet, his passing. He was an important person in my past, although most of my childhood, I just heard colorful, loving stories from my mother. They grew up on a farm in West, Texas.  Three girls, one boy, raised by a widow and her sister, whose brothers and sister lived on an adjacent farm.  They were Czech by heritage.  They spoke Czech at home. My grandmother was a strong, capable woman who made a mean kolach! I longed to be part of this family.  We had very little family ties to my father's family in Washington/Oregon. No farm. No homemade food. No sitting on the porch, drinking sweet iced tea and visiting with relatives at night. No catching fireflies and putting them in mason jars. A p...

What do these two things have in common? Absolutely nothing! But, the combination has lifted me out of the pit!  Not completely out, my fingers are holding onto the edge, but I can see daylight, I can smell fresh air! Unfortunately that is all. I still have not regained my sense of smell. I told my nurse practitioner that this morning at my appointment.  I don't know what I was thinking making an appointment for 9:00 a.m. I practically passed out on the Max train ride. But it was good for her to witness my fatigue. We talked about the results of my blood work. Apparently I have small veins. Her medical assistant told me that as she prodded and tried to find a vein big enough to fill several small vials. She kept make "tsk tsk" noises and telling me she didn't know if it would be enough. Apparently it wasn't. I have to go next week to the lab after an evening of fasting and have more blood drawn. The results that she had were negative for thyroid issu...

 I am combining Tuesday and Wednesday.  If you haven't noticed, I do tend to get the blues. Especially after a performance. I suppose I suffer from Post Traumatic Performance Syndrome. Is there such a thing? I am too blue to Google. I also must admit that I ate gluten recently. One lovely whole wheat roll on Friday night at dinner before the Magnificat rehearsal.  One incredible, heavenly piece of rustic bread, toasted and slathered with smashed avocado, sliced cherry tomatoes and slathered with olive oil. OMGoodness.  It was almost worth these symptoms. Even more fatigued then usual, upset tummy and a heavy, depressed feeling. But I carry on! Life is too short to waste whining. I will just trudge through to the other side.   It helps that my daughter has asked me to come watch Baby Grace nearly every day this week. Most days for just a few hours, so she can get some computer work done. But today, I ...

I got a call from my son's girlfriend after church yesterday. I was on my way to spend some much needed time with my grand daughter. My heart started to thud as I answered. She told me her mom and her were taking him the ER. He did nut seem right. He had lost his phone and wallet yesterday. He wasn't clear on where he'd been. He went to bed super early. Was depressed. I asked to talk to him. He sounded tired. But otherwise his normal self. I told him it would be good for him to be seen. I was frankly shocked that they had convinced him to go in. I encouraged him to write down all his symptoms (there are many). And tell the doctor everything. I asked him if I could come see him after I got done babysitting. He said he'd like that. But he had to go. They were at a restaurant. Eating breakfast. Ah! They bribed him with food! I smiled. I was relieved. Getting my son to a doctor usually took an act of Congress. I suspected much of his symptoms had to do with hi...

Performance After Glow Note to self: If I ever start feeling down about myself ever again, relive the magic of last night. My day started out quite pleasantly. I had cleared my teaching schedule for the day, so I could go to the event rested and centered. I took my time getting ready. Then I even hooped in my performance attire. Then I stopped at Starbucks and had a lovely soy chai tea latte, lightly sweetened. Then I hopped on a bus to the church I teach at Saturdays. I planned on practicing for an hour or so, and relaxing. Then I would hop on a bus downtown, where I would transfer to the #44 line, which would drop me off right in front of the Multnomah Art Center. My plan was to have a nice, light supper, and then head over to the center to meet with my friend who owns the little portative organ. We were going to tune it and set it up. Then I would spend some time practicing. It's so lovely to have a plan. But plans don't always go as expected. I had ju...

Here I go! On my way to the Multnomah Arts Center to play the organ in the Magnificat by J.S. Bach. It is a sold out concert! I am going to be a student today. A student of myself. And my teacher self is telling my student self that this performance is not a test or a competition. It has been a learning process. And I am look forward to the performance experience. Of being in the moment, surrounded by sounds of deliciousness. It will be my supper tonight. Who needs food when you can injest music? Sure, there are a few butterflies. There always have been. But what used to been huge Monarch butterflies are now just little Gossamer-winged butterflies. Apparently they can be quite small.   https://www.britannica.com/animal/gossamer-winged-butterfly Besides, I like their name. "Gossamer": "U sed to refer to something very light, thin, and insubstantial or delicate" https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gossamer I tell my students that when we are r...