Skip to main content

Year Two, Day 230: Soul Tending

At 3:30 a.m. I woke with a start. Heart pounding. Mouth dry.

I had the most vivid disturbing nightmare. I dreamt I was playing in a concert. Accompanying various singers. But I couldn't find the right shoes backstage. Sp I put on six inch stilettos. Came tottering out on stage, and discovered I had the wrong music folder. Tottered backstage and got the right one.

There was dead silence in the audience. I was trying to act cool, lole I had it all under control

I was to play a solo first. But when I opened my folder, nothing looked familiar. Just black, blurry dots on a white page.

I decided to fake it. I just started playing, improvising a bit, and I started veing able to make out some of the chords, but then a breeze came up and kept turning my page. I heard snickering in the background. My heart sank

My hands started to shake.


Just then I realized I had forgotten to practice!

That's when I woke up.

My pulse has slowed down to almost normal. I took a big gulp of water. I assured myself I did not have any upcoming concerts I had to practice for.

I think I'll sleep now for a few hours. Hopefully with dreams of puppies and butterflies!

Talk to you later...

It is now later.

I spent most of the day with my daughter. My sick daughter.  We started with our traditional pho.  She has the flu. But a different strain than mine was. She mostly has fatigue and body aches.  The pho seemed to revive her a bit.

We did some shopping afterwards. We decided that orange chicken, rice and vegatables were in order for dinner.

So after pho and shopping, she came home and did laundry and settled down for a nap. I made dinner and cleaned.

The orange chicken was da bomb!


I really do not know where the day went. Or how I am ever going to be able to go back to a regular working schedule next week when winter term begins!

After the dishes were done, I settle down with my prayer journal and my bible.  Then I realized why I had been a bit out of sorts all day. I had forgotten to pray!

I am on week two, day two of Challenge: Daily Meditations on "The Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius"

Today the focus was on how we see ourselves, how others see us and how God sees us.  The exercise was to pick two words that I would use to describe myself. Two words my friends would use. Two words my family would use. And two words I think God would use.

My Words;
1. Compassionate
2. Fearful

My Family`s Words:
1. Sensitive
2. Optimistic

My Friend`s Words:
1. Funny
2. Interesting

God`s Words:
1. Loving
2. Insecure


I am so glad I am doing this study. The timing is perfect. I have down time between teaching. I have been ill and home bound. I have taken a break from dating.  A good time to work on myself.  When I feel better physically, I will spend more time on my physical self with longer workouts at the gym. But now, I feel my soul needs tending.

I want to share with you the introduction to week two in the book:

"Someone said, "I am three persons; the person I think I am,
the person you think I am, and the person I really am".

The daily meditations of this week are designed to help you get a clearer picture of the real you---not the "you" you think you are, not the "you2 other people think you are, but the "you" you really are.

The grace you ask of God before each meditation is this;

"Lord, give me eyes to see myself as I really am".

Perhaps this has been the destination of my journey after all. To discover my true self!
Happy Tuesday!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Year Four, Day 328: Success at Last!! This is What I Do

Hello My Long Lost Friends! Or, perhaps it was I who was lost? And now I think I am beginning to find myself!  Under layers of fat, and self loathing!  How's that for an opening line!  Or perhaps the title of a novel:  Layers of Fat and Self-Loathing! Today I stepped on the scale.  I am weighing myself every morning these days. I was shocked! I told my partner the scale must be broken!  Yesterday I weight 186. Today 185! I have been on a strict intermittent fast for the past 10 weeks. I have officially lost 12 pounds!  And the best news is I think I not only can stick to this way of eating, I am actually beginning to really enjoy it!  And look how far I've come! I've been writing since May 12, 2015.  Over 8 years now!  I know this blog post says Year Four, Day 328, but there have been many pauses in blogging. For instance, when I am not pleased with progress or simply have no words! I was 53 when I first began blogging. I am now 61. I honestly feel better than I did 8 years

Year Four, Day 335: "Crisis Fatigue"

Hello Friends! I have missed you! I have been so utterly exhausted and downright depressed, that I couldn't summon enough energy to even lift my fingers to this computer keyboard to write.  Apparently there is a mental disorder for people going through crises.  Crises such as pandemics, systemic racism, political division, unemployment, police brutality, civil unrest.... It's called "crisis fatigue". When humans are presented with a threat, adrenaline is released to give us quick energy. This is called the "fight or flight syndrome". But when threats are overwhelming, and perceivably continuous, like this year, it overwhelms the system. People can feel numb, depressed, anxious and irritable. Yup. That's me.  I guess I'm quite normal after all! I found an interesting article that describes crisis fatigue, especially in relation to current events.  But it doesn't really address how to take care of ourselves during these unsettling times!

Year Four, Day 247: What Happened in Vegas...

  Expectations can be brutal. Especially when reality dashes them against the rocky shores of our souls. How's that for an opening line? I was so excited about my recent trip to Las Vegas.  I haven't travelled anywhere in so long. I do believe I have been bit by the travel bug.  I want the freedom to go places I have never been, see things I have never seen and experience life as a stellar adventure! My kids are young adults with families of their own.  I have my role as Zma, as Teacher Zita. But I am on a quest to find Zita. She's hidden someone deep inside. Covered in layers. Like an onion. I like the onion analogy. Notice the outermost layer of an onion - dry  and papery. As you peel off layers, the inside is juicy and sweet. I have paid my dues of sacrifice, shame and self deprivation.  What I want now is to embrace the life I have remaining. Have you seen the life pie chart? I don't know where I read this, but it stuck with me.  Draw a circle.  And then divide it i