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Year Four, Day 161: A Desire to Serve. Music Heals

Day 24 Intermittent Fasting
Day 20 Keto Diet.
101 days of hooping almost daily (with a few days off here and there on my really bad days!)

I feel good!

July 4th was one of my really bad days. Today is my one really good day a month! Maybe it's more than one a month. Good thing I'm blogging regularly. Perhaps I should go back and check my records?


What was so bad about July 4th?  Oy, I'd rather not relive it. Nothing really bad happened, but I felt horrible all day. Like I had a demon. Maybe I did.  

But it's gone now. I've learned a new trick.  When I feel like I am on the verge of a panic attack, or am attacked by my demon in any way, negative thoughts, anxiety, worry, self doubt...I take a deep breath and look for a tree to gaze upon.  Then I pray. It gives me instant energy and peace.  It doesn't always last, but it is a tool nonetheless.

July 4th I spent a good part of the day with Honey Dog.  She was freaked out by the fireworks.  I comforted her. She comforted me with her presence.

I cried a lot.  I watched the "Salute to America" program.  I actually enjoyed the homage paid to our military. I had been wary of it from reading articles earlier. I still felt uncomfortable with us celebrating our nations birth with a military parade. Trump was surprisingly subdued. His speech felt highly scripted. But the music inspired me. And when the Blue Angels soared over the Lincoln Memorial, I burst into fresh tears. Music is moving.  Hitler used the music of Wagner to fire up his troops.

I want to feel proud of our country.  Without feeling supremity over the other countries of the world.  I don't hate our president. But I didn't vote for him. I am challenging myself to pray for him. To soften his heart, especially regarding the migrant children. No matter how they got here, they deserve to be treated with dignity and compassion. We are all God's children. 

I am praying for the migrant children in detention centers on our border.  Somehow I wish to help.  I was wondering today if some of the emotions coming up were buried in fat. As I burn the fat, the emotions are released.

As I get healthier and stronger, the desire to serve keeps coming up.  My heart goes out to the migrant children and to the homeless.

Somehow, somewhere I will find a way to be of service.

In the meantime, I am still working on myself.  I am a living experiment! I had a good day teaching, and a wonderful piano practice session.  When I can really practice, I forget about words.  Words can be hurtful. Music heals.


Happy Saturday!

Love,

Zita










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