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Year Four, Day 166: Amen!



I feel a little tired and achy today.  I am going to make sure I drink a big glass of water before I leave my blogging station here at the library.

I am finding it interesting to notice that I am not feeling as compulsive around food as I have been in the past.  I am sticking to my intermittent fasting way of eating.  Not doing keto anymore - I was overdoing the animal fat, cheese and dairy. 

I have been reading the comments of other IF's on some of my secret groups on Facebook. They agree with me. But most say that keto is a good way to detox from sugar and carbs.

I do agree. I am staying away from added sugar and processed carbs. I'm also reducing meat and dairy.  And allowing some fruit back into my life. 

I am here at the library, my home away from home.  I had a big revelation as I perused the new book shelf. I am no longer interested in reading cookbooks!

This is huge!

I have been reading cookbooks obsessively since my kids were babies.  In fact, my guiltiest please was reading recipes while eating! 

Wow. That is really freeing to admit that. I think I was a serious food addict. I probably still am. Just like an alcoholic, drug addict, or any addict, I need to be conscious about my relationship with food for the rest of my life.

I've had some emotional days in the past few weeks where I wanted nothing more than to grab a bag of chips, clam dip, a chocolate bar and a magazine and hide away in my room, eating and reading until the pain subsided.

But I rose above! Because my window was closed! 

Being accountable to you, my reader has helped enormously. Yes, I could have binged, but I couldn't have blogged with a clear conscious the next day.

Thank you!

A whole new me is emerging.  And I have much more time on my hands now that I am not preoccupied with reading about food, eating food, cooking food and planning my next meal!

Yes, I'm still eating. But just during my window.

Today my window was 8:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. (I created a longer window for the weekend).  I had to eat early because my teaching day started at 10:00 a.m.

I had packed a healthy meal. But when I sat down to eat it, I didn't really feel like eating.  I did because I knew I would be famished at work, with no time to eat.  But it was odd.

I had an early lunch, and decided to close my window early. At 1:45 p.m. It is now 5:05 p.m. I am just starting to feel hunger pangs. But I am not afraid of them anymore. I will just drink oodles of water and herbal tea until bed.  I am starting to look forward to the feeling of am empty, growling stomach - it beats the alternative, a full, bloated belly!

My biggest fear right now is that I will fail.  I have failed so many times.  And reverted to emotional eating. 

But just like an addict in a 12-step program I am trying to take it one day at a time. Perhaps I should take it one moment at a time. And in this moment I am o.k. 

And when I reach my goal weight, I hope to continue this eating plan. Maybe open the window a bit more, but continue eating healthy whole foods.  The snacking and emotional eating did not do me any good.  Maybe it felt good at the moment, but left me feeling angry and disappointed at myself later.  I would try to cover it with justifications like "I deserved it, I was feeling low". Or "It doesn't matter, I am just meant to be heavy."

Nope. I'm going to replace those self deprecating thoughts right now:

  • "I deserve to feel healthy".
  • "I deserve to be fit".
  • "I deserve to live the rest of my life feeling comfortable in my own body"! 
AMEN!







Happy Saturday!

Talk to  you tomorrow!

Love,

Zita



P.S. I just read this very appropriate quote:

"One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes...And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt


 P.P.S. Here is today's Qi Gong/Hooping Video. Day 107!



 


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