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Year Three, Day 161: The Looming Abyss

I am having a low day. I have been faking this smile all day. It is not difficult to put on a happy face for my students, but now it feels good to let go.  And say hello to the blues.



It's been awhile. But I recognize my old friend, depression. She is disguised as irritation today. But I see through her facade.

Because I can feel the looming dark abyss behind my heart. And unshed tears behind my eyes.

I am wondering if the Prednisone is a factor. I am quite certain it is playing a part. Prednisone works like espresso to the 4th power in my system. Amazingly I fall asleep easily, but last night I awake several times with vivid nightmares.

My heart was thudding rapidly and I had broken out in a cold sweat. It was difficult to go back to sleep after such a rude awakening.

I did get a nice hoop session in today. And productive piano practice before I headed out to teach. But I've felt off all day.

Heart still racing, and a vague feeling of impending doom is plaguing my thoughts.

Recent posts

Year Three, Day 160: This is Why I Ride!

5:00 p.m.

I've had such a stellar day today so far! And that is saying a lot. It has been pouring down rain all day, skies are slate gray. Not too cold though.

But the amazing thing is how my commutes have gone! I set out this morning after my hoop session to catch the Max to the Cascades Station Transit Station. Where I had a brief layover with a London Fog tea at Starbucks.

Then I ordered a "Lyft" ride over the bridge to Vancouver to see my daughter. I love Lyft! But alas, I cannot afford $13.00 every time I want to cross the bridge. Especially now that I do not have my church office job.

There is a bus that goes from the Parkrose Transit Center in Portland, straight to Fisher's Landing in Vancouver. From there, it is just one C-Tran bus to my daughter and Baby Gracie's house.

Her new nickname is "Gracie Belly" by the way. I discovered it by accident, actually out of desparation this morning. She was quite fussy when I arrived, so I made up a nonsense…

Year Three, Day 159: Me Too, Continued: I Choose Life!

"This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live20 and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob." (Deuteronomy 30: 19-20. NIV)

A good friend, whom I admire and look up to posted on Facebook this morning that she does not support the "me too" movement.  She thinks it is a shallow movement on social media created by rich celebrities for attention. She agrees there is a problem with sexual abuse, which has existed for a long time. But she thinks instead of sharing on social media, people should seek professional help.

I agree on a certain level.

However, I also disagree. Here is my response to my dear friend:

 I find the "me too" movement empowering. I am a s…

Year Three, Day 158: Sacrifice

I just got home a few minutes ago. Brushed my teeth, put on my pjs and crawled into bed.

Then I realized I had not blogged today!

It is 11:06 p.m. I spent most of the day with my daughter and granddaughter. Her husband is back to work, and my daughter is needing help adjusting to new motherhood. She is doing amazingly well, but my little granddaughter must be going through a growth spurt. Eating every few hours. Apparently like a wild beast! When I arrived this morning, my daughter was looking quite pale. I took the monster baby, changed her and sat with her on the rocking chair. She cooed and smiled up at me with a toothless, charming grin.

"A-goo!" she said.

"Don't let her fool you", my daughter mumbled as she stumbled out of her bedroom to take a shower.

After a few minutes of baby talk, Grace started to fuss. I burped her. Got out the piano keyboard and played some blues - her favorite. Her eyes got big. She stopped fussing. For maybe ten minutes. Then she …

Year Three, Day 157: "Me Too" United

I slept like a log last night!  Coughed and wheezed a little.  I was pleased to see that my bottle of NAC had arrived in the mail yesterday.

I am still researching natural methods of treating COPD.  I found this article which states:

"More research needs to be done, but some evidence suggests that supplements can help improve lung function if you have COPD, says Tanya Edwards, MD, medical director for the Center for Integrative Medicine at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio. COPD is an inflammatory disease, and some vitamins and supplements are known to reduce inflammation, so that’s a good place to start, Dr. Edwards says." https://www.everydayhealth.com/conditions/best-supplements-copd/

And about the supplement NAC (N-acetylcysteine)

"NAC (N-acetylcysteine) is known to help clear mucus and has been looked at as a COPD supplement. It's an antioxidant available as a prescription drug and a dietary supplement.
According to a review of studies on its use, one showed that taking …

Year Three, Day 156: Thank God for COPD and 120 Days of Daily Hooping

10:00 a.m.

Today has been a very good day so far.

I am here at my daughter and son-in-law's church.


I have Baby Gracie duty. It is a pleasure! I had not seen her in four days. Such a difference those days made! I arrived at their trailer before church. I went straight to her crib and said,"Hi Gracie, your grandma is here!"

I scooped her up and noticed her looking intently up at my face. Like she was studying me. I continued talking to her and her face lit up with recognition!

My heart leapt for joy!

I danced with her around the living room, softly singing our theme song ("The Bunny Hop"). When I got to the "hop, hop, hop" part she would grin.




Earlier, I took the Max to Cascades Station. Had a cup of Earl Grey tea and a gluten free breakfast sandwich at Starbucks. It was such a beautiful morning. Clear, crisp and chilly. Sun shining brightly.

I love this time of year!  I did cough quite a bit last night. The Prednisone has taken the edge off, but does …

Year Three, Day 155: The Return of the Rice Cake

"Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13


Today was a good day. I had breakfast alone. It was refreshing to have some quiet time. I do cherish my weekly Saturday breakfast with my mother, but she had other plans. And I needed pondering time. I spent most of my time researching COPD, especially natural remedies. I reserved a few books from the library and downloaded a book on my Kindle.



In my studying, I discovered that Ginseng, Vitamin D and NAC supplements all had good results in improving lung function. I am already taking Vitamin D and Ginseng. I ordered a bottle of NAC online.

I drank my coffee black because dairy produces mucous. I also drank green tea with go ginger. I…