It's hot today in Portland. 81 degrees. My favorite place to be on a hot day is the air conditioned library. Who am I kidding? My favorite place to be on ANY day is the library!
But especially on a hot day. Especially after spending all day in a very warm church.
It was a good day, nonetheless. Tomorrow is my end of the year student piano recital. I love these pre-recital lessons. I sit back and marvel at these young people I've taught. Did I have any part in releasing the music that is flowing through them?
I smile and relax. I usually close my eyes. I tell them the most important part about their performance is when they sit down at the piano. Right before they play that first note.
That is the time to take their "Samurai" breath, and focus on the present moment. Imagine how the first notes will sound. And own their time on stage.
My students are adorable. They are all stellar piano samurais!
I feel good today. I've been sleeping better. I tend to fall asleep about 10:30 or 11:00 p.m. and then pop up about 4:30 a.m. This is an improvement over my 2 a.m. awakenings. Lately, I stay awake and check email and play Words with Friends until a more diginified hour to become verticle. Usually 5:30.
I felt really strong in my hooping session again. I am starting to take it up a notch with longer hooping times. School will be out for the summer soon, so I plan on starting to hoop at the track next door to the neighborhood school. I love hooping early in the morning, in the middle of the field.
I had a lovely breakfast with my mother. We talked a lot about her childhood. She is still grieving the passing of her brother, but she is starting to feel more peaceful.
I've been thinking a lot about death lately. A friend of mine is sitting by with her family at her dad's bedside. His time is at hand. And they are transitioning him to safe passage to the other side in the most peaceful and loving fashion.
I hope that I live to a ripe old age. And when it is my time to pass, that I am able to say goodbye so lovingly to my family.
I used to be deathly afraid of death. Every night I lay in bed praying to God not to let my Mommy and Daddy die. The thought terrified me.
In my self-centered teen and early adult years, I didn't pay much attention to my spiritual needs. But shortly before giving birth to my first child, I felt a gentle, warm tug in the center of my chest. I started questioning again. I sought a connection with God again.
As a mother of two small children, I became a prayer warrier again. So fearful of any harm coming to my precious little miracles.
But now I am seeing death differently. Not so much an end, but a time of transition. And knowing that it is inevitable - yes, we all will leave our mortal bodies sooner or later - I am starting to feel an urgent need to be more present in my life. My loving. More compassionate.
My son visited me today at the end of my teaching day at the church where I teach on Saturdays. We sat in the sanctuary and talked a bit. I did not lecture. I did not confront. I did not fret.
But I did set boundaries with my adult son. I told him that I am here if he has questions, or needs help. But that I expect him to try first to take care of business on his own. And I will not be texting him little reminders, writing out little notes and calling him in my anxiety.
He nodded. It was a good moment.
We sat for a bit. Then I looked up at the cross behind the alter.
"Will you pray with me?" I asked him.
He nodded, a bit hesitantly and bowed his head.
"No.", I said. "Up there, motioning to the alter. Let's approach God together".
I do believe we can all speak to God privately in our hearts, but it just felt right to walk up to the rail with my grown man child and kneel. I prayed out loud for my son and our whole family. I thanked God for watching over us.
Then I asked my son if he'd like to say anything.
And surprisingly he did. In his sweet, humble, manner.
I felt myself exhale. Whatever happens in our lives, I will remember this moment. It was a very good moment.
Talk to you tomorrow!
Love,
Zita
P.S. Here is today's hooping video. Day 335!
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