Second graders and kindergartners. So darn cute. I love working with the woman who does these musicals. We do two a year. She often writes some of the script and music. We are a good team.
After rehearsal I had lunch with my son. He loves his job. I met him there and we had a quick sandwich. It is good to see him looking healthy and happy. He only had a short break. Good thing, because then a member of a choir I accompany called and asked if we could rehearse. He is singing a solo for our upcoming concert. He has a lovely voice. I did not realize he had never sung a solo in public before, but told him I would love to work with him. But at that very moment I was getting on the bus heading up to my doctors office. They called me this morning and told me I won their raffle, a Starbucks card!
Me who never wins anything!
It was cold, raining, and the buses were packed. But I was determined to make it to get my winnings before I started teaching. I told my friend I was on the bus and it was moving slowly.
"Get off the bus!", he exclaimed. "I will come get you. Take you to get your card and then we can rehearse my song."
Well, my whole life feels like a spy movie, so of course, I got right off the bus and called him back.
"Pick me up on the corner of 82nd and Powell, in the KFC parking lot", I said.
In just about 10 minutes, he pulled up. I hopped in. We got my Starbucks card and made it down to the music center in time to run through his solo.
It is a lovely song. I am so glad we managed to squeeze in a rehearsal. AND I have a fully loaded Starbucks card to boot!
I taught piano classes all day.
It was good therapy for me. I forced my brain to remain entirely present. We have a piano recital coming up. Plus I have a good work ethic. It is not ethical to daydream about men, "I" in particular when I should be teaching!
I am working through my bad habits of obsessing and changing my behavior when I am interested in a man. The pattern is, I meet someone. There is an instant spark, usually intense eye contact. They seem very interested, even fascinated with me. Give me much attention. I am skeptical at first. Light hearted, unconcerned. Independent am I! Happy on my own! Involved in my very full life.
But if there is an attraction and the interest from them continues, I begin to melt. And then my thoughts turn more to them. And I begin to daydream.
And as I turn more attention to them, they begin to disappear like mist in the wind.
LOL....I know. I know. Overly dramatic.
But I do not want "I" to become mist in the wind.
He did not text me today. And that is ok. Really. In fact, our last text exchange was yesterday. Where I suggested I buy the drinks next time. He seemed very pleased and flattered. He knew about the "Over and Out" hidden pub I like.
So I think it might be my call to text him and suggest when we will go.
We are single. Free agents. He is a beautiful man. Polite, respectful. Both dates were fun.
The fact that he does not engage in texts throughout the day is what it is. Not need to analyze. I am continuing with my life. Inhaling, exhaling, sleeping, eating, working, living my life. I may text him when I feel the spirit move me.
But I am not going to repeat my HFKAR (the busdriver) experience. That was infatuation on crack! Pardon the expression.
Plus, I do have a couple of very polite, nice friendly men bantering with me via text. One very nice man, "K" asked me to breakfast on Tuesday. Another very sweet man "M" asked me to coffee after church on Sunday.
Of course they are not tall, lean, dark-eyed, wavy black haired Mediteranean middle aged men who look like movie stars. Like "I". And they will probably not park outside of Starbucks and text me that "I am waiting for you in the dark blue Town Car by the curb, beautiful".
And THEN stand there holding the door open, smiling a smile that would melt an iceberg and kiss my hand before helping me into the car.
Sigh.
But then my type always break my heart.
Sigh.
See? My life is like a spy movie!
But there are plenty of fish in the sea, right?
Frankly I do have a weakness for the devilishly dark and way too good looking ethnic sort. You should have seen my daughters father in his prime!
One would have thought I would have learned a life time of lessons from that experience!
But I digress.
Anyway, I did a bit of Christmas shopping yesterday. Even with my Christmas gifts, I want to be intentional and thoughtful.
Just like "I".
Oops! Did I just type that?
Nope not thinking him!
I have been reading research about music therapy. There was an amazing study done on Alzheimers patients that I read about. They used ipods loaded eith patient's favorite music to stimulate memory with great success. There was a very moving documentary done on the subject: http://seniorplanet.org/alive-inside-the-remarkable-story-of-ipods-and-alzheimers/
I noticed at Thanksgiving that my father was quiet and kept to himself. He wanted a blanket. He watched the family, but did not interact.
Now if you know my father, you might think this is a pleasant change from his eccentric, combative, ornery self. Yes. But not normal behavior for him. I was concerned. Although enjoying the peace, I was!
My father was the one who taught me to play the piano. He had a musical obsession. There was always music playing in our home. Usually classical. Either recordings, my father, my brother or I on the piano. My father also composed. There are piles of his musical manuscripts at my parents home. I am attempting to put some of them into the computer and print them out for him. They are difficult to dicipher though, written in pencil and have become quite smudge over time.
I considered buying him an Ipod for Christmas. But he is very old school. Will not learn to use a computer. So I bought him a CD Walkman with an am-fm radio and headphones. He said once he really like Johnny Cash. I bought him a Johnny Cash CD and Frank Sinatra. I am taking the Walkman to breakfast with my mom tomorrow. With the Johnny Cash CD. She thinks my dad might respond positively. I told her to let him try it. If he likes Johnny Cash, I will give him Frank Sinatra and some classical albums for Christmas.
I feel hope with this. My father is not easy to love, but this could enhance his life. And as a teacher and musician, it will be interesting to see the outcome.
And I am going to apply music therapy to my own life. Perhaps really immersing myself into playing more music, listening to more music and being more present in my teaching, I will be able to truly exhale and stop waiting for Prince I or some other male fantasy figure to rescue me from my life.
My life is good.
And if I can truly just let go and accept my life and myself, perhaps I will eventually allow real love to also enter my life.
There are plenty of fish in the sea. But I refuse to lure with bait, only to have to take out the hook and set them free. We should be attracted and be drawn together naturally. And then swim off happily ever after. Side by side. Hey, a girl can dream!
I found another site speaking about music therapy. This one specific to Parkinsons. I have not read the whole article. It is getting late. I will read it tomorrow. But here is an excerpt:
"Music therapy has proven to be particularly effective for people with Parkinson's disease. Research in both music therapy and in neuroscience has shown that music can affect function in profound ways. In fact, some neuroscience studies have shown that certain types of music stimulate the production of dopamine and serotonin — two neurotransmitters (chemicals produced by brain cells) that are diminished in PD patients.
Many individuals with Parkinson's have problems with initiation and consecutive movement. They also have problems with slowness of movement, or bradykinesia. Music, particularly rhythm, can become a template for organizing a series of movements." Carolyn Dobson for the Neurologic Music Therapy Group (http://www.apdaparkinson.org/music-therapy/)
P.S. I must confess. After teaching tonight, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up food for dinner. I must have "I" on the brain. I bought parsley, green, onions, tomatoes, garlic and lemon for a tabbouli salad. I also bought Greek olives and feta cheese. Hey, I was craving middle eastern food!
Ok. I was daydreaming about "I".
Sigh.
I will be ok.
Happy Friday!
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