Soul Runnings

''To be aware that you are watching the [mental] voice talk is to stand on the threshold of a fantastic inner journey. If used properly, the same mental voice that has been a source of worry, distraction, and general neurosis can become the launching ground for true spiritual awakening.''  ― Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself  Michael Singer has changed my life with his book  The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself . And I have not yet read the book! It is on hold at the library. I have been inhaling quotes from it and watching his videos. I feel this opening up and awakening of my being.  I feel like I am ready to grow spiritually as never before! I have made a conscious commitment to continue this soul work.  This work of honoring my authentic self and  not caving into the negative chatter in my brain. Years ago, I realized (perhaps after reading something somewhere), that when someone asks me to point to m...

I am on fire.  I woke up at 5:00 a.m. this morning. I felt sad. I felt irritated. I wanted to roll over and get some more sleep. But my eyes were wide open. Almost like they were being help open with invisible tooth picks. I was home alone - the rest of the family had spent the night with other family members.  Honey Dog would need to go out. And I could do my hooping and cleaning without disturbing the rest of the household. (When my granddaughter is asleep we all tiptoe around, holding our breath, so cherished is her sleep time!) So I popped up. I felt so much energy.  I didn't even need caffeine. I felt strong. Not stiff and groggy as usual.  Irritable, yes. But otherwise good! So I cleaned the entire kitchen, made my bed vacuumed, hooped and even practiced some music on the piano I planned on playing for church later. I still had time to spare, so I decided to sit down and get a dose of Thomas Merton. He has proven to be a soothing balm for me. Like t...

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.” ~Thomas Merton I need to read Merton everyday. I wish I could have met him, just sat with him and smiled at him for awhile.  I am still feeling quite tense today.  Yet I have accomplished so much!  My heart has been racing all day. Is it too muc...

OK... I have to get something off of my chest. Without naming names, or giving any clues, there is this person, who knows what I am dealing with in life.  I see her fairly regularly. I try to not despise anyone, really! I take the words of Jesus very seriously! But this person gets on every single one of my nerves. I think I have narrowed it down to the pitch of her voice and what appears to be phony concern for me. Every time we meet she says, "Zita! How ARE you?", in a high pitched, sing-song voice while trying to stare deep into my soul. Usually I say, "Fine, how are you?" in a noncommittal, low growly voice. I mean, she knows my son is in prison, my father is dying and I am on the verge of homelessness.  I know we all have our struggles, but I've been a tad overwhelmed lately. Suffice it to say, I was feeling the "Ho Ho Ho", Deck them Halls of the last holiday season less than usual. However, I pride myself on my strength. I try to not ...

I am at the libary. I have never been so happy to be here in my life. And I have spent so many happy moments in so many libraries. But it was closed the last two days for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Not that I would have had time to stop by either of those days.  Nope. I was knitting Christmas socks like a crazy woman, I played three church services, I made 3 dozen samosas and 3 batches of fudge. I also made cilantro/mint/lime chutney at midnight on Christmas Eve and homemade gift bags at 1:00 in the morning. I don't know what got into me. The only explanation I can think of was that I was home alone, unsupervised. Even Honey Dog was gone.  They were all staying with my son-in-law's sister for a big celebration. It is all a blur. I feel like I have been run over by a semi truck.  I took two days off from my intermittent fasting. I ate a lot of meat and sugar. I am in serious pain. But I am happy. I am back to a good regular routine.  I made a lovel...

The "Most Wonderful Time of the Year" is coming to a close. Today, our church choir sang a Christmas Cantata.  The accompaniment was canned (recorded), so instead of playing the piano, I sang with the choir! As I get older, my voice gets lower. So I sang tenor. And I thoroughly enjoyed myself! It was a warming experience to be a part of the choir, blending with other voices instead of just accompanying. I finally get it. Singing in a choir gives one a sense of community, of belonging. I wonder if my "lone wolf" personality is partially attributed to my career as a pianist. Or perhaps that is why I gravitated towards this career. Nonetheless, today was fun! Christmas Eve I will be playing two services. The culmination of the season will be Christmas morning.  After that I will be just a normal person again. If that is possible! I plan on spending Christmas day with my family.  First of which will be my 3 week old grandson! I will be speaking by phone to ...

Oy, I didn't get up early enough to hoop yet again! My granddaughter has been getting up super early, lately and has not be sleeping well at night. I am going to set the alarm earlier tomorrow. Must hoop! Luckily I went to the gym last night after the "Blue Christmas" service I played. It was a lovely service. I prayed for my son and family the whole time. And at the end, when the choir director played a video of the re-enacted birth of  Jesus, with Josh Groba n singing "O Holy Night" in the background, I felt hot tears streaming down my face. I tried to control them, since my tears are generally acidic.  Especially since I had one more piece to play on the piano. But it was no use. After the video, I wiped my face and stood to hold hands with the small group as we prayed the Lord's prayer. By the time the pastor offered the benediction, I had myself under control.  I played my last piece while people were trickling out. The Blue Christmas servi...