Skip to main content

Year Four, Day 32: Strong and Steady

I had a good night's sleep last night.  I slept like a dog. I slept like the dead. Or maybe a dead dog!

I think I got a solid 6 hours before I regained consciousness. It was about 4 a.m. I got out of bed, stretched, drank a bit of water, visited the restroom and then crawled back into bed. I felt a lovely breeze coming in through my open window. I knew that once the sun came up, I would have to shut it.  So I lay the enjoying the experience.

Then I shut my eyes for another two and a half hours.  I felt groggy, but rested. I decided not to hoop this morning.  I felt the need to move slowly.  I decided to pack my gym clothes. I will be going to the gym after I return to Vancouver. I teach in Portland today.

But first, breakfast with my mom.  She rolled in precisely at 7:30.  We headed over to Portland to our favorite diner. We were looking forward to talking with our usual server. She told us she had planned on seeing "Equalizer II" last weekend.  My mom and I are serious Denzel Washington fans. And "The Equalizer" is one of our favorites. My parents own the DVD. I think they've watched it over a dozen times. My mom can quote most of Denzel's lines. And embarrassingly enough, often does. In public.
She has a lot of character, my mother. And you gotta love a person with character.

We were pleased to find out she gave Equalizer a high rating.  My mom is tickled that Denzel's character is a Lyft driver.  So am I. I have many fond memories of my Lyft rides when I was living in Milwaukie.

Amazingly, the public transportation to and from Vancouver is much easier now that I live near 4th plain. The Vine goes up and down 4th plain.  Nearly every 10 minutes from about 4:30 a.m. until about 12:30 a.m.  I love the Vine!

Did I mention how hot is is today?  So hot, that I am taking my time here in the library. The library is one of my favorite hangouts. Especially on a hot day.  From here, I will stop at the bank and grab a light dinner before heading over the river. My gym has excellent air conditioning. I may even soak in the jacuzzi a bit.

I am hoping I have another restful night of sleep. Tomorrow I have a long Baby Gracie shift. My daughter and son-in-law play softball on a team through their church.  Too hot for me to bring her to the ballpark. So I will be home all afternoon with her.

If I get enough rest, it will be a piece of cake. She and I have many activities we do together.  When it is time for her nap, I will put in the DVD "Little House on the Prairie".  Like my mother with Equalizer, Gracie knows many lines from the movie.  It is our comforting ritual before her nap.  She is crawling now. And quickly. So I have to keep up my energy to keep up with her!

I feel like life is settling down again.  I feel like I am healing, my nerves are calm, my heartbeat strong and steady. My sleep study appointment Thursday night caused me some angst. But I have come to the conclusion, that if I am not eligible for a CPAP machine, I will just work even harder to lose weight and work on my sleeping pattern.

I do want to be around to watch my granddaughter grow up. And I still have so much of life to experience.

I picked up an interesting book at the library. I'll read a bit over dinner before the long trek home. It is called Lessons from the Prairie, by Melissa Francis. It is based on Gracie and my favorite show!  I will also read from Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. I do believe that regularly reading positive thinking books, studying the bible and prayer will heal me.

And not to beat a dead horse (what is it with all the dead animal analogies?), I am returning to veggies, fruit, chicken, water, green tea for sustenance.  I am going to try and stay away from white, sugar and fried foods.  More exercise. More sleep.  More music! I forgot to mention that during my night of torment at the sleep lab, it came to me. A small voice inside. Was it God?  It said, "More music, more prayer. Keep your mind clear."  My mind had been racing. Many negative images from the past. Many words. Mostly negative words.

I told myself to remember to replace the negative words with prayer and music.  That's what I have been lacking lately. Music!

After my last student today, I stayed and practiced a bit. The church I teach at on Saturdays has a lovely grand piano. But not AC.  I practiced a piece I am preparing for a church service I am playing for next weekend.

How wonderful it felt, to sit in a dark church, alone. Practicing.

I need music.  How often I put it on the back burner. I teach music several hours a week. But I need to carve out time for me.

Music is healing. For me, especially playing music.

I also got Season 5 of "A Place to Call Home", an Acorn Film production. It is set in 1958 in Australia. One of my favorite series ever! I do need to pace myself and limit myself to one episode a night.  I don't want to mess with my sleep again!

 But I've stalled long enough. I need to head out. On that note, I wish you a lovely evening.

I will talk to you tomorrow. And should have a new hooping video then.

Until then,

Zita


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Year Four, Day 328: Success at Last!! This is What I Do

Hello My Long Lost Friends! Or, perhaps it was I who was lost? And now I think I am beginning to find myself!  Under layers of fat, and self loathing!  How's that for an opening line!  Or perhaps the title of a novel:  Layers of Fat and Self-Loathing! Today I stepped on the scale.  I am weighing myself every morning these days. I was shocked! I told my partner the scale must be broken!  Yesterday I weight 186. Today 185! I have been on a strict intermittent fast for the past 10 weeks. I have officially lost 12 pounds!  And the best news is I think I not only can stick to this way of eating, I am actually beginning to really enjoy it!  And look how far I've come! I've been writing since May 12, 2015.  Over 8 years now!  I know this blog post says Year Four, Day 328, but there have been many pauses in blogging. For instance, when I am not pleased with progress or simply have no words! I was 53 when I first began blogging. I am now 61. I honestly feel better than I did 8 years

Year Four, Day 335: "Crisis Fatigue"

Hello Friends! I have missed you! I have been so utterly exhausted and downright depressed, that I couldn't summon enough energy to even lift my fingers to this computer keyboard to write.  Apparently there is a mental disorder for people going through crises.  Crises such as pandemics, systemic racism, political division, unemployment, police brutality, civil unrest.... It's called "crisis fatigue". When humans are presented with a threat, adrenaline is released to give us quick energy. This is called the "fight or flight syndrome". But when threats are overwhelming, and perceivably continuous, like this year, it overwhelms the system. People can feel numb, depressed, anxious and irritable. Yup. That's me.  I guess I'm quite normal after all! I found an interesting article that describes crisis fatigue, especially in relation to current events.  But it doesn't really address how to take care of ourselves during these unsettling times!

Year Two, Day 313: Most Excited Am I!

I almost started today's blog with my standard, "Most tired am I" And I am. So tired. And ready for spring.  But tonight when I got home, my wonderful housemate told me that I had a package waiting for me on the counter.  So I ran in and found the book I had been waiting for: Open Mind, Open Heart , by Thomas Keating. Most excited am I! I put a bag of popcorn in the microwave, filled my water and was heading downstairs to open my new book - but I had to detour around the cat who had just killed and attempted to eat a spider. Good kitty! :) I ordered this book the day that I was inspired to turn my introversion into a positive. To use it as a stepping stone to a deeper relationship with God. To go up to the next level in my spiritual path. Thomas Keating is known as "The leader within the Catholic world in the task of recovering our Christian contemplative heritage" Ewert H. Cousins, General Editor, "World Spirituality, An Encyclopedic Hist