Hi Friends!
Let me start out by saying I've been a bit off today. I've fought to keep my head and spirits up.
It was hard work weaning myself off of Effexor. And I am determined not to return. Luckily I have an arsenal of tools at my disposal.
Today was Day 6! (Ironically, he is also quitting smoking. Today was his 11th day without a cigarette. Woot woot! He told me he absolutely NEEDS to workout. It is his new addiction. Two nights ago, after hanging out with with his son and daughter (my 5th grandbaby!), I was tired and about to head home to my man. I've been feeling turbulence in the sea of our relationship lately. Probably due to my bipolarness. But he's still here. And I love him for sticking by me.
Anyway, I was about to leave, when my son said he was going to the gym. It was already close to 8 p.m. I told him I was awfully tired and needed to see my man, whom I had not seen since the morning. My son looked at me and said in a most stern voice, "Mom, you need to workout as much as me. And we don't get enough time to hang out together".
Well, shoot. Who can resist that? My grown 29 year-old son wanting to spend more time with his mom? I agreed, discreetly trying to wipe away a tear.
He was right. I needed it. Just walking into the gym makes me feel alive. I've been doing cardio first. Usually 30 minutes on the Elyptical. Today, I only had time for 12 minutes. Then I do a bit of an Arnold Schwartzneggar workout: Day 1: Back/Biceps. Day 2: Chest/Triceps. Day 3: Legs. I usually do abs everyday and rest 2 to 3 days a week.
That's the plan anyway. I intend to stick to my workouts for my physical, mental and emotional health. Oh yeah, and my hanging out with my son health. :)
I haven't done a leg day yet, I must confess. My knees have been bothering me. I still have about 30 pounds to shed, so I want to be careful.
So, I made it to the gym this morning. As usual, I was glad I did! Then I headed to work. I have another confession here. I didn't have much time for lunch before my first class, so I did McDonald's drive thru. (DON'T JUDGE ME - IT MADE ME SO HAPPY!)
The McDonald's near my work is drive thru only. And I have a gazillion points on my McDonald's app. I was so happy to be eating a McDouble and fries whilst slurping on my Diet Coke, listen to 105.9 The Brew (my new favorite radio station) underneath my favorite tree before heading into work. And it only cost me $3.00!
But the calories, oy the calories! I definitely will be heading to the gym tomorrow. Luckily, I packed some stewed Swiss Chard and homemade barbecue beans for a snack.
But, even during my somewhat low day, some amazingly beautifully sweet encounters happened!
There are, of course, the grandbabies.
Pictures of all my grandchildren in various poses of preciousness and utter adorableness were shared with me. Then my oldest grandchild called to tell me thank you for the presents I sent her and her baby sisters. Her mom told me later she was at the table working on the arts and crafts I sent, 2 hours and counting!
And the twins were playing with their genius mobile. I don't remember what it's called. It is a miniature of what you usually find in pediatrician's offices. Wires and beads to maneuver, like a wild abacus. Apparently the love it!
Moments with my grandkids near and far fills me with intense joy.
Always.
But I must tell you the highlight of my day.
It was in the group piano class I teach on Monday's. My first class of the week. It is a beginning piano class made up of 4 boys and 2 girls, ages 8 to 10.
I didn't get there as early as I would have liked. They were all waiting in the hall for me when I appeared, huffing and puffing. I told them I didn't have time to sanitize the pianos.
"We'll help!" they chimed.
So they came in and helped me wipe down the keyboards. Then we had "circle time". I always start my classes by asking my students to tell us something interesting, fun, weird, or whatever they wanted to share about their week.
One of the older boys raised his hand. I called on him.
"Teacher Zita, I want to ask you, how was YOUR week?"
Friends, I almost lost it right there. I got all choked up. I looked at him and said, "Thank you. In all of my years of teaching here, no one has ever asked me that!"
He smiled.
I told the class I had a very nice week with my son who I was lifting weights with at the gym. I flexed my bicep for emphasis. They all oooed and awwed appropriately. Then I told them I got to spend time with my new granddaughter, Aria. "That's a musical name, by the way", I informed them. Making it a teachable moment. And hopefully giving me a moment to get myself together.
Another boy raised his hand. I called on him.
"I have a friend at school named Aria", he said proudly.
"It is a beautiful name", I said smiling. I took a deep breath and we got into our lesson for the day.
But my lesson for the day is that I need to take time to allow people to give me kindness. I get on my high horse a bit about how much I help others and take care of people and give, give, give.
But I think I have a bit of an Eeyore, "No one cares about me" mindset that I am having a hard time shedding.
I mean, my 29 year-old son wants to hang out! My 9 year-old student didn't want to tell me about his week, he wanted to hear about MY week!
Sigh.
In a way, it's easier being an Eeyore!
But I'm ready to be more of a Tigger now! Lifting weight brings out the beast in me. I hope I don't go to the other side of the spectrum and become overly aggressive. In the pictures with my son, I am horrified at how big my arms are. Truthfully, they are just big, not muscular like my son's. I want to be strong and fit and healthy ad perhaps a bit sexy. But not manly.
Although another peculiar development: I want to sing Nirvana and Motley Crue at karaoke.
That's another story, I'll save for another post. But to give you a bit of background - I have a low voice for a female. One I have always been ashamed of. And one of my deepest desires is to sing my heart out and receive thunderous applause. Not drunk karaoke applause. But real appreciate applause.
Not sure if that will ever happen. But I downloaded the chords for "Home Sweet Home" and "Lithium" and spent a bit of time at the end of my shift doing my best Kurt Cobain!
Amusingly enough, as I headed out, I noticed I was the last instructor to leave. And the office staff was jamming on guitar and trying some Jimmi Hendrix licks.
It has been a surreal day. But I have survived. And hopefully I will remember to be grateful for what I have when tomorrow comes.
Love,
Zita
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