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New Era, Day Two: His Name Was Ben

 Hello Again!

I am sitting here in the library on an unseasonably beautiful day, this 24th day of January, 2026.

I had planned on just letting the words flow. So much is going on in my head.  So much has happened in my life. But today, time seems to be standing still.

I wanted to talk about the relationship with my ex boyfriend. So many of my posts for a few years were about him.  

His name was Ben. 

I am smiling now as I type his name.  That surprises me. 

Ben is gone now.  He passed away suddenly of a heart attack on December 5, 2025.

I thought I was ready to share our story.  

But I am not ready yet.

I need to. But it will come at a later time.  

Smiling at his name was a hopeful first step.  

During my grieving, I have found that I appreciate people more than ever before. My family, friends, coworkers, even strangers.  I look for goodness everywhere.  

 I need God now more than ever.  I have stopped leaning on family and friends.  But I pour my heart out to God. Even when the words aren't adequate.

I am still studying the Psalms daily. That has been the light that I am focusing on.  I just finished Psalm 11 today.  

I am still attempting to apply all the wisdom that I have gathered in my 64 years to my daily life.  But my life is a bit shattered.

Shattered.  

I am ready to break free of all the old ties that have limited me in my life.  Break them, shatter them, throw them against a cement wall. 

And rebuild.

I am thrilled to have reconnected with my counselor, the one who guided me through the pandemic, and through the rocky first years of my relationship. 


I am 64 years old.  I am a grandmother.  I am a teacher. I am a Christian.  I could continue the list. 

But what I really want to say is: "I am".

And as long as I am still, there is hope for peace, love, and meaning in my life.

Being aware of the immediate moment is where I would like to begin.

I will talk about Ben next time.  


Today, I am grateful that I am able to smile as I say his name.

Ben.  

Rest in peace, my dear friend. 

Peace to you my friends, 


Zita




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