OK...
I have to get something off of my chest. Without naming names, or giving any clues, there is this person, who knows what I am dealing with in life. I see her fairly regularly. I try to not despise anyone, really! I take the words of Jesus very seriously!
But this person gets on every single one of my nerves. I think I have narrowed it down to the pitch of her voice and what appears to be phony concern for me.
Every time we meet she says, "Zita! How ARE you?", in a high pitched, sing-song voice while trying to stare deep into my soul.
Usually I say, "Fine, how are you?" in a noncommittal, low growly voice.
I mean, she knows my son is in prison, my father is dying and I am on the verge of homelessness. I know we all have our struggles, but I've been a tad overwhelmed lately. Suffice it to say, I was feeling the "Ho Ho Ho", Deck them Halls of the last holiday season less than usual.
However, I pride myself on my strength. I try to not wallow in self pity. Everyday brings it's calamities, but every day brings wondrous joys, mostly my grandchildren! There are also small moments of indescribable beauty at unpredictable times.
The last time I saw her, I told her not to ask. Then I was overwhelmed with feelings of crushing guilt.
She looked hurt.
I quickly told her I was fine, and I could always do my work.
Then she said, "This must be a bittersweet time for you! Can I give you a hug?"
Arrggg...that was the last thing I wanted. But I felt guilty for hurting her feelings. So I nodded reluctantly. She embraced me. I patted her on the back.
Later, I chuckled realizing I was giving HER the hug. As if to comfort her for my life totteringg on the edge of he abyss!
That hug did absolutely nothing for me.
Oh, but I have some evil deep down. I will be spending the rest of my life trying to root it out.
One way I have discovered for dealingwith annoying people: Pray for them! It revs up my compassion gene. That woman is on the top of my list.
Well, a few people down from my mom and dad. My father collapsed at a restaurant earlier today. He was nonresponsive, so the server called 9-1-1. My mother called me in tears from the parking lot. The paramedics worked on him in the parking lot and then rushed him to ER.
We've known for the last few years that his days are numbered. But I realized today that I am not ready for my mom to lose my dad. I know that sounds odd. I will be sad too. But she has taken such good care of him these last few years. Her RN training came in handy. And they have become closer than I've ever known them to be.
The good news it that God is not ready for him yet. He is being released soon.
I am finding the need to step back right now. Step back from social media, step back from people who want to suck my soul out, step back from humanity. I just put several Thomas Merton books on hold at the library. When I think about God, solitude and monks, (and I do often!) I think of Thomas Merton. His words are a soothing balm to my ragged soul.
Thankfully, I did get up early enough to get a hooping session in this morning.
And on a side note, I got some validation for my short morning workouts. From a Lyft driver. A very handsome, fit young man. He picked me up from the gym last night. I was so tired and cold, I was actually shaking. I thought I was coming down with something. Standing at the bus stop seemed to be a very bad idea. So I ordered Lyft. I'm so glad I did!
He told me to look up Mike Dolce, a WWF trainer. He told me he was intense, but I said I was not afraid of intenisty! I told him how I attempted to get some type of exercise in every single day, even if it was a short workout. And I told him about my intermittent fasting. He nodded his approval. He told me what I should look for are videos of Mike Dolce and L.I.S.S. on YouTube. L.I.S.S. stands for Low-Intensity Sustained State. Basically, he says, in keeping with my fasting, I should walk for 30 minutes first thing in the morning before I eat. It is the best way to burn fat.
I thanked him. And I hooped this morning. When the weather warms up, I plan on walking every morning.
God knows, I love to walk!
And on that note, I'm walking outta this here library and heading to the gym!
Happy Friday!
Love,
Zita
I have to get something off of my chest. Without naming names, or giving any clues, there is this person, who knows what I am dealing with in life. I see her fairly regularly. I try to not despise anyone, really! I take the words of Jesus very seriously!
But this person gets on every single one of my nerves. I think I have narrowed it down to the pitch of her voice and what appears to be phony concern for me.
Every time we meet she says, "Zita! How ARE you?", in a high pitched, sing-song voice while trying to stare deep into my soul.
Usually I say, "Fine, how are you?" in a noncommittal, low growly voice.
I mean, she knows my son is in prison, my father is dying and I am on the verge of homelessness. I know we all have our struggles, but I've been a tad overwhelmed lately. Suffice it to say, I was feeling the "Ho Ho Ho", Deck them Halls of the last holiday season less than usual.
However, I pride myself on my strength. I try to not wallow in self pity. Everyday brings it's calamities, but every day brings wondrous joys, mostly my grandchildren! There are also small moments of indescribable beauty at unpredictable times.
The last time I saw her, I told her not to ask. Then I was overwhelmed with feelings of crushing guilt.
She looked hurt.
I quickly told her I was fine, and I could always do my work.
Then she said, "This must be a bittersweet time for you! Can I give you a hug?"
Arrggg...that was the last thing I wanted. But I felt guilty for hurting her feelings. So I nodded reluctantly. She embraced me. I patted her on the back.
Later, I chuckled realizing I was giving HER the hug. As if to comfort her for my life totteringg on the edge of he abyss!
That hug did absolutely nothing for me.
Oh, but I have some evil deep down. I will be spending the rest of my life trying to root it out.
One way I have discovered for dealingwith annoying people: Pray for them! It revs up my compassion gene. That woman is on the top of my list.
Well, a few people down from my mom and dad. My father collapsed at a restaurant earlier today. He was nonresponsive, so the server called 9-1-1. My mother called me in tears from the parking lot. The paramedics worked on him in the parking lot and then rushed him to ER.
We've known for the last few years that his days are numbered. But I realized today that I am not ready for my mom to lose my dad. I know that sounds odd. I will be sad too. But she has taken such good care of him these last few years. Her RN training came in handy. And they have become closer than I've ever known them to be.
The good news it that God is not ready for him yet. He is being released soon.
I am finding the need to step back right now. Step back from social media, step back from people who want to suck my soul out, step back from humanity. I just put several Thomas Merton books on hold at the library. When I think about God, solitude and monks, (and I do often!) I think of Thomas Merton. His words are a soothing balm to my ragged soul.
Thankfully, I did get up early enough to get a hooping session in this morning.
And on a side note, I got some validation for my short morning workouts. From a Lyft driver. A very handsome, fit young man. He picked me up from the gym last night. I was so tired and cold, I was actually shaking. I thought I was coming down with something. Standing at the bus stop seemed to be a very bad idea. So I ordered Lyft. I'm so glad I did!
He told me to look up Mike Dolce, a WWF trainer. He told me he was intense, but I said I was not afraid of intenisty! I told him how I attempted to get some type of exercise in every single day, even if it was a short workout. And I told him about my intermittent fasting. He nodded his approval. He told me what I should look for are videos of Mike Dolce and L.I.S.S. on YouTube. L.I.S.S. stands for Low-Intensity Sustained State. Basically, he says, in keeping with my fasting, I should walk for 30 minutes first thing in the morning before I eat. It is the best way to burn fat.
I thanked him. And I hooped this morning. When the weather warms up, I plan on walking every morning.
God knows, I love to walk!
And on that note, I'm walking outta this here library and heading to the gym!
Happy Friday!
Love,
Zita
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