Year Four, Day 288: Detachment Challenge, Day 1 - Like a Warrior!

Hi Friends! :) 

I took care of myself today. Well, mostly. 

I took care of myself after I spent the morning helping with my 1 month old (today!) grandtwins and my 3 1/2 year-old granddaughter. 

And after I worried incessantly about a loved one.  In my uniquely anxious, codependent way.

After all of that, I took care of myself by doing my hoop workout and then taking a nice long walk. It certainly was a beautiful day for a walk! 

I ran a few errands and then stopped at a little taco truck in the neighborhood, that  never seems to be open when I walk by.

But today was my lucky day! It was open, and I was allowed to eat my sumptious chorizo and carne asada tacos on their picnic bench.

I then texted my therapist and asked if he had a moment to talk or text. I told him I was struggling.  Indeed I was.

He answered promptly. He has been my lifeboat these past few years. Especially when we were locked down. He was my connection to the outside world and my own inner turmoil.

In one of my recent blogs I posted that there is no such thing as happily ever after.  There certainly is not! But I made it through a crisis today without melting down. This is a baby step forward for me.

I talked to him about my loved one in crisis.  My therapist, a friend and my own daughter suggested that the only crisis was the one I created in my reaction to the hurt I perceived coming from this person.

Ok.  The majority wins. I have always been overly sensitive and slightly depressed. I love to teach and help people. In fact, sometimes I think it is self serving. Because in doing so, I lift myself up.

And some folks don't want to be helped or "fixed".  I need to get that through my thick skull.

Years ago codependency was all the rage in the world of self help books. I read about it. I resonated with it. But  didn't really APPLY it.

Now I am learning about detachment. Funny thing about that word. It reminds me of a hilarious moment. In choir practice.  Years ago.  The director asked the choir if they knew the meaning of "staccato".  One member raised her hand and said, "Detached"?

One of the basses sitting behind me (I was their accompanist on the piano), immediately chirped, "Like what women always accuse men of!" 

Of course we all busted out laughing.

But I am not talking musical terms. I am talking about detaching myself from reacting to other's behaviors. From taking it personally. And last but not least, not trying to fix them.

In other words, minding my own beeswax!

Easier said then done for this overly sensitive Zma!

I found a lovely quote I'd like to share here. It is from an article on PsychCentral.com called "Codependencey and the Art of Detaching from Dysfunctional Family Members"

https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2017/04/codependency-and-the-art-of-detaching-from-dysfunctional-family-members

"According to codependency expert Melody Beattie, Detachment is based on the premises that each person is responsible for himself, that we cant solve problems that arent ours to solve, and that worrying doesnt help. (Codependent No More, 1992, page 60)

Detaching is a way off of the relationship rollercoaster. Detaching allows you to take care of yourself, honor your own feelings and needs, and let go of the guilt and shame that result from taking responsibility for other peoples bad choices."

I took some notes and will be pondering this for awhile. It seems like as I shed the worn, toxic layers from my wounded soul, I am finally reaching the roots.  

My therapist and I have had some "a-ha" moments lately.  We both feel I have made a ton of progress in my quest for inner peace, confidence and self-love.  We have talked about behaviors and mindsets. My childhood, my present and my dreams for the future.

Now we are reaching the why's.  One issue is abandonment. This is huge for me.  We will be working on this as well as the detachment/codependency trap.  And lastly on releasing fear.  Fear is such a big issue with me, and with so many people. Just typing that word makes my heart race.

F
E
A
R

Just four little letters. But they trigger me enourmously!

So as I grabbed some much needed solitude and me-time today, I pondered these things.  

Then I came home and played with my granddaughter in her kiddie pool and taught some piano.  

Doing what I love keeps the fear at bay.  Exercise - especially Qi Gong, Hooping and weights are essentially to my inner calm. Also deep breathing, praying, playing my piano, reading, talking with friends, hanging out with family and loved ones.

But that fear?

What I'd really like to do with that fear is crush it to pieces and scatter it into the wind. 

Like a warrior!

Some day.  But for now. Baby steps. 

And a challenge.  Suggested by my wise daughter. She said, "Zma, you love a challenge.  How about for 30 days, keep your opinions to yourself.  No suggestions unless someone asks your advice ". 

Challenge accepted!

Happy Friday! Day 1 of my Detachment Challenge!

Talk soon.

Love,

Zita 

PS Here is my latest hooping video!