Soul Runnings

Hello Friends! It has been sooooo long! I do not even know where to begin! I would start where we left off, but I can't quite recall when that was.  BRB, checking my last blog post... I'm back again.  OY! My last post was July 8th!  How did so much time elapse!  And to top it off, I signed off my last post by saying, "Talk to you tomorrow!" Oh the shame! Oh well, perhaps I will just begin where I am. Right at this very moment in time.  I am sitting in the Twin Falls Public Library, in History Old Town Twin Falls, Idaho. It is Wednesday, 12/29/2021 at 3:36 p.m. The nice man at the Computer Assistance desk gave me a pass to use the computer for free.  I am in heaven.  Libraries are my habitat.  I am feeling cozy, and very happy.  From my computer chair, I can see the large trees, gray skies and the sidewalks which are cleared, with snow piled up on either side.  It is cold outside.  19 degrees Fahrenheit.  It is snowing lightly.   I came downtown via Lyft specifically t

  Good Evening Friends! Yesterday I promised you an after picture. Here are a few!  This is my new color, "Vesuvias Red". I like!  It is a little darker than usual, which is closer to my "natural color" (the one I was born with!). But with more red.  And no gray! Funny how something external like a new hair color or hair cut can make your spirits soar. And even go deeper inside! I thought I was going to talk about hair color, weight loss and the state of my love relationship tonight. But instead, I would like to talk a bit about my piano teaching. I'll start with a little (true) story. I teach two brothers. Both have been with me about two years. They also play cello, which I believe they consider their main instrument. The younger one started with me as a beginner on piano. The older one had had some lessons.  They are both hard working, and a bit competitive, not only with each other, but with themselves! They always have this pushing forward energy - to finis

 Hello Friends! I kept my word! I am blogging again. I hope to keep this up.  It is amazing how it keeps me balanced to get my rambling thoughts out on a regular basis. And if it is interesting or entertaining to only a few people, then I am happy! Currently, I am sitting at my computer with a plastic bag over my head. I had an early evening - some of my evening students canceled. My daughter called me up to help feed babies. As we were sitting there talking about our day over the grunting, squirming, sucking and snorting sounds (I think they sound like piglets!), my daughter looked at my hair and said tonight would be a good night to use the hair dye we had ordered several weeks ago. I have quite a bit of gray showing. I don't mind streaks, but I'm just not ready for the full blown gray look. Not yet. Not while I have still have a strapping 48 year-old man for a fiance!  I'd hate to be out to dinner with him and have people think I'm his mom! Call me vain.   Anyway, my

Hello Friends: I debated blogging today. I had made a pact with myself nearly five years ago, when I began this blog to be transparent and attempt to blog daily - the good, the bad and the ugly! Lately though, I tend to avoid y'all when things aren't going so well or I don't have anything profound to say. I seriously need to get over that profundity thing.  Life is not always profound. Some moments are stressful, painful, scary, joyful, and hilarious!  And worst of all, for someone like me, sometimes they are the dreaded mundane! Gasp! Most of my life I have feared the mundane, the routine and the ordinary. Strangely enough, now that I am a grandma (a "Zma") to four unbelievingly precious children, there is quite a bit about my normal routine that I cherish. Like when my daughter calls me at all hours of the morning and night and sleepily asks if I want to come feed a baby.  Since there are two of them (now 7 weeks old),  Or when my 3 1/2 year old granddaughter kn

 Hello Friends: Yup, I failed the detachment challenge. Big time.   It was like my weakness - potato chips. If I see a bag, I start to salivate. I tell myself I don't need them.  The salt makes me poofy, the carbs make me cranky and fat.  Plus, I don't like to feel like I have no self control.  I have very little self control around potato chips. When I am in the same room with chips, especially plain old Lays potato chips, I have to do a lot of self talk. And it ends up like this. I walk past. I try not to make eye contact. Then I grab a small bowl and tell myself, "only 10". Of course, then I grab another 10, then a handful, and then with a sigh of resignation, I grab the whole bag, a magazine with recipes and sit down and scarf that whole puppy up! I am that bad.  As I have been with attempting to detach myself from reacting to those I love. Detach myself from lecturing those I love. Detach myself from being hurt by those I love. My boyfriend thinks that my potato

Hello Again My Dear Readers! Today is Day 2 of my "Detachment Challenge". It is not for the faint of heart, I am telling you! I almost blew it several times this morning - all before 11 a.m.! My daughter called me on one moment immediately.  She said I broke my challenge, but she gave it to me as a freebie. We were feeding my grandtwins.  They both nurse and then my daughter pumps breast milk so that her husband and I (and other friends and family who visit) can help here feed them. They are on a pretty strict schedule. One baby takes her bottle and chugs it down like a sailor, burps, smiles and goes back to sleep. She is bigger than second baby who fusses, arches her back and doesn't take more than a few swigs before she spits up. (Yesterday, I fed her and was about to put her on my shoulder to burp her, when she sprayed practically her whole feeding of breast milk onto my face. Unfortunately my mouth was open.  Sorry for the tmi!) Anyway, my daughter belongs to a twin m

Hi Friends! :)  I took care of myself today. Well, mostly.  I took care of myself after I spent the morning helping with my 1 month old (today!) grandtwins and my 3 1/2 year-old granddaughter.  And after I worried incessantly about a loved one.  In my uniquely anxious, codependent way. After all of that, I took care of myself by doing my hoop workout and then taking a nice long walk. It certainly was a beautiful day for a walk!  I ran a few errands and then stopped at a little taco truck in the neighborhood, that  never seems to be open when I walk by. But today was my lucky day! It was open, and I was allowed to eat my sumptious chorizo and carne asada tacos on their picnic bench. I then texted my therapist and asked if he had a moment to talk or text. I told him I was struggling.  Indeed I was. He answered promptly. He has been my lifeboat these past few years. Especially when we were locked down. He was my connection to the outside world and my own inner turmoil. In one of my recent

 Dear Readers: Remember when I expressed my bliss when my twin granddaughters were born? They are therapy for my soul.  But there are speed bumps. There will always be speed bumps.  Yes, I am totally embracing my Zma hood.  But I am a realist. I do not believe in a  happily ever after. Not like in fairy tales.  I no longer believe in Fairy tales. It hit me as I snuggled with my 3 year-old granddaughter this morning.  She loves her story time with Zma.  When her mom was in the hospital giving birth to the twins, I was so tired one night, I asked her to tell me stories.  Without hesitation she did! The Three Little Pigs,  Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Little Red Riding Hood...excruciating detail! I was impressed.  And very happy that I had edited the violence out! No Big Bad Wolf eating Granny; he just locked her in the closet!   I remember when I was a kid, the "...and they all lived happily ever after" ending really bugged me.  I didn't believe it back then. But ironica

 Hello Friends! Let me tell you something about these baby girls. They are fraternal twins. The are non-identical, also called "fraternal".  I did a bit of reading about twins and found it quite interesting. Even more fascinating is being a part of these babies lives from the very beginning!  They are twins because they were born at the same time. Female-female, fraternal, apparently also called "sororal" twins. Perhaps that is where the word "sorority" came from? It was evident from the moment I met them when their mom and dad brought these little packages of joy home from the hospital, that they are completely different. They are essentially sisters born at the same time! Rose was born first. She is larger than her sister. She is also very zen like. Easy to feed. Sleeps much more than her sister hope.  If Rose is zen-like, then I would have to say Hope is a ninja! Hope fusses and fusses. Eats less, sleeps less and is awake more.   Here are some pictures.

 Hello Dear Readers! Today is Monday, June 14, 2021.  I am beginning my summer term private piano lessons this week. Next week will be the beginning of summer term for my group classes. My twin granddaughters will be turning one month old this coming Friday.   The past year was filled with so much change.  For someone like me, who normally thrives on change, it was actually quite overwhelming. With the beginning of this term brings with it a return to routine and structure. Especially since I will be balancing Zmahood with Teacher Zita and my fiance.  Every role I embrace wholeheartedly.  But I do need to remember to including Zita time in the picture.  When I began this blog, nearly five years ago, I felt quite unbalanced. I vowed to improve my life. I considered myself a project. And my self-improvement, like learning an instrument. I have always encouraged my students to practice every single day, even if it is for a short while. And to make sure they are focused entirely on piano w

Greetings Dear Readers: I just survived 2 hours of babysitting my 3 week-old twin daughters. Alone. At feeding time! I feel most accomplished! Well, that was before they both got fussy at once.  I put a binky on one baby's mouth. Then I went to change the second baby's diaper.  Then the first baby's binky fell out of her mouth. So with one hand, I put back in the binky, as I attempted to put a fresh diaper on the second baby.  At which point she decided to pee in the fresh diaper. So I grabbed yet another diaper....   I'll spare you the blow by blow description. But we all survived. And when Mama came home with big sister from her ballet class, both babies were wrapped up like burritos, looking very peaceful and content. These babies have brought so much joy to our lives already! I'm not saying this is happily ever after. There will be bumps and bruises in all of our lives. But for now, I am experiencing bliss! Happy Saturday! :) Love, Zita

Hello My Long Lost Readers! Alas, it is I who have been lost! But with good reason! I am now the grandma ("Zma" as I am called) to four grandchildren! My daughter gave birth on May 18th to two precious girls.   And I am telling you right now, holding newborn babies, and seeing my loved ones in their faces is the best antidepressant there is! I am on cloud 9. And most proud of my daughter and son-in-law. My daughter, always the efficient one and a born leader, has the whole household on shifts. She pumps milk. Then she nurses one baby, hands her over to her dad, my mom or me to feed with a bottle.  They were born slightly early, as twins often are, and are considered preemies. Although now, at 3 weeks and gaining at least a pound a week each, they hardly seem like preemies at all! But I digress. I have learned there is a special technique for bottle feeding preemies. They cannot get too much all at once, so you keep the bottle level horizontally and make sure there is air in t

 Hello Friends! I know, I promised in my last post to try and blog daily. But life has gotten way ahead of me. Yet again. This is just a quick check in.   My son is getting married in two days. One of my goals was to comfortably fit into the amazing green dress I bought.  His fiance wants the mother of the bride and mother of the groom to wear green. Which just so happens to be my favorite color!   I ordered the dress off of Amazon months ago. But it fit rather snug. I ordered a pair of Spanx just in case.  This morning I tried it on and I am happy. I'm not perfect. There are a few lumps and bumps. But it's not about me. It's about my son and his bride-to-be. They are a loving couple. They have given me a gorgeous, bouncing grandson, who is now walking!  I will be in charge of keeping the kids happy at the wedding. As well as serving food. Unfortunately, the governor of Oregon has just tightened restrictions again due to another covid wave. So their wedding has to be held o

 Hello My Friends! I am feeling most accomplished. I am sticking to my blogging every day! Well, it's only 2 days in a row, but it's a start! A journey of five years of blogging, begins with sitting my butt in front of the computer every day! I am so happy I forced myself to blog yesterday.  Not only do I feel like I'm beginning to get back on track, it appears I have helped a few friends as well. And that is one of my goals with blogging. Not just therapy for myself, but hopefully by being transparent about my struggles, I can resonate with some of my readers. I don't know about other people, but discovering a common struggle, I find, helps me feel just a little bit less alone in this world. And not quite such an odd duck! I received several lovely messages from friends yesterday, sharing that they too struggled with depression.  Honestly, as we come through the Covid-19 pandemic, I think the whole world is experiencing a bit of depression and anxiety at some level. I

Dear Friends: How I have missed you! I am sitting at a computer at the public library in the Vancouver Mall.  At last!  I did a happy dance when I saw the email that the libraries here in Vancouver were opening up for limited visits. I have exactly 30 minutes. I apologize for my extended absence. I simply did not have the energy to blog. I will admit, I have been feeling blue.  But, as my boyfriend pointed out (er, ehem - he is now my fiance!), I have expressed publicly that I NEED to blog. That it is cathartic for me. Especially when I am feeling depressed. As I often say, "Better out than in!" It is therapeutic for me to get the words out of my head. I had made a commitment to post regularly when I began this blog, often daily!  But than life happens, and I fall off the wagon.  I attempt to be transparent. I share my life with my readers, for my own sanity, and also in the hopes that sharing my experiences, might help someone else who is suffering similarly.  Not that my li

 Just another face post.  Amazing how the days go by, even when I barely leave home. How did I ever survive before the pandemic? I promise to get caught up soon. But for now, sleep is calling my name. And when sleep calls, I answer! I will leave you with my latest Qi Gong/Hooping video.   Talk soon! Love, Zita

 Finally a good face day! It has been a long time since I didn't recoil when I caught my reflection in mirror. I am wearing minimal makeup and I'm even sans glasses, because -yippee! No eye bags! I do believe there is hope for me yet.   I had a good day, which included a good nap.  And now I am comfortably sleepy. So I will have to fill you in tomorrow.  Just didn't want to waste a good face! Happy Wednesday! Talk to you tomorrow.  Love,  Zita

 Hello Friends: It has been way too long! I have thought of blogging many times, but either I did not have the energy, or felt I had nothing to say.   Or worse still, I felt I had too many toxic, negative thoughts. I did not want to unleash them on the world. Or burden you with them, my dear reader. Thankfully, at last,  the dark cloud has begun to lift. It has been about six weeks since I last let you inside my head.  So much has happened since then.  And as usual, when I retreat into my turtle shell, it takes some clawing, panting and moaning to pull myself up to the surface.  To breathe.   Air is a good thing.  If there is one thing I am keeping constant in my life these days, it's my breathing exercises.  Nothing complicated. We all breathe, right?  I breathe slowly in through my nose, hold it for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly.  It never ceases to bring me calm.  Even if it is temporary.   Qi Gong is still very much part of my life. I fashion my breathing exercises from