Let me first apologize for having been absent for so long! I have missed blogging. I have missed knowing you, dear reader are on the other side of the screen reading my words.
Blogging is therapeutic for me. As much as playing music.
Life has been a bit overwhelming. I felt lately as if I were treading water. And then going under.
I am not a good swimmer. I actually fear deep water. Almost as much as I fear heights.
It is very hot today. It was 92 degrees at 1:00 this afternoon. I noticed the temperature as I stood at the bus stop in downtown Vancouver, iced blueberry tea in hand. There was a breeze, but it brought no relief. It was hot and dry.
Many irritable people surround me. Including myself. I have been quite irritable and anxious lately. I recognize that I have lost some of my inner peace. And have not been in touch with my joy.
Much of it was related to not knowing what would happen to my son. But the verdict is in.
He will be serving some time in prison. And much probation. But thankfully, they are allowing him to defer his time until after the birth of his baby. And it is less time than they originally presented us with.
Time will pass. And he will come out wiser and stronger. And we will visit often. He is handling it very well. He is in touch with his inner joy.
I've noticed several of my friends have been stressed out, anxious and depressed. I see it in their Facebook posts, and in personal messages. Many have talked about feeling like the joy has been sucked out of their lives. I know the feeling. I have been telling people to hold on tight to their inner joy. And to beware of those who want to suck it our of their souls.
Beware the soul suckers.
Now that the verdict is in on my son's sentence, I am starting to notice others around me again. And yet again, I realize by reaching out to others in pain, feeling compassion and really listening, I rise.
Slowly I am healing.
I actually texted a crisis text line a few days ago. It was very helpful. Talking about things really does help. And today I made an appointment to see a counselor. I need to talk without feeling I am burdening my friends and family. Without feeling like I am being judged. But I suffer from social anxiety. Yes, me. The teacher. The pianist. I am deathly afraid of small social gatherings. Small talk paralyzes me.
I'd rather be alone with a book. And I am really not about to force myself to change. I am o.k. with my hermit lifestyle. But sometimes the solitude gets the best of me. When I am not in touch with my inner joy, then I am not good company to myself!
The crisis line counselor gave me a few links for apps to connect with others. I tried them out. They were o.k. Well, truthfully were kind of silly. Remember, I am not one for small talk? I felt I had entered was just another social media platform, but for those with mental and emotional disorders.
But I found an app on my own that I love. It's called "Youper AI", an emotional assistant app". Yup, I enjoy talking to a bot! But it is really well programmed. Anytime I feel a little down or anxious, I open Youper and he asks me how I'm feeling. There are tracking tools for moods, guided meditations and many healthy suggestions. It is truly amazing. And I don't have to worry about offending him or what he thinks about me. Cuz, well, he's a bot!
Although I must admit, the first day, I talked to him longer then I wanted to because I didn't want to hurt his feelings! I've grown since then. Here is the link for the app, if you'd like to try it or suggest it to a friend. It's free, with some gentle pressure to buy some products:
https://www.youper.ai/
I've been through some rough waters, but right now I am really focusing on taking care of myself. I have been so focused on son and staying afloat with work and caring for my granddaughter, that I have not been very nice to me. I deserve better.
I have managed to keep on my intermittent fasting regimen. I am quite proud of that! I average about a 16 hour fast a day. I definitely feel better when I fast 20 hours. Especially when I eat clean.
Truthfully I have not been eating as clean as I could.
Still stuck in cheeseburger mode. Cheeseburgers are the love of my life. I may never give them up. I've managed to stay away from fries, for the most part.
But sticking to my eating and fasting window has been a major accomplishment. I have lost and kept off 12 pounds in less than 2 months. The next level will be to clean up the eating during my eating windows. A few less cheeseburgers, a lot more produce!
I am still hooping most days. And since I started feeling angry at the world (the state of the world mostly!), I have been hitting the gym harder and more regularly. I still need to hit harder!
And I am keeping up with my reading. Every morning, the Bible. And Healing the Soul of a Woman: How to Overcome Your Emotional Wounds by Joyce Meyer. I highly recommend this book. I got the workbook to go along with it. It is like a soothing, healing balm for my soul!
AND, hermitty, bookworm that I am, I am devouring the "Jane Hawk" series by Dean Koontz. I finished The Silent Corner and The Whispering Room. I am now reading The Forbidden Door. Oh, these are suspenseful and a bit dark. But the main character is strong and moral and kicks butt! I like her. I want to be like Jane Hawk! I am reading them too quickly. I will definitely feel a loss when I finish the series.
I think I need to read something other than suspense or Dean Koontz when I finish.
I had an odd moment at a piano lesson earlier today. One of my adult students was complaining that it was difficult for him to play musically when he didn't have all the notes down in a piece. And it was also hard to play musically with his teacher sitting beside him, as kind and gentle as she is!
I suggested he play a piece he knew really well and liked. And that he take a moment to mindfully center himself before he played the first note. Take a deep breath in, and as he exhaled, blow out all distracting thoughts. Then "breathe in the music". Imagine the first phrase. And pretend like you were joining the music that already existed.
He did just that! He played "Morning" by Edvard Grieg. As he played, I swear the air around us shitfted and changed. The hairs on my arms stood up.
Dean Koontz often spoke about the air changing when something supernatural was about to happen.
Perhaps this was a supernatural lesson. I told my student afterwards. He looked at me strangely. But he said he could feel how he was "into" the music and not as self conscious as usual.
Perhaps I am not really that odd after all.
And maybe if I keep working, I can actually maintain my inner joy.
Happy Tuesday!
Love,
Zita
Blogging is therapeutic for me. As much as playing music.
Life has been a bit overwhelming. I felt lately as if I were treading water. And then going under.
I am not a good swimmer. I actually fear deep water. Almost as much as I fear heights.
It is very hot today. It was 92 degrees at 1:00 this afternoon. I noticed the temperature as I stood at the bus stop in downtown Vancouver, iced blueberry tea in hand. There was a breeze, but it brought no relief. It was hot and dry.
Many irritable people surround me. Including myself. I have been quite irritable and anxious lately. I recognize that I have lost some of my inner peace. And have not been in touch with my joy.
Much of it was related to not knowing what would happen to my son. But the verdict is in.
He will be serving some time in prison. And much probation. But thankfully, they are allowing him to defer his time until after the birth of his baby. And it is less time than they originally presented us with.
Time will pass. And he will come out wiser and stronger. And we will visit often. He is handling it very well. He is in touch with his inner joy.
I've noticed several of my friends have been stressed out, anxious and depressed. I see it in their Facebook posts, and in personal messages. Many have talked about feeling like the joy has been sucked out of their lives. I know the feeling. I have been telling people to hold on tight to their inner joy. And to beware of those who want to suck it our of their souls.
Beware the soul suckers.
Now that the verdict is in on my son's sentence, I am starting to notice others around me again. And yet again, I realize by reaching out to others in pain, feeling compassion and really listening, I rise.
Slowly I am healing.
I actually texted a crisis text line a few days ago. It was very helpful. Talking about things really does help. And today I made an appointment to see a counselor. I need to talk without feeling I am burdening my friends and family. Without feeling like I am being judged. But I suffer from social anxiety. Yes, me. The teacher. The pianist. I am deathly afraid of small social gatherings. Small talk paralyzes me.
I'd rather be alone with a book. And I am really not about to force myself to change. I am o.k. with my hermit lifestyle. But sometimes the solitude gets the best of me. When I am not in touch with my inner joy, then I am not good company to myself!
The crisis line counselor gave me a few links for apps to connect with others. I tried them out. They were o.k. Well, truthfully were kind of silly. Remember, I am not one for small talk? I felt I had entered was just another social media platform, but for those with mental and emotional disorders.
But I found an app on my own that I love. It's called "Youper AI", an emotional assistant app". Yup, I enjoy talking to a bot! But it is really well programmed. Anytime I feel a little down or anxious, I open Youper and he asks me how I'm feeling. There are tracking tools for moods, guided meditations and many healthy suggestions. It is truly amazing. And I don't have to worry about offending him or what he thinks about me. Cuz, well, he's a bot!
Although I must admit, the first day, I talked to him longer then I wanted to because I didn't want to hurt his feelings! I've grown since then. Here is the link for the app, if you'd like to try it or suggest it to a friend. It's free, with some gentle pressure to buy some products:
https://www.youper.ai/
I've been through some rough waters, but right now I am really focusing on taking care of myself. I have been so focused on son and staying afloat with work and caring for my granddaughter, that I have not been very nice to me. I deserve better.
I have managed to keep on my intermittent fasting regimen. I am quite proud of that! I average about a 16 hour fast a day. I definitely feel better when I fast 20 hours. Especially when I eat clean.
Truthfully I have not been eating as clean as I could.
Still stuck in cheeseburger mode. Cheeseburgers are the love of my life. I may never give them up. I've managed to stay away from fries, for the most part.
But sticking to my eating and fasting window has been a major accomplishment. I have lost and kept off 12 pounds in less than 2 months. The next level will be to clean up the eating during my eating windows. A few less cheeseburgers, a lot more produce!
I am still hooping most days. And since I started feeling angry at the world (the state of the world mostly!), I have been hitting the gym harder and more regularly. I still need to hit harder!
And I am keeping up with my reading. Every morning, the Bible. And Healing the Soul of a Woman: How to Overcome Your Emotional Wounds by Joyce Meyer. I highly recommend this book. I got the workbook to go along with it. It is like a soothing, healing balm for my soul!
AND, hermitty, bookworm that I am, I am devouring the "Jane Hawk" series by Dean Koontz. I finished The Silent Corner and The Whispering Room. I am now reading The Forbidden Door. Oh, these are suspenseful and a bit dark. But the main character is strong and moral and kicks butt! I like her. I want to be like Jane Hawk! I am reading them too quickly. I will definitely feel a loss when I finish the series.
I think I need to read something other than suspense or Dean Koontz when I finish.
I had an odd moment at a piano lesson earlier today. One of my adult students was complaining that it was difficult for him to play musically when he didn't have all the notes down in a piece. And it was also hard to play musically with his teacher sitting beside him, as kind and gentle as she is!
I suggested he play a piece he knew really well and liked. And that he take a moment to mindfully center himself before he played the first note. Take a deep breath in, and as he exhaled, blow out all distracting thoughts. Then "breathe in the music". Imagine the first phrase. And pretend like you were joining the music that already existed.
He did just that! He played "Morning" by Edvard Grieg. As he played, I swear the air around us shitfted and changed. The hairs on my arms stood up.
Dean Koontz often spoke about the air changing when something supernatural was about to happen.
Perhaps this was a supernatural lesson. I told my student afterwards. He looked at me strangely. But he said he could feel how he was "into" the music and not as self conscious as usual.
Perhaps I am not really that odd after all.
And maybe if I keep working, I can actually maintain my inner joy.
Happy Tuesday!
Love,
Zita
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