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Year Four, Day 250: The Choir, BPW and Musical Withdrawal

 


We didn't get rain today.

I was hopeful when I saw what looked liked overcast skies this morning.  But the air quality index was still so high, and I did not see any moisture on the ground.  It looked like fog. Dense fog.

It turned out to be dense smoke fog!  Who knew there was such a thing! Well, perhaps that is not a thing. What we had here in Vancouver was dense fog in addition to thick smoke.  Our air quality index is still in the hazardous range. Even higher than Portland, Oregon!


So, for the third day in a row, I mostly stayed home. I did go out early for breakfast with my mom. I had cabin fever big time. When I left home a little after 6:00 a.m., I thought the air had cleared a bit. But I think I was confused by the fog and the cooler temps. By the time my mom and I finished breakfast and started back home, the smoke had settled into the fog, creating suffocating conditions.

So far nearly 1 million acres have burned from wildfires in Oregon. Ten people have lost their lives.

https://www.koin.com/news/wildfires/oregon-wildfires-and-evacuations-latest-what-you-need-to-know/

The weather forecast is predicting rain, glorious rain for Thursday and Friday! I have always been a rain worshipper, but I am looking forward to this liquid relief like no other time in my memory!

I find myself hopeful that life will get back to normal after the wildfires have been contained.


But then I remember: "Oh yeah, the pandemic!"

At least we have gotten used to wearing masks. This morning I double masked up for my walk through the park to the bus stop. Even that short trip felt divine to me. I so miss my walks.


I miss so much about my former life, BPW (before Pandemic and Wildfires!)

What I miss most, besides the library, the gym, lunch in a restaurant, walks and family gatherering?

My choir!

It just dawned on me today after a sweet post from our director.  He had dreamed that our choir had resumed, actually in person. And it was a huge turnout!

As I "liked" his post, my heart ached so much. Like a big, gaping hole in my chest.  And I realized that our choir was a huge part of my life. Not just in a work capacity, but in community and friendship. Me, the introvert, who avoids social gatherings, always looked forward to weekly choir practice.  I was their piano accompanist. For over 20 years! I worked under the gentle, artistic, and often hilarious direction of a man who has become a friend.  Someone I respect and admire. I often left practice floating on a cloud of musical inspiration.  We worked  together for at least 20 years. 

When I lived in Salem for a few brief years, I took the Amtrak to and from Portland to my teaching and accompanying job. On choir practice nights, I would not get home until nearly midnight!

But it was so worth it. 

I miss them all so much. The laughter, the connection and most of the all the music! My soul would soar after weeks of arduous work when we performed for an audience. 

Musical performance is the ultimate in being in the moment. I would tell my students that it was much like surfing. Once you catch that wave, you ride it, and are fully present in the moment.  Even when you crash, which happens in music. You just get back on board!

Performing music with a group of people you love is often a spiritual experience. That is why so many people love singing in choirs.  As their accompanist, I was part of the musical experience in performance, but also in a caring, helpful way. I would play their parts, I would help lead sectionals, and at times I would cover for them.














I miss them so much! 

I have had many other experiences in musical bonding. I have accompanied many different instruments in performance: Cello, violin, oboe, clarinet and voice.  I have also had the joy of playing in a chamber music group.

And of course, I have written numerous times of my piano students. Luckily I am still teaching many online.  It is not as fulfilling as in person, but we have good times and they are thriving.  But oh how I miss their recitals!






Looking back, I wish I had been even more present for all of this musical bonding.  It has been the most meaningful part of my life so far. 

But sometimes I was overwhelmed, trying to raise children, pay bills with my piano teaching and push through my shyness in group settings. I now wish I would have made music a priority.

I am hoping when the fires die out and the virus runs its course, that I will have an opportunity once again to make music with my friends. And I vow to never take this amazing connection for granted again!

But if any of my musical friends are reading this, I love you and miss you. I hope you are safe and well. And I hope we meet again!

And to my other readers, I wish you love, and peace and hope you are safe as well!

Love,


Zita 




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