I am still grumpy and tired. But I made myself get up this morning and do a brisk walk (in the rain!) 3/4 mile to the gas station for some hot, strong, bitter, black coffee. It helped. The rain helped too. I do a lot of thinking when I walk. And I am still carrying some negativity with me over some not so pleasant encounters. Mostly I am mad at myself for not rising above. For internalizing the negativity and letting it eat away at my soul... (Most dramatic am I!)
So the rain pelting on my head was perfect. It reflected that state of my soul. Then I put in my headphones to drown out my inner critic and boom! The men on the radio were speaking my inner thoughts! Synchronicity at it's best!
This is what I posted on Facebook this morning:
A very tall order I know!
First, let me backtrack a bit. There I was. Tired. Blue. Experiencing serious PPD (Post Performance Depression). I dragged my way through my office job. Luckily it was a light day. I only saw one person. And she cheered me up a bit. She came in just to ask me some questions about the last recipe I posted in our newsletter! It was for my daughter's Borscht in the Crockpot. I was so thrilled that she not only had read it, but was planning on making it!
I had spent most of the morning doing computer work and trying to figure out how to deal with negativity without becoming negative myself. I had even printed a sign to hang on the door, quoting Philippians 4:8.
But I had a dark cloud over my head.
But I took my advice. I did my work. I prayed. Then I put one foot in front of the other. I received a text message from daughter confirming lunch. That perked me up quite a bit! I hadn't seen her in nearly a week. She is now 28 weeks pregnant. I could not wait to see that belly! And hanging out with my daughter always lifts my spirits. She is one of the only people in this world who truly gets me. Plus we like the same type of food. Our favorite is Lebanese. We decided to meet at our favorite Lebanese restaurant: Ya Hala. I was overjoyed that it would be just she and I. Her husband was home with a sprained ankle.
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my son-in-law, and I truly am sorry he was injured. But time alone with my daughter was precious.
So my steps were already lighter as I walked to the bus stop, mentally planning my day. I would have lunch with my daughter. Then go to the gym for a long workout and soak in the hot tub. Then I would stop at Starbucks for an iced tea and some inspiration reading.
I could feel the gloom start to lift.
But unfortunately I went to the wrong bus stop! I was on auto pilot. I went to the stop where "D" used to always pick me up. But he hadn't been on that line for a couple of weeks. I was missing him. But telling myself not to dwell on it. If we were meant to see each other again, we would. I checked the "transit tracker" and my bus was not due for 30 minutes! Just then I saw the bus zoom by in the opposite direction. Missed that one too!
So I quickly changed my plans. I knew I could walk 3/4 mile to the next bus stop. That bus line ran more frequently. So I started walking. Just when I got to the crosswalk, I saw my bus. No! I couldn't miss another one. I did not want to be late to lunch with my daughter. She had an injured man to get home to!
So I jumped up and down and waved at the driver, so he would know I wanted to board his bus once I crossed the street. He gave me a MOST FRIENDLY wave back. This gave me pause. Usually bus drivers do not even acknowledge a wave. They often do not see me and just keep driving. But he pulled right over to the stop and waited. I had not seen his face clearly, but my heart was pounding. Could it be?
The door opened. He had a big grin on his face. It was D!!
I smiled back, and said "How did I get so lucky?"
He told me they had transfered him to this line. We talked and talked just like old times. Only this line was much busier. The bus was packed. We just kept talking. All the way to the Max.
Where I floated off.
I really like D.
Our conversations flow so easily. I feel that I am most authentic with him!
I am going to try not and overthink this. It is what it is. But how lovely it was to see him again. And how nice to have a genuine like for a man. I feel a spark. I am not sure if he does. But it is ok.
This is progress.
And I am happy again!
As I got off the bus, I said, "I should write about this." I was referring to our coneversations. He nodded. "I could call it 'Tales from the Bus'".
Then horror of horrors, before I could catch myself I opened my mouth and the following words rolled out:
"I have a blog, but I not about this..." I stopped. I know I blushed. OY!
He said, "You should!" I waved and ran up to catch the Max.
Now I have myself in quite a pickle. When I run into him again, I hope he doesn't ask about my blog. I am not sure I am ready for him to know this much about me. And even worse, to recognize himself!
Oy!
Ok. This is the most excitement I've had in awhile. I'll calm down now.
Here are some funny selfies. The first one was waiting at the old bus stop. The bus I missed. The one I used to see "D" on before he changed lines:
This next picture I took on the Max, right after my long, wonderful conversation with "D":
If nothing else, D brought back the sparkle!
On that note, I am on my way to:
So the rain pelting on my head was perfect. It reflected that state of my soul. Then I put in my headphones to drown out my inner critic and boom! The men on the radio were speaking my inner thoughts! Synchronicity at it's best!
This is what I posted on Facebook this morning:
"I listened to the Markley and Van Camp Show this morning on KXL radio on my morning walk. They were talking about the shooting targeting Republicans at the baseball practice yesterday in Alexandria, VA. I liked their train of thought. They mentioned how some politicians are using this tragic event as a way to encourage each other to come together and unite instead of being so divisive.
Which is all well and good. But what they said next REALLY resonated with me!!!
They talked about the blame and ugly talk coming from all corners. Not just the politicians, not just the media, not just Donald Trump.
From US. We the people!
This is a time for self inspection. Examine our consciences, thoughts and notice our speech.
PEACE BEGINS WITH US!!!!"
Peace and love,
Zita
🌿
💕💕💕
🌿💕💕💕
Not only do I need to walk my talk in terms of not being unkind to ANYONE, even in retaliation, I choose to not even THINK negative thoughts about anyone.
A very tall order I know!
And since I despise gossip - it is toxic to all involved - I need to TOTALLY REFRAIN FROM SPEAKING ILL OF ANYONE!
An even taller order! But I am up to the challenge.
My daughter and I had a wonderful talk yesterday. I don't know how such a grounded, intelligent, confident young woman came from my womb, but I'll take her!
She called me after our talk yesterday and told me to read So Long Insecurity, You've Been a Bad Friend to Us, by Beth Moore. I told her I did read that book.
She said, "Read it again, Mom. Read it every day."
I love my daughter.
And now, I'd like to get back to one of my favorite subjects: Men. Particularly male bus drivers!
First, let me backtrack a bit. There I was. Tired. Blue. Experiencing serious PPD (Post Performance Depression). I dragged my way through my office job. Luckily it was a light day. I only saw one person. And she cheered me up a bit. She came in just to ask me some questions about the last recipe I posted in our newsletter! It was for my daughter's Borscht in the Crockpot. I was so thrilled that she not only had read it, but was planning on making it!
I had spent most of the morning doing computer work and trying to figure out how to deal with negativity without becoming negative myself. I had even printed a sign to hang on the door, quoting Philippians 4:8.
But I had a dark cloud over my head.
But I took my advice. I did my work. I prayed. Then I put one foot in front of the other. I received a text message from daughter confirming lunch. That perked me up quite a bit! I hadn't seen her in nearly a week. She is now 28 weeks pregnant. I could not wait to see that belly! And hanging out with my daughter always lifts my spirits. She is one of the only people in this world who truly gets me. Plus we like the same type of food. Our favorite is Lebanese. We decided to meet at our favorite Lebanese restaurant: Ya Hala. I was overjoyed that it would be just she and I. Her husband was home with a sprained ankle.
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my son-in-law, and I truly am sorry he was injured. But time alone with my daughter was precious.
So my steps were already lighter as I walked to the bus stop, mentally planning my day. I would have lunch with my daughter. Then go to the gym for a long workout and soak in the hot tub. Then I would stop at Starbucks for an iced tea and some inspiration reading.
I could feel the gloom start to lift.
But unfortunately I went to the wrong bus stop! I was on auto pilot. I went to the stop where "D" used to always pick me up. But he hadn't been on that line for a couple of weeks. I was missing him. But telling myself not to dwell on it. If we were meant to see each other again, we would. I checked the "transit tracker" and my bus was not due for 30 minutes! Just then I saw the bus zoom by in the opposite direction. Missed that one too!
So I quickly changed my plans. I knew I could walk 3/4 mile to the next bus stop. That bus line ran more frequently. So I started walking. Just when I got to the crosswalk, I saw my bus. No! I couldn't miss another one. I did not want to be late to lunch with my daughter. She had an injured man to get home to!
So I jumped up and down and waved at the driver, so he would know I wanted to board his bus once I crossed the street. He gave me a MOST FRIENDLY wave back. This gave me pause. Usually bus drivers do not even acknowledge a wave. They often do not see me and just keep driving. But he pulled right over to the stop and waited. I had not seen his face clearly, but my heart was pounding. Could it be?
The door opened. He had a big grin on his face. It was D!!
I smiled back, and said "How did I get so lucky?"
He told me they had transfered him to this line. We talked and talked just like old times. Only this line was much busier. The bus was packed. We just kept talking. All the way to the Max.
Where I floated off.
I really like D.
Our conversations flow so easily. I feel that I am most authentic with him!
I am going to try not and overthink this. It is what it is. But how lovely it was to see him again. And how nice to have a genuine like for a man. I feel a spark. I am not sure if he does. But it is ok.
This is progress.
And I am happy again!
As I got off the bus, I said, "I should write about this." I was referring to our coneversations. He nodded. "I could call it 'Tales from the Bus'".
Then horror of horrors, before I could catch myself I opened my mouth and the following words rolled out:
"I have a blog, but I not about this..." I stopped. I know I blushed. OY!
He said, "You should!" I waved and ran up to catch the Max.
Now I have myself in quite a pickle. When I run into him again, I hope he doesn't ask about my blog. I am not sure I am ready for him to know this much about me. And even worse, to recognize himself!
Oy!
Ok. This is the most excitement I've had in awhile. I'll calm down now.
Here are some funny selfies. The first one was waiting at the old bus stop. The bus I missed. The one I used to see "D" on before he changed lines:
 |
| If looks could kill! |
 |
| Notice the twinkle in my eye! |
If nothing else, D brought back the sparkle!
On that note, I am on my way to:
- The gym
- Lunch
- Pedicure
- Eyebrow Wax
- Haircut
- Home to clean, practice piano and get some much needed rest!
Happy Thursday!
Be kind to each other! Be kind to you!
Talk to you tomorrow!
Love,
Zita
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