Soul Runnings

Hello Friends! :)  I am sitting at the kitchen table at my son's house. My grandson is sitting with me. He is watching a "truck show" on my Kindle while I do computer work.  As I look outside, I see patches of blue and white fluffy clouds through one window pane. Through the other?  Dark foreboding clouds! It must be because of the ducks.  Yes, ducks. Just when I thought I had my ducks in a row, some of them are getting out of line! I was so proud of myself and greatly relieved when I redid my weekend teaching schedule yesterday. I have so many private students, that I was teaching Saturday and Sunday afternoons online at my son's house.  That's where the internet is. But I didn't feel so good about sitting in a corner of their home, focusing on my students when my precious grandbabies were in the other room. My grandson is very curious about the piano. When I am not teaching, he raises his adorable chubby arms to me and says "Pano!". At which point

 Hello Friends! Happy Wednesday!  Spring term began this Monday.  I was so happy to be back in my piano lab. My students came bounding in, some of them without masks.  I was just so relieved to be maskless! I smile a lot when I teach. But portraying a smile with my eyes just didn't cut it.   My students all were excited about coming back into class. I told them I missed my piano so much, that I decided to name my piano and encouraged them to do the same! It was great fun. I am determined to hit the gym everyday before teaching, to keep my energy up and my mood positive.  I have more students now than ever, and still more parents are inquiring about lessons for their kids.   What is this piano lesson boom? I am not going to question it much. Just enjoy it!   In addition to my daily gym workouts, I have stayed pretty close to 500 calories or less on my fasting days (Monday, Wednesday and Friday). As of today I have lost 6 pounds!  It is not that difficult. When I feel gnawing hunger

Hi Friends! Here I am again.  But happier than when I last posted. Mostly happier.  If you ignore the fact that I have a big gaping hole in the middle of my chest. Not visible to the naked eye, but I can feel it.  It is almost like a living thing, pulsating. Opening wider when I draw my attention to it. Yes, I miss the man. But this space, I feel is necessary. Yesterday I went to church with my son and his family.  A lovely, friendly, welcoming church. My grandson was welcomed by the nursery attendant. He ran into the little room with a big grin and hardly a glance back at us.  The baby came into the sanctuary with us.  She slept soundly in her little car seat on the floor between her mom's feet as the praise band belted out some very uplifting tunes.  But the minute they stopped, her lower lip protruded and she howled!  So baby and her mom exited to the nursery.  Then the pastor prayed and begin his message. After a few minutes, I began to squirm. I felt, as I often do in church,

 Hi Friends! I just got home a few days ago from a week in Twin Falls, Idaho. I spent most of my time there on the floor, playing with my 10 month-old twin granddaughters and my 4 year-old granddaughter.  They are all incredible girls, in their own unique ways.   I miss them so much already, but I am glad to be back in Portland. My heart jumped for joy when I spotted Mt. Hood from the plane.  I feel like this era of my life, I am more conscious than I was as a single mother. Back then it was all about survival. Now, since I am not their caretaker, I can enjoy time my grandchildren, but then let them go and know they are in good hands with their parents.   I am grateful for this internet age. I get daily video calls from my daughter, and sometimes my 4 year-old granddaughter.   I have two more grandchildren here in town that I see every weekend. Now that I am moving (yes! I was approved for the apartment!), I will be closer to my son and daughter-in-law's home, so I hope to see them

Day 28 at the gym! Hello Friends! I am here at my local library. I suddenly have a whole day ahead of me free. No obligations.  Good thing because I need some down time. Tomorrow I fly to Idaho to visit my granddaughters.  I am fairly certain I will be moving the first week of April, so I have many boxes to go through at my partner's family's home.  I am gradually becoming a minimalist. At least where personal belongings are concerned! Today is Day 3 of my ADF fasting regimen. I feel good! I had a very light lunch with my partner and my mother this morning.  I stopped off at the store afterwards and got supplies for the rest of the day.  Since I had my main meal at 11:30 a.m., I will just nosh on celery, peanut butter, an apple, water and maybe a cup of soup later. I am amazed that I am thriving on this eating plan.  If I feel deprived, or in binge mode on my fasting days (in case you didn't read any previous posts, I am allowed up to 500 calories on binge days. On normal e

 Update: I viewed the apartment and I LOVE it! I was going to take pics, but my phone was dying. So I walked ACROSS the street to the library to charge my phone and give y'all an update. A library across the street - is my name written on this apartment or what? It's small and cute and funky and literally steps away from the bus stop.  And the landlord is a saint. I think this is meant to be!  Hello Again My Friends! What a beautiful, glorious day here in Portland today! Today is my first official day of spring break! I spent most of my morning planning my spring term piano lessons and setting up Zoom links for my virtual lessons. Now I am here at the library talking to y'all!  It is so nice to look out the window and see blue skies and puffy white clouds.  I hear talk of rain, but there is always rain in this part of the world. I don't mind. It helps keep that air fresh and the plants healthy.   But when the skies clear, it is the most divine feeling! So, I survived my

Hello Friends! I am sitting in my favorite corner coffee shop, sipping a London Fog with oat milk and lavender.   My face feels naked!  I am maskless.  And speaking of naked, you know those dreams where you wake up naked in a crowd of people - unnaked people?  Well, I have those dreams a lot!  I had a deja vu moment as I walked into my coffee shop and my favorite barista was wearing a mask. I felt - naked! She told me she is being cautious.  It seems many people are. I see several people walking around the neighborhood with their masks. Perhaps it is human nature to resist authority.  Now that we've gotten used to masks, perhaps some people do not want to be told to take them off? Not me! I'm ready to throw all of my  masks up in the air and then light them on fire! Well, I will probably still wear mine on the bus.  In fact, my mother told me they will be still required on buses and in medical facilities. It's all good. I am so happy to not have rummage through my purse eve

 Hello Again! I am feeling my vibrancy return! Yay!   So many good things happening. Mask mandate is going away tomorrow! Spring break begins next week. I'm flying to Idaho to visit my granddaughters, and I think I am on the right track with ADF Fasting. My goal is to finally shed the final 40 pounds that have been plaguing me for the past 4 years! Today is Day 1.  It is a fast day. I can have up to 500 calories and stay in compliance.  I am at my little corner coffeeshop where the baristas all know my name.  I love that! Usually I have tea and a bagel. (They have incredible everything bagels with spinach!). But today, I am having coffee with a splash of cream and sugar free caramel syrup.  30 calories. My partner is waiting outside, so I will keep this brief. We are heading to the grocery store to pick up my fasting food:  Celery, an apple, a Lean Cuisine meal, bottled water and Slim Fast.   Saturday and Sunday are feast days. Then next week I begin with a vengence: Monday, Wednes

  Hello Again My Friends! What a glorious day it is here in Portland, Oregon. There is a bit of a chill in the air, but I am fine with that.  The skies are blue and sun is brilliant!  A good day for a walk! A good day to breathe and just appreciate life! A good day for just about anything. I woke up this morning feeling free of my Sisyphus stone.  Maybe it was my venting yesterday on this here blog?  Maybe it was the fact that I confronted all the issues that were nagging me. It couldn't be that I got a good night's sleep.  I got a few hours of deep sleep. But then I woke up in the wee hours with a plan!  I decided to tackle my eating situation. Which has really deteriorated lately. I would hate to gain back all the weight I lost. And now that I am a regular at my neighborhood gym, I would hate all that hard work, sweat and sore muscles be wasted! I pretty much just want to be free from this weight.  Maybe that is the stone I've been pushing uphill. Like Sisyphus that I men

Hi Friends! It's been awhile!  I apologize for my absence. I have been just living my life, putting one foot in front of the other.  But the trudging along day after day, with not much improvement in sight has made me weary. Bone and soul weary. I am feeling a bit like Sisyphus.  You know the story right? "Sisyphus was, in fact, like  Autolycus  and  Prometheus , a widely popular figure of folklore—the trickster, or master thief. Clearly, he is everlastingly punished in  Hades  as the penalty for cheating Death, but why he is set to roll a great stone incessantly is a puzzle to which no convincing answer has  yet  been given. It appears to belong with other Greek imaginings of the world of the dead as the scene of fruitless labours." https://www.britannica.com/topic/Sisyphus Boy, this great stone that I am pushing up the hill daily has become very heavy.  Even if it is only in my mind! I think I have been depressed.  But I am determined NOT to take antidepressants again.