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Year Four, Day 48: About that Brain Tumor

 About that brain tumor. 

I wasn't worried. My daughter, however was. She drove me to  my ENT appointment today. As I prepared to depart, she said, "Promise me you will mention the possibility of a brain tumor, Mom. Tell them your daughter was a public health major at Oregon State University".

I promised her.

And I always keep my word.

So, as I sat in the medical chair, kicking my feet back and forth in the air, like a little kid (I'm short and the chair was tall), I casually mentioned the brain tumor to my doctor.  I told her I had made a promise to my daughter, who has been very worried about me.  Especially since my trip to the ER - which she forced upon me. She thought I was having a stroke.

I said, "She wanted to make sure you knew she was a public health major at OSU". I chuckled.

My ENT doctor was a wonderful young woman.  Extremely personable. And fun!  We were cracking each other up!

I told her that my lack of a sense of smell came in handy on occasions. Like when I'm riding the bus.  She laughed out loud at that time.

"But, it is very sad too", I said, furrowing my brow.

She looked up from her notes.

"The other day I was baking homemade bread, and I couldn't smell it baking!", I said with a sigh.

She nodded. "That is sad", she said thoughtfully.

I didn't tell her it was gluten free. 

We chatted a bunch about my health issues. She then gave me a referral for an MRI. Of my head. I am going to be calling tomorrow to make an appointment. It will show my sinuses and hopefully the lack of tumor in my brain or elsewhere. She told me to reassure my daughter. In all her years as a doctor, she only discovered one brain tumor.


I am in an extraordinarily good, upbeat mood today. I am having a Tigger kind of day.  About 80 % of the time I identify with Eyore. Then a couple of days a month, I bounce! I'm confident! I'm not overly sensitive! I laugh a lot. 

It has been said the characters in the Winnie-the Pooh books represent various mental disorders.  Since I am a combination of Tigger and Eyore, I believe I am pretty much a depressive personality with moments of mania, where my Tigger emerges.

I love my Tigger days. But I do have to be careful to keep my mouth in check when Tigger comes bouncing in.  I often start talking and don't come up for air until I see the pained expressions on whoever is the unfortunate person to be conversing with me. Or, should I say listening to my soliloquy!

I think I enjoy my Tigger days more than my friends and family do.  My daughter says I am "exhausting" when Tigger shows up. 

I am surprised I feel so good today.

I got very little sleep last night. I had one of my wide awake from midnight to 3 a.m. evenings.

I blame it on Scott Stapp. And the pumpkin spice latte I had earlier at Starbucks. And finishing the novel Never Stop Walking by Christina Rickardsson.  And possibly Little House on The Prairie. We are currently finishing Season Three. I cry most episodes.

I am sitting at the library with Scott Stapp in the background on youtube. I don't know what led me to him last night. I had forgotten my obsession with him when he was with Creed years ago.  Somehow in the paralyzing moments of my insomnia this morning, I stumbled across a current video of him.  His head was shaved, but he still had those mesmorizing eyes.  Although, they were kinder now. Cleaner.  Not so maniacal. Word is he is clean and sober. He's also married with children and older. Still he has presence. And a powerful voice.

I have goosebumps now.  The newest video that popped up is "Inside us All" from a live concert in São Paulo in 2016.



The favelas (slums) of São Paulo is where Christina Rickardsson spent her early childhood.  

I highly recommend her book.  It is well written, the characters are fascinating and well developed. It is a true story with a happy ending. And even better still, the author is still alive and very active in making the world a better place for street children.

It's funny how all of this has tied together today.  Note: When Tigger emerges I tend to find connections between events and ideas in my head that may not usually strike me as very profound. Tigger is very enthusiastically profound!
 

Anyway, after my ENT appointment, I stopped at the library and then headed to Starbucks.  One of my former students dads picked me up and took me to their house.  One son plays violin, the other piano. They are amazing boys. One going into 8th grade, the other 6th grade. I started the youngest on piano just three years ago.  He is very focused and enthusiastic. His dad told me he currently practices every day 45 minutes to an hour.

They are practicing a violin-piano duet for a recital coming up. But their teachers are on break because of  Labor Day.  So I got a mini concert. After which I gave them some pointers.  

Their technique is solid. The notes and rhythm were spot on. What was lacking was passion.

Good thing I was in rare Tigger form. We had a wonderful session. Dad made me tea and brought me a fresh, sliced peach.  I had the pianist watch for cues from the violinist. Then I told them to watch videos of Yo-Yo Ma.  They need to feel the music in their bodies and move!

 I told them about Samurai focus and concentration. Then I had their dad pull up a Youtube video of Scott Stapp singing "Higher".  That video is about the best example of confident musicians walking onstage, and owning the crowd that I have ever scene. 


They giggled a bit.  But by the end of our session, these boys were feeling it. So was I. I had tears in my eyes.

Dad was so appreciative. He told me that I was the most "fun, goofy teacher he knew." He also said that this is what they need to take the music to the next level.

I floated out to the car. Then they took me out for dinner.  

I don't understand why I can be so insecure, anxious and pretty much down on myself one day and so up the next.  

It could also be that I'm finally getting enough oxgen to my brain. I brought my CPAP home two nights ago. The first night I slept like a log. Last night, my Tigger emerged and I was wired most of the night.  

I'm hoping I can get some good sleep tonight.

I do know that I am feeling good about myself right now.  I don't think I will ever retire from teaching piano.  On the drive to dinner, the dad told me he cannot stand boring teachers or boring music.  He is so happy his boys love playing music and that they are able to play a variety.  

I am feeling like I am on the right path. I have cut way back on teaching hours so I can spend time with my granddaughter.  Both activities I love with all my heart. That I do not ever want to get bored with or burnt out. In fact, I told my friend, I fear boredom more than most things in life.  I cringe when I see a young person write "I'm bored", on Facebook.

They might as well say "I'm boring, entitled and addicted to television, the internet, and my cell phone."

There is so much to learn, discover and experience in life. Boring should be banned from the dictionary!

On that note, I'm going to bounce on out of here.

Hope to talk to you tomorrow. (Or the next day).

I am pleased to announce that I did hoop today! My daughter and grandbaby have been accompanying me to the park. They often video bomb me. :)

Love,

Zita






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