Year Four, Day 276: LAWKI

 Hello! 

Here I am again! Two days in a row. I think I might be back in my zone again!  I may sound like a broken record, but as I tell my students, we humans learn by repetition.

We humans learn by repetition...

We humans learn by repetition...

Some (like me!) need more repetition than others!

What I want to say is something I have said many times before: blogging is not only therapeutic for me, I think it is necessary to my sanity.

Especially now.  I hesitate to say "uncertain times" because it has become a trite expression this past year.  These times are not only uncertain, they are downright peculiar.  And the media seems to be feeding us too many of these trite lines.  

Now that the vaccine has arrived, I notice most newscasters are saying, "The vaccine is here. The end is near!"

Giving us hope of returning to life as we knew it, I presume?  

I took an astronomy class for a much needed science credit back in college. I was a piano performance major.  I didn't need much science. And astronomy sounded like an easy A. It wasn't. But it was interesting, especially the professor. One thing I recall from his class is the acronym "LAWKI". 

Life

As

We

Know

It.

And what do we mere humans really know about life anyway?  I know this has been said before, but the more I learn, the more I realize how little I really know.

I must apologize for my haphazard blogging lately. I don't know about you, but this pandemic is taking a toll on my mental health.  

As someone who struggles with mental and emotional health, and frankly finds the whole field fascinating, I have been gravitating towards articles about mental health and the pandemic. I have read several articles claiming that the pandemic has created a mental health crisis.  One article state 1 in 4 young adults have had suicidal thoughts since the arrival of the pandemic.

Here is one such article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2020/11/23/covid-pandemic-rise-suicides/

It is no wonder. This pandemic has created fear and uncertainty. Even as a bit of a loner and introvert, I admit that I need people.  Humans are social creatures.  I mean if I am not given an option to mingle and socialize, what in the world would I hide from?

Kidding aside, I fear that the mental health pandemic that is arising will be more deadly than Covid-19 itself.

However, humans can also be highly adaptible. We have gotten used to much change in our society. Masks, social distancing, online learning, online teaching, and the closure of our beloved restaurants, libraries and gyms. Instead we have Uber eats, Amazon prime and Zoom.

When I was younger, I read a bit of science fiction and dystopian novels about a future world. I found it fascinating. Living it - not so much.  

But underneath it all, even amidst my depression, which has been my own little rain cloud (Note: I edited yesterday's rather rambling blog. I included a true story about my own little rain cloud.  You can read it by clicking here: Year Four, Day 275) since I was little, I do have hope. I seek joy everyday, even on my gloomiest days.

I see joy in the eyes of my grandchildren, in the face of my boyfriend, the sound of his voice and the touch of his hand.  I find joy in teaching, especially overcome techophobia like my first Zoom piano recital last night! I was in tears seeing all my beloved students, playing the pieces we have worked on in their lessons, and playing then with feeling. From their souls.

I do love teaching. I especially enjoy hearing my students perform.

I find joy in my discipline. In avoiding foods that harm. In my daily walks. My daily breathing exercises. My daily hooping.

Where I struggle is keeping my attitude positive.  I can get into my "Teacher Zita" mode for my students, but when I am alone for long periods of time, I tend to not be so nice to myself.  

I think I just had an epiphany.  It is not so deep or profound. But I do believe I need to offer myself a bit more compassion. I have told my boyfriend that I enjoy helping others. That is lifts me up. But I don't easily allow myself to be cared for.  I have quite the independent streak. And a bit of a chip on the old shoulder. 

But if I am not going to allow others to care for me, I need to. Because if I don't take care of myself, I will have nothing left to give.  

I think one of the values of my blogging, is that sometimes I just sit at my computer and start typing. I don't even really know what I am going to say, or what I am thinking. I start with a feeling.

And often, my thoughts are a bit random and disconnected. But today I have stumbled upon something that does keep emerging in my life. 

I desire love. But I have a hard time accepting love. Because the person I most need love from is me.

Excuse me while I pause and shed a tear or two.

Well, perhaps this would be a good place to end today. And a good place to begin tomorrow!

Happy Thursday to you, my dear readers.

Talk to you tomorrow. 

Love,

Zita 

PS I am determined to keep up my hooping!  Today was day 301: