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Year Four, Day 179: Down in My Heart

Friday night I was walking home through the park across the street from our apartments. It was early evening, near dusk.  I usually avoid the park after dark.  During the day, lovely families with children frolic in the playground, gangly teens shoot hoops, and an assortment of people gather in the baseball diamonds for ball games.

But after dark, it's another kind of character altogether. Characters of the thug type.  Not that I have anything against thugs, or any particular group of people. But these thugs do run in packs, curse, smoke, drink, and other assorted activities.  They do not look very friendly.

If I do find myself walking through the park after dark, I walk quickly, yielding my batlight. That usually keeps them away.

But Friday night was different. There were many, many people in the park. Mostly families. Spreading blankets on the ground and opening up lawn chairs.

They were flocking towards the large, inflatable movie screen.  I deducted that it must be a free movie in the park night. It was!

I decided to sit down and finish drinking my bottled water, knit a bit on my round loom (making a baby hat for my new grandbaby) and people watch. I called my daughter. She and her husband and my granddaughter met me for a bit.

It was so nice to sit in the park, on a warm summer night and feel safe in a crowd.




My thoughts about safety in a crowd changed yesterday.  My thoughts tend to do after a shooting
 An occurrence that has become sadly common place here in the United States. (Which are disintegrating into the UNUnited States lately).

Yesterday we has two mass shootings in less than 24 hours. The first at a Walmart in El Paso, Texas. My heart aches for the families innocently doing their back to school shopping, only to have their trip cut short tragically.  I started praying the moment I heard the breaking news.

I went to Twitter to get updates and hear what my contacts were saying.  Another angry, young white man with an agenda. And an AK-47.

I respect the rights of American citizens to arm themselves. Handguns for protection. Rifles for hunting and target practice.

But I see no need for assault rifles.  AK-47's, AR-15's.  I have been criticized for my lack of knowledge of assault rifles and their proper names. But I care not. All I know is they are weapons of mass destruction.  They kill many in a short time.

Late last night, I was finally going to bed. I was worried about getting enough sleep since my first day at my new church was the next morning. But then my Twitter feed lit up.  Another shooting! Less then 24 hours from the last one. This time at a bar in Dayton, OH. Same scenario. Angry young white guy. AK-47.

I didn't sleep much last night. And it will be awhile before I feel safe in a crowd again.

This morning, I grabbed a large coffee at Starbucks before I headed to church to warmup before service.  I thought of our opening hymn: "Down in My Heart". A very peppy hymn:

"I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart;
Down in my heart;
Down in my heart...."

Trust me. It's peppy.

I did not feel pepppy.

I felt downright depressed. How could I be all "yippee skippy" in church this morning after such a devastating tragedy?  I mentioned it to the pastor. She agreed with me. We decided she would ask for a moment of silence before the service. But we would still sing "Down in My Heart". Because joy is not killed by evil.

I love this pastor.

Church was lovely. Very healing. But my heart is still heavy.

For the offertory, I played an arrangement of Fairest Lord Jesus. In  my heart I dedicated it to the victims of the El Paso and Dayton shootings.  Here is a video of me practicing it before church.

I can't write anymore.  My heart is aching for all the suffering in all world.

But underneath there is still joy.

Bless you today and everyday, my friends.

Love,

Zita





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