Skip to main content

Year Four, Day 233: The Crazy-Go-Round: What If...?

''To be aware that you are watching the [mental] voice talk is to stand on the threshold of a fantastic inner journey. If used properly, the same mental voice that has been a source of worry, distraction, and general neurosis can become the launching ground for true spiritual awakening.''
 ― Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself 

Michael Singer has changed my life with his book The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself. And I have not yet read the book! It is on hold at the library. I have been inhaling quotes from it and watching his videos.

I feel this opening up and awakening of my being.  I feel like I am ready to grow spiritually as never before!
I have made a conscious commitment to continue this soul work.  This work of honoring my authentic self and  not caving into the negative chatter in my brain.

Years ago, I realized (perhaps after reading something somewhere), that when someone asks me to point to myself, I usually place my hand on my heart. That is where I feel my "self" is housed. I do not point to brain. That is like my computer. Where information is stored. And where that annoying, accusing voice lives.

Undoing a life time of soul abuse will not be an easy journey  - My poor soul has been confined, tossed about and beaten my entire life - but bring it on! I am more than ready!

Every moment of this day, when the anxious, critical, depressing or otherwise negative thoughts begin to ooze into my brain, I have stopped them. I used to examine them. And oddly enough, argue with the negative voices.  Sometimes they would be in the form of my antagonists. People that I am having conflict with at the moment. I would relive a negative moment and then role play, but they would always be saying mean, judgmental things to me. And I would be arguing back in self defense.

I'm not sure when I started doing this. It is making me laugh right now, because it sounds so ridiculous. Arguing with phantam antagonist, defending my case in my own head!

The funny thing is, when I sometimes run into some of these people, they have often been happy to see me, giving me a warm hug and such. Obviously they are not aware of how they attacked me in my own head!

O.K. This must stop now!

A few weeks ago, I told my counselor that I had a profound thought. What if instead of continuing my negative spiral, I just got off the merry-go-round.  (In my case it is not so merry anyway, it is more of a crazy-go-round!)  What if I just jumped off! What if I just was happy and carefree and appreciated every moment of my life. What if?

My counselor got all excited and grabbed his pen and paper and said he had to write that down.  I love when he does that.  I feel like it is a compliment.  Like perhaps he's getting an occasional insight from me!

Let's do an experiment. Let's start that "what if" right this moment! It will be an interesting way to begin a new year!

I'll talk to you tomorrow!

Love,

Zita






Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Year Four, Day 328: Success at Last!! This is What I Do

Hello My Long Lost Friends! Or, perhaps it was I who was lost? And now I think I am beginning to find myself!  Under layers of fat, and self loathing!  How's that for an opening line!  Or perhaps the title of a novel:  Layers of Fat and Self-Loathing! Today I stepped on the scale.  I am weighing myself every morning these days. I was shocked! I told my partner the scale must be broken!  Yesterday I weight 186. Today 185! I have been on a strict intermittent fast for the past 10 weeks. I have officially lost 12 pounds!  And the best news is I think I not only can stick to this way of eating, I am actually beginning to really enjoy it!  And look how far I've come! I've been writing since May 12, 2015.  Over 8 years now!  I know this blog post says Year Four, Day 328, but there have been many pauses in blogging. For instance, when I am not pleased with progress or simply have no words! I was 53 when I first began blogging. I am now 61. I honestly feel better than I did 8 years

Year Four, Day 335: "Crisis Fatigue"

Hello Friends! I have missed you! I have been so utterly exhausted and downright depressed, that I couldn't summon enough energy to even lift my fingers to this computer keyboard to write.  Apparently there is a mental disorder for people going through crises.  Crises such as pandemics, systemic racism, political division, unemployment, police brutality, civil unrest.... It's called "crisis fatigue". When humans are presented with a threat, adrenaline is released to give us quick energy. This is called the "fight or flight syndrome". But when threats are overwhelming, and perceivably continuous, like this year, it overwhelms the system. People can feel numb, depressed, anxious and irritable. Yup. That's me.  I guess I'm quite normal after all! I found an interesting article that describes crisis fatigue, especially in relation to current events.  But it doesn't really address how to take care of ourselves during these unsettling times!

Year Two, Day 313: Most Excited Am I!

I almost started today's blog with my standard, "Most tired am I" And I am. So tired. And ready for spring.  But tonight when I got home, my wonderful housemate told me that I had a package waiting for me on the counter.  So I ran in and found the book I had been waiting for: Open Mind, Open Heart , by Thomas Keating. Most excited am I! I put a bag of popcorn in the microwave, filled my water and was heading downstairs to open my new book - but I had to detour around the cat who had just killed and attempted to eat a spider. Good kitty! :) I ordered this book the day that I was inspired to turn my introversion into a positive. To use it as a stepping stone to a deeper relationship with God. To go up to the next level in my spiritual path. Thomas Keating is known as "The leader within the Catholic world in the task of recovering our Christian contemplative heritage" Ewert H. Cousins, General Editor, "World Spirituality, An Encyclopedic Hist