Soul Runnings

 I am in my library office. It is a beautiful fall day outside.  I am going to buy some boots after I am done here. The cool weather is coming and I am really wanting so knee high black boots.  I think my calves have shrunk enough for me to fit! Today is one week since R cancelled our movie date. So to celebrate, I got dressed and headed downtown to meet "M" for lunch. M is contestant number 2 from my personal ad. He is from Bangladesh. We have talked a bit via text message and phone. He is very polite and has a cute accent. Plus he likes to cook. Very spicy food!  He did not believe me when I told him I like my food as spicy as possible. He is 42.  Age is just a number, right? Plus I think I have found the fountain of youth in weight training, clean eating, relatively low stress and a young (perhaps immature) attitude. He also did not believe I was 54. We had a very pleasant lunch. He took me to Buffalo Wild Wings. My son likes this restaurant...

I am starting my own 12-step program.  I have recovery on the brain. Especially with my son's issues. Mine will be called. RA. "R" Anonymous. Just for today, I will not text him.  I will not try to board his bus.  I will try not to think about him. It's worked so far. It has been 4 days since we last spoke. I've got this! I had two fabulous meals in less then 24 hours. So I am heading to the gym for a good workout. The "Primal Plate" at Primal Burger Last night after my last student in the Woodstock area, I decided to finally try "Primal Burger" on SE Woodstock and 49th. Oh man, was it good! I had the "Primal Plate" which consisted of a big, juicy hamburger patty, collard greens and a salad with pumpkin seeds. The burger was so juicy, I did not even miss the bun! I also had raspberry kombucha tea on tap.  The owner came over and introduced himself. It was fabulous experience. If I ever go on to contestant n...

Up at the crack of dawn I am. My plan is to grab some hot coffee and head to the gym. I am actually craving the gym I missed my workout yesterday. I seem to be on the verge to giving in to the stress all around me. My workouts empower me. Help me feel strong and capable. It is one thing I have control over in my life. I am still working on moving past R. I have not spoken to him since Sunday morning. This will be day three of no R contact. It is getting easier. I believe now that I was addicted to him. Or rather the thought of him. So I am borrowing the the AA mantra: "One day at a time". But really, in my life it is more like taking one moment  at a time. And now, with my son facing diversion for his DUI, I am reading about the AA philosophy. The "Serenity Prayer" has always resonated with me in its profound simplicity. I did not realize, however that it is a snippet of a longer prayer: The Complete Serenity Prayer God, give us grace t...

What a day!  You can tell when I am worried sick and not sleeping well, by my puffer fish eyeballs! Puffer fish eyeballs! But by the time I took this picture, I was greatly relieved. I spent all morning with my son in court.  It was an interesting and sobering process. However, it was just the arraignment. His court date was set for late October. I will not be able to go with him, which my daughter tells me is a good thing.  I continue to get grief from her for babying my manchild. Sigh. He is probably looking at a 90 day suspension of his driver's license and a year of diversion. I like that.  This is all probably a big blessing. God speaks differently to each of us. For some, it is a gentle breeze, little whisperings. For others, like my son, a big sledgehammer to the head. When he crashed Saturday evening, he ran into a cement post. In front of the Church of God. Just that morning he had asked me to help him with the clasp on the silver cross n...

I am changing the focus of my blog today. My heart is aching, but this time as a mother. My son was in a car wreck last night. He is ok, but his car is not. Please keep him in your prayers. He is 24. He has a good heart, but is learning some very difficult life lessons. He had been drinking. So this could have been much worse He will have plenty of time to think in jail. :( It doesn't always get easier being a parent as they get older. Still the worries. But since he is an "adult", there is less control. In fact I am guilty of over mothering this man child of mine. Some things even a mom can't fix. But nothing is too big for God. I am praying that my son learn from this experience and grow. Th funny thing is that I saw him yesterday morning. He asked me to fasten the cross necklace I had given him for his birthday a few years ago. After he had gotten clean and sober. He told me yesterday that he needed"Him" in his life. Ironically, he crash...

Warning:  Cover your eyes. I am going to swear. In Spanish.   Pinche Viejo! My God, that felt so good! Those were the last words I texted R last night. I tried to be mature. I told him it had been fun. And I thanked him for making me feel beautiful.He said something profound like he wishes me nothing but the best. Grrr. So I left him with the only swear words I know. You will have to look them up. I won't say it in English. I am imagining these will be my last words to R ever. I feel strangely relieved. Oh, it hurts. My feelings that is. I did shed a few tears. It never gets any easier. But I am resolved to walk away. Without making it worse. I still am not really sure what happened. But my gut tells me I was being manipulated. And I think I should listen to my gut. Funny thing is, when I first met R, I thought  he looked like a cross between Al Pacino and Eric Estrada. But today after we talked, it dawned on me. I looked at his picture again on my c...

Well I am feeling rather empowered! I am so glad I did not sink into despair, doom and gloom with the R incident yesterday! I ended up going to the gym and having a good sweaty workout. I worked that man right out of my system! He sent me about 10 messages, but I chose to ignore them until I could feel calm and respond rationally. Then I went out for a lovely dinner of pho with my son. Finally I opened the messages from R. They were his normal chatty messages. But he did sound concerned not to hear from me. He also sent pictures of his grandkids. I felt a pang of remorse. Just a little pang. I realized he did not know that I had been hurt. And I intend to keep it that way. But back way out of this pending whatever it is. I would not mind keeping him as a friend and training partner. But romance be gone! And continuous stream of consciousness texting needs to decrease. As fate would have it, one of the men who responded to my personal ad wanted to go out for a drink...

Oy. Oy. Oy. My friend R texted me this morning.  He asked me if I wanted to go see a movie today. I had told him I have Fridays off until October. He also has Fridays off. A little history on R. He is a bus driver. A very handsome Latino man.  We have had this bizarre but wonderful adventure since we started talking in the beginning of August. He texts me many, many times a day. While I was extremely flattered and enjoyed the male attention (especially from him!), I was a little wary of all the texting, and no meeting in person. He did, however actually call a few times. Finally I told him I was curious to know where he was coming from. After all, sources on the internet revealed that men who only texted women were "players". It would be good to know if this was just playtime. He assured me he was  not a player (of course, would this not be what a player would say? lol ) and proceeded to ask if we could workout together. So now I have this incre...

I am taking some time this morning to pause. I am feeling a little embarrassed at the focus of my life lately. It seems that I talk about my appearance a lot. Mainly my hair! I spent so much of my life work on my interior. Developing my brain, my musical skills, trying to balance my emotions, take care of my family and find peace with God. Then I started getting healthier.  Daily exercise for me is key.  And eating better. And thinking more positive. And in the process, I started having more positive experiences socially. I guess it is true that you need to first love yourself. But it seems I have gotten a little out of balance with the focus on my exterior. And I have gotten a little stir crazy craving attention from the male species! Wow, that is super embarrassing to admit! I am actually sitting here with a big blush on my face! I need to take some space today and reassess. I have always been a planner.  A goal setter. And then somewhere along the way...

I am in love...with my hair! Sorry to be so shallow. And I also apologize for the blurry photo. My poor old trusty flip phone finally bit the dust. I will be actually entering the iPhone realm soon. But in the meantime, I got a back up $5 tracfone. And it takes lousy pictures. But my daughter is ever improving on my hairstyle. Today, she trimmed it up, including bangs. I have not had bangs in many moons. I like! And I guess I am a"freak of nature" according to my friend and trainer, R. I was not one bit sore after a very intense workout yesterday. I guess I am ready to step it up a notch! Happy Wednesday! :) 

I got up early this morning.  Today was my workout day with R.  I decided to make him some cookies. He told me peanut butter were his favorite.  It felt really sweet to make cookies for a special friend.  I turned up the music and danced and cleaned and baked! I felt like Cinderella! :) I found a recipe for gluten-free peanut butter cookies.  We have been avoiding gluten in our household for the past year. My son-in-law is not celiac, that we know, but it is obvious that he has a sensitivity. So do I. And I think R does too.  Let me tell you. These cookies are divine! You do not even miss the flour! You can find the recipe here: http://www.shockinglydelicious.com/5-ingredient-gluten-free-flourless-peanut-butter-cookies/ But as my luck would happen, we lost the cookies!  We went out for lunch after a very good, intense workout.  I had a Diet Coke. I know, cancer in laboratory rats. It is my one vice that I am clinging to.  Diet Coke ...

Not sure if anyone noticed, but I skipped year two, day 132! Shame on me! However, I am fully living my life. Where have I been for the past 10 years? I feel like I just woke up from a coma! The trouble is, now it is a different world.  I told my daughter today at the gym that people do not flirt harmlessly anymore. I felt as if I was surrounded by robots. Men would walk by and stonily star at us. I could understand if I was there alone. A 54 year óld, rather pudgy women.  I used to be gray, but now I am practically blonde. Hello! Are blondes not supposed to have more fun? But I was there with my drop dead gorgeous 26 year old, svelte daughter.  Granted, she is very married. And has always exuded extreme confidence. The funny thing is, she agreed with me. She said people do not say hello and smile at the opposite sex generally. We talked about it and came to the conclusion that it is a generation of political correctness. And people are more reserved now ...

This day got ahead of me. Breakfast with Mom and a full load of piano student's. And one dead flip phone. It is the end of an era. I will be getting an iPhone later this week.Sigh. But I will have to continue this tomorrow. So very tired am I! Happy Saturday!

Today was an impromptu mother-daughter day. I love these!  I have Fridays off for the next few weeks until fall term begins at the Community Music Center.  My daughter has Fridays off, but she is usually doing activities with her husband, who ALSO has Fridays off. Are we lucky or what?! Well, today her hub had plans with friends, so we got to kick it! And kick it we did. We started with some pretty intense pilates, kettle bell workout and dancing like goof balls to some good ol' hard rock. Then we got into our cleaning zone and cleaned out our closets, putting away a lot of summer attire in preparation for the cooler months ahead. Of course, all this activity made us hungry. So we grabbed the Honey Dog and went up to the little corner terriyaki joint in our neighborhood and got two chicken terriyaki plates to go. Then we headed to the park and ate and watched Honey Dog make some doggie friends. As we were munching on our lunch, my daughter said she would...

I. Am. So. Sore!!! Mostly my arms.  Amazing that my legs are not that sore. My feet, on the other hand, always hurt. But my arms!  It is a "good" pain though. I feel like I did some good work. I told "R" I can work harder next time! Pretty good for a 54 year-old woman! R said I should rest today. But I am stubborn. And frankly afraid to rest. Afraid I might lose my momentum! So I went for an easy workout. I did the stationary bike for 20 minutes and then did 50 crunches. Then I took  my weight and measurements: May 26, 2015 Weight: 203 Neck: 15" Chest: 47" Waist: 41" Hips: 48 " Thighs: 23"  Biceps: 14"  Compared with today: September 15, 2016 Weight: 194 Neck: 13.5" Chest: 41" Waist: 37" Hips: 45" Thighs: 22" Biceps: 13" Calves: 15" Ankles: 8.5" I have to say, I am getting very impatient.  I feel like I have been workin...

I had a incredible workout with my friend of the male persuasion today. Two days in a row! I guess I will just call said male "R" from now on. R led me through an intense workout. He really knows his stuff. I think I will be in a world of hurt tomorrow. But it will be a happy world! He had me do some serious weight lifting. With free weights. He said he was quite impressed with my strength. So was I, for that matter! Maybe I was just showing off, but I did 120 lb. toe raises, dude! Afterwards we had lunch. He had packed really yummy homemade ham sandwiches. And to think just a week ago, I questioned this man's intentions. He had the good manners not to bring up my terrible, horrifying faux paus from yesterday. Thank God! So, I always say "Love you bye!" to my kids when we part, or hang up the phone. It comes out like one word: "LOVEYOUBYE!" I bet you can guess where this is going! My face is already reddening as I recall... So, ye...

I just had the most incredible lunch after a most wonderful workout! With a very nice gentleman! We went to Ole! Ole! on Burnside and about 20th. http://oleoleburnside.com/ And I had lengua for the first time! Lengua is beef tongue. It was so flavorful, rich and tender.  Lengua, where have you been all my life?  Well it is a cow tongue. Which tends to creep one out a bit.  But no more! I would like to learn how to cook lengua. But I hear cow tongue is difficult to come by in this neck of the woods. I also had a carne asada taco and a chicken taco. I am not stuffed, just pleasant satiated. I have a full day of piano students today. I think this lunch will hold me over! Also, my workout was incredible. My friend was detained from work, so I just hopped on the eliptical and went full speed for about 20 minutes. I broke a sweat and suddenly was flooded with endorphins. I think I was nervous meeting a man to work out with. So I had a bit of adrenaline kic...

Monday seems to be becoming mother-daughter morning. We started with the gym today. We arrived at 8:50 a.m., just in time, as luck would have it for 9:00 a.m. Pilates! My daughter twisted my arm. It was, after all just a 30 minte class ,she reasoned.  And I relented. I am so glad I did! I stayed the course for the entire class! I did modify a bit, but not much. And I was by far the oldest in the class! Very proud of self am I!after class we did our normal workout routines hut a food cart afterwards. We had a gluten free crepe filled with salmon and cream cheese at the "Crepes Plus" cart at cartlandia on SE 82nd. Tasty! Next stop, Fred Meyer. We stocked up on grocery for the week and I splurged on new workout clothes. I may have a date for a gym workout and lunch with the gentleman I have been hinting about lately. We shall see!the last stop was Sally' s Beauty Supply. My daughter updated my hair. She covered the gray with blonde highlights. I th...

I am feeling like  I am 15 years old lately. Prone to fits of giggling, blushing and daydreaming. Today, my broken heart was mended. Again, since this is a public platform, I will not provide details. But I will say I am happy. Perhaps a bit too happy, if that is possible. Members of my family have expressed concern. And an elderly lady came up to me at Fred Meyer's and asked me why I was smiling so widely. She asked me if something was funny. Surprised by her intrusion, I merrily replied, "Nope  Just happy!" As I practically skipped off to the produce section. Where I took a few deep breaths. Maybe I was too giddy. Perhaps I should tone it down? PSSHAW! Life is too short! I carried my happy energy throughout my day. Home from the grocery store to make a lively pot of black bean/bison chili. And then back out this evening to a 9-11 Memorial service where I played music with friends. It was a small, intimate service. We only had a short rehearsal yesterday,...

Today was breakfast with my mom day. She was in exceptionally high spirits. We visited and laughed. I told her about dipping my toe back into the waters of romance. She gave me her skeptical look and asked, "Oh, Zita, do you really want to do that?!" I asked if she thought I was too old for love? She sipped her black coffee thoughtfully. Then she looked up with a gleam in her eye and said, "Well I have noticed you have been taking more care with your appearance lately..." This made me smile. Never too old for love. And never too old to seek the approval of Mom! So much more to say. But no energy to say it. So....Happy Saturday!

When the going gets tough, the tough gets a pedicure! Well actually, I just had a day off today. It was not tough going. But I believe in taking care of myself. My feet have been really sore. I had a lovely pedicure and foot massage.  Then I took myself out to lunch at Ozzie' s Deli. I had the gluten-free platter. Chicken breasts strips, salad, misdeeds and taxing. After a leisurely lunch,I went to the gym. I did 20 minutes on the treadmill, shoulder press and lat pull downs. The icing on e cake was a long hot tub soak. A very nice day off indeed. Happy Friday!

Up at the crack of dawn I am. I feel like a schoolgirl. On the first day of school. I did something brave and adventurous. With a good deal of coaxing from my daughter and son-in-law. I put up a personal ad. On a Christian dating site. My heart is thumping. But I am smiling. And I have already gotten "smiles" from two men! We shall see. But I am feeling hopeful. After all, I may be 54 years old, but I am still very much alive! Happy Thursday! :) :)

Ok. So I have a bit of a broken heart. It will heal. And I am not comfortable supplying details on the internet. But my consolation is that I still have a heart that can hurt! Even in my golden years! ;) Speaking of golden, this picture was taken this morning before my heart was broken. The way the sun hit my hair, created a really nice shade! Back in the day, when we needed an ego boost, we did our hair. So Monday my wonderful daughter will be lightening my hair. And life will go on! Happy Wednesday!

Fall term has started with a vengeance! My phone has been ringing off the hook. As of noon today, my schedule for fall term is completely full! Yay! Happy dance! On that note, I am heading over to the gym, my natural mood enhancer and then onward to my wonderful piano students. Happy Tuesday!

Precious baby calf CCR Cover Band! My daughter and son-in-law had been planning to go to the Oregon State Fair today. They had an extra admission ticket and invited me. At first I declined. My daughter gave me her look and asked me what important thing I had to do today. "Lots of things," I blurted. "Laundry, the gym, piano practice, blog..." She rolled her eyes at me. "You do that everyday. I poured a cup of coffee and pondered. I realized, of course that she was right. So I went to the fair! We had a blast! I ate fairly reasonably- pineapple chicken, peach smoothie, corn on the cob and a coconut popsicle. Oh, and then there was the handful or two caramel corn, but I ate that really fast so it doesn't count right? The highlight was the live concert. The CCR cover band played all of Creedance Clearwater Revival tunes. And we found out two members of the band were from the original band! The drummer and the bass player, who were...

Day two Garage sale. We are moving some merchandise! But mostly we are enjoying visiting with our neighbors. Suddenly it felt like Mayberry RFD around here. The "bread man" rolled up on his bike to shoot the breeze. The little boys from next door ran by and chipped "hello", merrily. When it died down, I made good use of my time and practiced my ukulele. Yep, finally learning to play! I love my uke, it has become like a close friend! After we close up shop, I shall be heading to the gym for some cardio and a nice long soak in the hot tub. Happy Sunday!

Today we had a yard sale.  It started out to be rather chilly and drizzly. My daughter and I had planned on getting up at the crack of dawn, putting up signs, hauling out our items, pricing them and setting up shop. But we woke up to grey skies and drizzle. We looked at each other and almost simultaneously said, "Gym!" It was like getting an unexpected day off! We spent about an hour at the gym. We did incline intervals on the treadmill.I was wearing an ab belt. I was sweating so much after our workout that the belt was drenched. After the gym we headed home to meet my parents for lunch. I had stayed up late the night before making deviled eggs and potato salad. My mom brought salmon spread, chip, and spam sandwiches. It had been years since I had a spam sandwich. This lunch was the ultimate in comfort food. Good thing we had worked out before lunch! As we were eating, the sun burst through the clouds and the rain stopped. So we put up our signs, set up shop and w...

It is actually year two, Day 117 2:46 a.m. I awoke with a start realizing I forgot to blog last night! I must be programming my subconscious mind! I don't have anything to say other than I am working on self discipline as usual. So back to sleep I go. Hope you had a happy Friday!

Sorry for the blurry photo. My daughter and I went down to the garage last night with the intention of organizing items for a garage sale. Instead, we sat on the floor and looked at old photos. She pulled this one out and comment on my waist. Wow a waist! I actually had one once! Speaking of which, I lost an inch in my waist over night! Must have been the wrestling drills my son-in-law put us through. I am quite sore! Anyway, my waist size today is exactly the size of my hips then! That is a sobering thought. But then again, I was 20 in the picture. I am 54 now.  I used to work for the Forest Service when I was going to college. That picture was taken at the Washington Park Zoo on Packy the Elephant's birthday. And now my belly is the size of an elephant. lol. But this is only temporary. I will have that waist again. I will! Happy Thursday! :)