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Year Four, Day 134: I'm Not Manic, I'm Happy! :)

"I'm not here to tell you that the world is actually fabulous, and you'll just have to damn well learn to appreciate it...Sure, there might be some nice things in the world. I guess. But there's also a lot of ugliness. And, even worse than that, is all the mundanity...The answer to getting better, and to not killing yourself, isn't in the kittens and puppies, it isn't in the clouds, it isn't in the orangutans in the rainforests or the fireworks in the night sky.
The core reason, the truest, most sincere reason to stay alive isn't really out there at all.
It's in you.
You are the key and the lock...It's a terribly sad state of affairs, but as long as you stay mute and withdrawn, the world just won't care about you. That's because it doesn't know you."
~"How Not To Kill Yourself: A Survival Guide For Imaginative Pessimists" by Set Sytes

I am still reading Shakespeare.  But the above book caught my eye at the library this afternoon. As usual, I felt drawn to it. It almost frikkin' jumped off the shelf at me. I sat down to blog, and read maybe half of this amazing little book.

It speaks to me, my friends.  

I posted the above quote on my Facebook page. Because in this age of skyrocketing suicide, I thought it might speak to someone else as well.

I am feeling pretty good today. My asthma is almost under control. My new inhaler ("AirDuo") is working wonders.  My mother, however is a bit worried. She thinks it might have sparked a bit of mania.  Apparently, I didn't not come up for air during a conversation (or should I say monologue) we had at our weekly breakfast at The Diner last week.  She times me. It was 17 minutes.

I told her I wasn't manic. I was just happy!  I could breathe! I had a good 6 hours of sleep the night before! I had energy! I was smiling! I also had a big cup of coffee right before breakfast!

Why do I always feel the need to apologize when I feel good? I get the sense that many of those around me prefer my depressed self.

I don't. However, I do appreciate my downs. Those days I prefer solitude. Not the solitude like Larry Newton, who Laura Bates wrote about in  Shakespeare Save My Life. Larry is doing life in prison with no possibility of parole. 10 years of that time was in solitary. Where he spoke to no one at all and lived 23 hours a day in a cell the size of a closet.

Not that kind of solitude.

Just quiet time. Freedom to read, walk, play my piano, journal without the expectation of engaging in social interaction with anyone. I am fortunate that I have created plenty of space in my life for healthy solitude.

It doesn't always work out that my up times are when I am teaching, performing or engaging socially with others. Nor do my down times always correspond with solitude.

Sometimes I have to force it.

Staying healthy is the key. I am working on that. Continually.

I have some stories to tell you and more thoughts to share, but I need to close for now. I am babysitting my granddaughter this afternoon. I have plans to get some used children's books at the bookstore - the kind with glossy pages full of pictures. And make paper doll chains from them.  

Plus I need to stop at the grocery store. A beef tamale crockpot casserole is calling my name.

Yup, I'm a bit manic. And loving it!
Not sure how long it will last, but while the energy is here, I will be making use of it!
Happy Sunday!
Talk soon.

Love

Zita


My latest Qi Gong/Hoop Video: Day 66! :0)

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