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Year Two, Day 9: Elation!

I have been seriously stressed out.

I have been telling people that the Mozart Requiem will be the death of me. Suiting - it is a funeral mass!

LOL

But joking aside, I have had serious self esteem issues.  Feeling like a failure. Lazy. A procrastinator.  Poor musical skills.  How can I even call myself a musician?

My neck hurt, my elbow hurt. My pride hurt.

I have been in this place before. Of self doubt.  But somehow I pulled myself up.  Well,  I had help. I prayed.  I asked God to give me the strength to get myself together. To get over my fears. To just put my nose to the proverbial grindstone.

Today I stayed home all day and practiced.  I took breaks to eat, to stretch and to pray. Before rehearsal I stopped at the little used bookstore by the music store and rewarded myself for my hard work.

Then I rewarded myself yet again (and prepared myself for rehearsal) with a "Grande Iced Caramel Macchiato" from Starbucks.

On the way into the music center, I ran into some choir members.  One of the basses and his wife. I did a sectional with the basses at their house this last weekend. The wife gave me a ride home. I confided in her that I was tired and sore and worried about not being able to play my part.  Later that evening, I embarrassingly regretted whining.  Deep down I had a feeling I would conquer. And I did not want to leave one of the choir members with the impression that I was insecure.

I greeted them and apologized to her for being so cranky.  She smiled and gave me a hug.

"You were tired! That is why we have this for you!", she handed me an envelope.

In it was a gift certificate for a massage! I almost broke down and cried right then.  I hugged her again and thanked her.

And rehearsal was a success! The other pianist and I are getting to know one another and playing well together. The director was pleased and the choir applauded their pianists, including yours truly!

I am soaring high.  I am going to reward myself yet again with an episode of the sopranos.  NO popcorn. NO chocolate. Tomorrow I am rewarding myself yet again with a long workout at the gym and a soak in the hot tub.

And I am going to schedule that much needed massage!


Happy Tuesday!

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