Back in my library office. I had a very intense day yesterday with my son and his girlfriend.
I am still not at liberty to speak of the case, but yesterday was very positive. My son had good conversations with the judge, DA and his attorney. We all felt good because we feel like he is finally being heard and they are seeing the good in him.
We still have yet to hear the verdict. But I can see God's hand in this whole situation. I need to remember to stay in the present and give thanks. We have come so far.
No matter the outcome, we will survive. We have love. We have faith in God.
I almost lost it this morning. I did not sleep well. My mother was to pick me up at 7:00 a.m. for our weekly breakfast. I woke up at 6:00 a.m. to let Honey Dog out. My head was pounding, my heart racing. My stomach lurching.
I almost cancelled breakfast.
I am glad I didn't.
My mother has this amazing presence. And she can be healing, when she desires. This morning she was. I talked and talked about everything going on in my life. Especially concerning my son. At first, I did not think I could even eat my breakfast. I pushed things around with my fork. I sipped my tea. She looked at me with her intense eyes. She knows things. She always has.
I kept talking. She would occasionally stop me and ask questions. Or tell me something that happened to her in the last week.
Slowly my appetite increased. I finished about half of my breakfast. Then it dawned on me. The things I was worried about, were things that hadn't happened yet. And may not happen. What I should be focussing on were all the blessings from the past two months. And there are many.
I suddenly felt lighter. My head cleared. In fact the whole room seemed brighter. I looked at my mom and told her I suddenly felt better. I told her my thoughts.
She looked at me and smiled knowingly. "You know why that is, don't you?", she said slowly.
I didn't answer. I thought she was going to say because she prayed daily. And for the past two months, she especially focused on my son. Which is true.
But what she said next almost made me spit my food out as I stifled a loud guffaw.
"I know things. And I am very blessed" She smiled.
And she is right. We have been at this place in the roller coaster of my life before.
I looked at her and her white hair almost seemed to frame her face like a halo.
My mother is practically a saint.
My word for 2019 is "forgiveness". A friend of mine suggested we ask God for a word. I did. Immediately I heard "forgiveness".
I have done some forgiveness exercises. I wrote down a list recently of everyone I need to forgive. It took up several pages. I said each name out loud and said "I forgive you". Then I tore up the sheets of paper. My granddaughter and I had a blast throwing the bits of paper in the air and letting them rain down upon us like confetti.
That was several months ago. Before the recent speed bump in our family. I think God is telling me there are and will be more people to forgive.
I am ready.
And I need to remember to begin with myself.
"Self, I forgive you!"
And now I can go out into my day.
Happy Thursday!
Love,
Zita
I am still not at liberty to speak of the case, but yesterday was very positive. My son had good conversations with the judge, DA and his attorney. We all felt good because we feel like he is finally being heard and they are seeing the good in him.
We still have yet to hear the verdict. But I can see God's hand in this whole situation. I need to remember to stay in the present and give thanks. We have come so far.
No matter the outcome, we will survive. We have love. We have faith in God.
I almost lost it this morning. I did not sleep well. My mother was to pick me up at 7:00 a.m. for our weekly breakfast. I woke up at 6:00 a.m. to let Honey Dog out. My head was pounding, my heart racing. My stomach lurching.
I almost cancelled breakfast.
I am glad I didn't.
My mother has this amazing presence. And she can be healing, when she desires. This morning she was. I talked and talked about everything going on in my life. Especially concerning my son. At first, I did not think I could even eat my breakfast. I pushed things around with my fork. I sipped my tea. She looked at me with her intense eyes. She knows things. She always has.
I kept talking. She would occasionally stop me and ask questions. Or tell me something that happened to her in the last week.
Slowly my appetite increased. I finished about half of my breakfast. Then it dawned on me. The things I was worried about, were things that hadn't happened yet. And may not happen. What I should be focussing on were all the blessings from the past two months. And there are many.
I suddenly felt lighter. My head cleared. In fact the whole room seemed brighter. I looked at my mom and told her I suddenly felt better. I told her my thoughts.
She looked at me and smiled knowingly. "You know why that is, don't you?", she said slowly.
I didn't answer. I thought she was going to say because she prayed daily. And for the past two months, she especially focused on my son. Which is true.
But what she said next almost made me spit my food out as I stifled a loud guffaw.
"I know things. And I am very blessed" She smiled.
And she is right. We have been at this place in the roller coaster of my life before.
I looked at her and her white hair almost seemed to frame her face like a halo.
My mother is practically a saint.
My word for 2019 is "forgiveness". A friend of mine suggested we ask God for a word. I did. Immediately I heard "forgiveness".
I have done some forgiveness exercises. I wrote down a list recently of everyone I need to forgive. It took up several pages. I said each name out loud and said "I forgive you". Then I tore up the sheets of paper. My granddaughter and I had a blast throwing the bits of paper in the air and letting them rain down upon us like confetti.
That was several months ago. Before the recent speed bump in our family. I think God is telling me there are and will be more people to forgive.
I am ready.
And I need to remember to begin with myself.
"Self, I forgive you!"
And now I can go out into my day.
Happy Thursday!
Love,
Zita
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