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Year Four, Day 25: Zita, the Potato Bug

On breaking news this morning, all 12 boys from the Thai soccer team and their coach have been rescued from the cave!  My soul is singing!

I was pondering the subject of my blog today, as I perused the internet, reading the incredible story of their rescue. I was moved to tears by the heroic efforts of the Thai Navy Seals. One of whom lost his life in attempt to rescue these boys.

And then the hair on my arms stood up as I read the following from Steven Charleston, "a Native American elder, author, and retired Episcopal bishop of Alaska."


"Like all of you I am grateful for the safety of the children in the Thailand cave. I have watched their progress with white-knuckled hope. This long ordeal has made me think deeply about the meaning of rescue. To be lost in darkness, to be isolated, to be found: it seems the classic model of being brought back to life. But the one element made even more clear to me is the willingness to take the risk of rescue. Coming out of the cave takes courage, skill and trust. It takes teamwork. The spiritual metaphor we have been watching unfold in Thailand is a lesson to be learned as we pray these young lives to safety."  ~ Steven Charleston 7/10/2018


Coming out of the cave did indeed take courage.  Trusting in their rescuers took a big leap of faith.

And the metaphor continues, as I continue to come out of my cave of negativity.  Letting go of past hurts, resentments, guilt. Refusing to give into anxiety about the future. Just being grateful for my life on this broken, but beautiful planet right now.

I am starting to feel positive results of my new lifestyle.  Perhaps I should rephrase that: I am starting to feel positive!

I have been fighting depression and negative thinking for the past several months.

O.K. Let me rephrase that yet again!

I have been a victim of my depression and negative thinking my whole life! But I started working on myself when I was 12.

Yes 12 years old. I began reading self help books.

When will I learn that the best self help book is the Bible? My best therapy is exercising my mind, body and spirit daily.  Self-discipline plus strong faith equals a most balanced me!

I often need extra nudges. Or knocks on the head as reminders.

I got a big one. In church Sunday.  I went with my daughter, son-in-law and Baby Grace to their church. Gracie loves the praise music at the beginning of the service. She sings at the top of lungs in her own little baby language!

But when the service starts, and she is still singing, someone needs to take her out and so she does not distract the whole congregation.  Yesterday she started singing and didn't stop during the announcements. I offered to walk her around in the lobby.  I pushed her in her stroller. Around and around the enormous lobby. She usually takes a nap at 10:00 a.m. everyday.  Not yesterday. She fussed. She whined. She cried.  I sang to her. She shook her head, "No!" She arched her back and lifted her chubby arms up. I took her out of her stroller. We walked. I sang. She cried. She arched her back.

She wanted her mama.

So after the announcements, when the people were greeting her, I handed her back to her mom. She took her into a back room to nurse her. I went back into the sanctuary in time for the next song. I noticed there was a new keyboard player. He swayed and moved with the music. He was amazing. Not just playing chords, but listening and adding filler music. And he had a beautiful voice. I was mesmerized watching him.

Perhaps it was relief from the baby being taken care of by her mom. Perhaps it was the inspirational music. Perhaps, I am finally where I need to be.

But I felt incredibly lifted by the service. Especially the sermon.

Which, I felt was spoken directly to me. It was like God was speaking, using the pastor as the vessel. Directly into my soul. The message of his sermon was "Breaking out of negative cycles and re-enactments of battles". He gave us a plan which included "taking inventory of the strongholds in our lives".

And that is what I have been doing Since Sunday. Much to ponder! But how exciting to actually have a solution!

And part of that solution is to let go of my past, let go of anxiety about the future, and let go of trying to control the present.  The pastor talked about "creating a new thought process; replacing lies with the truth".

I must tell you at this very moment that the hymn "Be Still My Soul" has begun to play in my head.  I often have random pieces of music playing like a record on a turntable in my mind.  I love when it is a beautiful, relevant hymn, instead of some annoying television commercial jingle!

I looked up the lyrics, and found verse one and two most relevant:

1 Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side;
bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
leave to thy God to order and provide;
in ev'ry change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
thro' thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
2 Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
to guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
all now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice, who ruled them while He dwelt below.


https://hymnary.org/text/be_still_my_soul_the_lord_is_on_thy_side

I know what I need to do. I have been on this path for my whole life. It has not ended with my purging my old belonging to begin a new life with my daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter.

It has only begun. Now I am continuing to shed all of my old negative mental habits, addictions, basically "baggage" as the pastor said.

And I finally feeling the new me emerge.  Perhaps this is the original me. The child Zita before the world hurt her and cause her to curl up like a potato bug.

On that note, I need to end this blog. I have students soon.  

Talk to you tomorrow!

Love,

Zita



P.S. I am almost at 365 days of daily hooping! Here is my newest video. Day 363:



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