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Year Four, Day 233: The Crazy-Go-Round: What If...?

''To be aware that you are watching the [mental] voice talk is to stand on the threshold of a fantastic inner journey. If used properly, the same mental voice that has been a source of worry, distraction, and general neurosis can become the launching ground for true spiritual awakening.''
 ― Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself 

Michael Singer has changed my life with his book The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself. And I have not yet read the book! It is on hold at the library. I have been inhaling quotes from it and watching his videos.

 I feel this opening up and awakening of my being.  I feel like I am ready to grow spiritually as never before!
I have made a conscious commitment to continue this soul work.  This work of honoring my authentic self and  not caving into the negative chatter in my brain.

Years ago, I realized (perhaps after reading something somewhere), that when someone asks me to point to myself, I usually place my hand on my heart. That is where I feel my "self" is housed. I do not point to brain. That is like my computer. Where information is stored. And where that annoying, accusing voice lives.

Undoing a life time of soul abuse will not be an easy journey  - My poor soul has been confined, tossed about and beaten my entire life - but bring it on! I am more than ready!

Every moment of this day, when the anxious, critical, depressing or otherwise negative thoughts begin to ooze into my brain, I have stopped them. I used to examine them. And oddly enough, argue with the negative voices.  Sometimes they would be in the form of my antagonists. People that I am having conflict with at the moment. I would relive a negative moment and then role play, but they would always be saying mean, judgmental things to me. And I would be arguing back in self defense.

I'm not sure when I started doing this. It is making me laugh right now, because it sounds so ridiculous. Arguing with phantam antagonist, defending my case in my own head!

The funny thing is, when I sometimes run into some of these people, they have often been happy to see me, giving me a warm hug and such. Obviously they are not aware of how they attacked me in my own head!

O.K. This must stop now!

A few weeks ago, I told my counselor that I had a profound thought. What if instead of continuing my negative spiral, I just got off the merry-go-round.  (In my case it is not so merry anyway, it is more of a crazy-go-round!)  What if I just jumped off! What if I just was happy and carefree and appreciated every moment of my life. What if?

My counselor got all excited and grabbed his pen and paper and said he had to write that down.  I love when he does that.  I feel like it is a compliment.  Like perhaps he's getting an occasional insight from me!

Let's do an experiment. Let's start that "what if" right this moment! It will be an interesting way to begin a new year!

I'll talk to you tomorrow!

Love,

Zita






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