Soul Runnings

 Hello Friends: Yup, I failed the detachment challenge. Big time.   It was like my weakness - potato chips. If I see a bag, I start to salivate. I tell myself I don't need them.  The salt makes me poofy, the carbs make me cranky and fat.  Plus, I don't like to feel like I have no self control.  I have very little self control around potato chips. When I am in the same room with chips, especially plain old Lays potato chips, I have to do a lot of self talk. And it ends up like this. I walk past. I try not to make eye contact. Then I grab a small bowl and tell myself, "only 10". Of course, then I grab another 10, then a handful, and then with a sigh of resignation, I grab the whole bag, a magazine with recipes and sit down and scarf that whole puppy up! I am that bad.  As I have been with attempting to detach myself from reacting to those I love. Detach myself from lecturing those I love. Detach myself from being hurt by those I love. My boyfriend thinks that my potato

Hello Again My Dear Readers! Today is Day 2 of my "Detachment Challenge". It is not for the faint of heart, I am telling you! I almost blew it several times this morning - all before 11 a.m.! My daughter called me on one moment immediately.  She said I broke my challenge, but she gave it to me as a freebie. We were feeding my grandtwins.  They both nurse and then my daughter pumps breast milk so that her husband and I (and other friends and family who visit) can help here feed them. They are on a pretty strict schedule. One baby takes her bottle and chugs it down like a sailor, burps, smiles and goes back to sleep. She is bigger than second baby who fusses, arches her back and doesn't take more than a few swigs before she spits up. (Yesterday, I fed her and was about to put her on my shoulder to burp her, when she sprayed practically her whole feeding of breast milk onto my face. Unfortunately my mouth was open.  Sorry for the tmi!) Anyway, my daughter belongs to a twin m

Hi Friends! :)  I took care of myself today. Well, mostly.  I took care of myself after I spent the morning helping with my 1 month old (today!) grandtwins and my 3 1/2 year-old granddaughter.  And after I worried incessantly about a loved one.  In my uniquely anxious, codependent way. After all of that, I took care of myself by doing my hoop workout and then taking a nice long walk. It certainly was a beautiful day for a walk!  I ran a few errands and then stopped at a little taco truck in the neighborhood, that  never seems to be open when I walk by. But today was my lucky day! It was open, and I was allowed to eat my sumptious chorizo and carne asada tacos on their picnic bench. I then texted my therapist and asked if he had a moment to talk or text. I told him I was struggling.  Indeed I was. He answered promptly. He has been my lifeboat these past few years. Especially when we were locked down. He was my connection to the outside world and my own inner turmoil. In one of my recent

 Dear Readers: Remember when I expressed my bliss when my twin granddaughters were born? They are therapy for my soul.  But there are speed bumps. There will always be speed bumps.  Yes, I am totally embracing my Zma hood.  But I am a realist. I do not believe in a  happily ever after. Not like in fairy tales.  I no longer believe in Fairy tales. It hit me as I snuggled with my 3 year-old granddaughter this morning.  She loves her story time with Zma.  When her mom was in the hospital giving birth to the twins, I was so tired one night, I asked her to tell me stories.  Without hesitation she did! The Three Little Pigs,  Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Little Red Riding Hood...excruciating detail! I was impressed.  And very happy that I had edited the violence out! No Big Bad Wolf eating Granny; he just locked her in the closet!   I remember when I was a kid, the "...and they all lived happily ever after" ending really bugged me.  I didn't believe it back then. But ironica

 Hello Friends! Let me tell you something about these baby girls. They are fraternal twins. The are non-identical, also called "fraternal".  I did a bit of reading about twins and found it quite interesting. Even more fascinating is being a part of these babies lives from the very beginning!  They are twins because they were born at the same time. Female-female, fraternal, apparently also called "sororal" twins. Perhaps that is where the word "sorority" came from? It was evident from the moment I met them when their mom and dad brought these little packages of joy home from the hospital, that they are completely different. They are essentially sisters born at the same time! Rose was born first. She is larger than her sister. She is also very zen like. Easy to feed. Sleeps much more than her sister hope.  If Rose is zen-like, then I would have to say Hope is a ninja! Hope fusses and fusses. Eats less, sleeps less and is awake more.   Here are some pictures.

 Hello Dear Readers! Today is Monday, June 14, 2021.  I am beginning my summer term private piano lessons this week. Next week will be the beginning of summer term for my group classes. My twin granddaughters will be turning one month old this coming Friday.   The past year was filled with so much change.  For someone like me, who normally thrives on change, it was actually quite overwhelming. With the beginning of this term brings with it a return to routine and structure. Especially since I will be balancing Zmahood with Teacher Zita and my fiance.  Every role I embrace wholeheartedly.  But I do need to remember to including Zita time in the picture.  When I began this blog, nearly five years ago, I felt quite unbalanced. I vowed to improve my life. I considered myself a project. And my self-improvement, like learning an instrument. I have always encouraged my students to practice every single day, even if it is for a short while. And to make sure they are focused entirely on piano w

Greetings Dear Readers: I just survived 2 hours of babysitting my 3 week-old twin daughters. Alone. At feeding time! I feel most accomplished! Well, that was before they both got fussy at once.  I put a binky on one baby's mouth. Then I went to change the second baby's diaper.  Then the first baby's binky fell out of her mouth. So with one hand, I put back in the binky, as I attempted to put a fresh diaper on the second baby.  At which point she decided to pee in the fresh diaper. So I grabbed yet another diaper....   I'll spare you the blow by blow description. But we all survived. And when Mama came home with big sister from her ballet class, both babies were wrapped up like burritos, looking very peaceful and content. These babies have brought so much joy to our lives already! I'm not saying this is happily ever after. There will be bumps and bruises in all of our lives. But for now, I am experiencing bliss! Happy Saturday! :) Love, Zita

Hello My Long Lost Readers! Alas, it is I who have been lost! But with good reason! I am now the grandma ("Zma" as I am called) to four grandchildren! My daughter gave birth on May 18th to two precious girls.   And I am telling you right now, holding newborn babies, and seeing my loved ones in their faces is the best antidepressant there is! I am on cloud 9. And most proud of my daughter and son-in-law. My daughter, always the efficient one and a born leader, has the whole household on shifts. She pumps milk. Then she nurses one baby, hands her over to her dad, my mom or me to feed with a bottle.  They were born slightly early, as twins often are, and are considered preemies. Although now, at 3 weeks and gaining at least a pound a week each, they hardly seem like preemies at all! But I digress. I have learned there is a special technique for bottle feeding preemies. They cannot get too much all at once, so you keep the bottle level horizontally and make sure there is air in t