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Year Four, Day 290: Detachment Challenge - Starting Over Tomorrow. Pass the Chips.

 Hello Friends:


Yup, I failed the detachment challenge. Big time.  

It was like my weakness - potato chips. If I see a bag, I start to salivate. I tell myself I don't need them.  The salt makes me poofy, the carbs make me cranky and fat.  Plus, I don't like to feel like I have no self control. 


I have very little self control around potato chips. When I am in the same room with chips, especially plain old Lays potato chips, I have to do a lot of self talk. And it ends up like this. I walk past. I try not to make eye contact. Then I grab a small bowl and tell myself, "only 10".


Of course, then I grab another 10, then a handful, and then with a sigh of resignation, I grab the whole bag, a magazine with recipes and sit down and scarf that whole puppy up!


I am that bad. 


As I have been with attempting to detach myself from reacting to those I love. Detach myself from lecturing those I love. Detach myself from being hurt by those I love.


My boyfriend thinks that my potato chip addiction is peanuts (pun intended, I also have a small problem with Planter's Roasted Peanuts!) ain't nothin' compared to my addiction to losing my temper.


Arrggg....Is there any hope for me? 


At all?


Just a smidgeon?


Luckily my man, my boyfriend, my FIANCE, says he will love me unconditionally forever.


Do I even deserve this love? 


Especially when he is often the brunt of my well-intended, but totally unsolicited advice.


Sigh. I failed. I ate the whole bag of chips.  I lectured, I offtered unsolicited advice, I cried over the actions of a loved one, I let myself read into someone's motive without knowing the real story. My imagination is quite creative and most vivid when it comes to fabricating stories based on clues.


I am like CSI.  Only I'm really not that good at it!


Anyway, I am convinced this is an area of much needed change for me. So I am starting over again tomorrow.  And I am not going to binge tonight. Not on potato chips, unsolicited advice, lecturing or creating a crisis.


I am just going to be. Part of my healing lies in the present moment, where I have a hard time being. I spend way to much time worrying about the future and/or reliving and regretting the past.


But that is why I started this blog. To grow. 


Growth is often painful.


And this is like pulling my own teeth.


Luckily I am back to work. Summer term started this week. I have a whole new batch of piano students. Delightful kids.


Teaching makes me happy.


Caring for my grandkids makes me happy.


Hooping makes me happy.  The future is so unknown.  I think I'll just detach from it!


The past is dead and gone. Detach from it too!


I need to feel the freedom of the present moment. To let everything else go. And be free.


I am starting right now!

Happy Wednesday!


Love,


Zita






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