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Year Three, Day 342: Inner Peace

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
(Philippians 4:7 ESV)

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by life that you feel paralyzed?

I felt like that much of today.  I put on a good face.  I did some deep breathing. Drank much coffee.  Prayed.  Read from the Psalms.  

But still, I had this feeling of impending doom.

Granted, I've had this feeling most of my life. When I would seek counseling, and the counselor would ask to describe how I was feeling, I would say that I had a feeling of impending doom.  

I've learned that it is most likely anxiety and not some prophetic gift of mine.

It's hard to shake when it comes upon me.

But I am proud of myself.  I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, and when all my troubles, and all my worries and fears for my family threatened to pull me under, I just took deep breaths and told God that I was putting this in His hands.

And then an amazing thing happened.  I was visiting my daughter and Baby Grace.  My granddaughter, by the way, has an amazing healing and calming effect on me.  I could feel the storm cloud lift when I say her smiling face and her chubby little arms reaching out to me.

She is amazing enough, but what lifted me even more was something my daughter gave to me.  She had been given little cards by her husband's mother, who visited last night. They each had a different Psalm printed on them. And a picture to color. Some had butterflies, some had crosses, and flowers.  She also gave me some gel pens. She said I could say a prayer as I colored the cards to give to people. Friends, family...she even gave me extra to give to "some of the homeless people you meet on the bus".

I thanked her and put them in my book bag. Then headed out to catch the bus to teach piano for the afternoon.  It wasn't until I was sitting at Starbucks, writing in my prayer journel, praying and trying to breathe away the feeling of impending doom, that I remember the cards.  I didn't have time to color them then, but after I finished teaching, I remembered them.  

I was going to head out for a bite to eat and color my cards when one of the staff from the office poked his head in. Usually I need to pack up, straighten up the piano lab and head out immediately after my last class, so they staff can close up. But he told me he was sticking around for a few hours, rehearsing downstairs and I was free to practice upstairs if I liked.

Would I like? I would love!  It seems I never have enough time with a piano. So i sat down and played for about 45 minutes.  It was early dusk when I left. The day had been mild. There was a nice, warm, quiet energy surrounding me as I walked to the bus stop.  

I stopped for a bit to eat and got out my cards. I colored one for a friend. I wrote her a little note.  

By the time I finished, the cloud of doom had lifted! 

I reached in my bag and pulled out a book I had been reading.  He mentioned Philippians 4:7.  

Inner peace.

Even before I had begun turning back to God, I remember desiring inner peace.  Again, something I mentioned in counseling. After I told them about my feeling of impending doom, they would usually ask my what I hoped to gain from counseling.

Without hesitating, I would say, "inner peace".

I never got it from counseling.

But I get a glimpse when I pray, when I hold my grandbaby, when I play the piano, and now when I color pictures on Psalm cards.

I am going to end here.  And seek sleep while I feel peaceful. My troubles can wait until tomorrow!
I will talk to you then.

Love,

Zita



P.S. Here is today's hooping video. Day 294!


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