Skip to main content

Year Two, Day 138: Contestant Number One


Well I am feeling rather empowered!

I am so glad I did not sink into despair, doom and gloom with the R incident yesterday!

I ended up going to the gym and having a good sweaty workout. I worked that man right out of my system!

He sent me about 10 messages, but I chose to ignore them until I could feel calm and respond rationally.

Then I went out for a lovely dinner of pho with my son.

Finally I opened the messages from R. They were his normal chatty messages. But he did sound concerned not to hear from me. He also sent pictures of his grandkids. I felt a pang of remorse.

Just a little pang.

I realized he did not know that I had been hurt. And I intend to keep it that way. But back way out of this pending whatever it is.

I would not mind keeping him as a friend and training partner. But romance be gone! And continuous stream of consciousness texting needs to decrease.

As fate would have it, one of the men who responded to my personal ad wanted to go out for a drink.

This, I will have you know was the first person I agreed to meet.

I had hundreds of responses. I believe I was very clear in my ad. I was reemerging on the scene after a long absence due to raising children alone, finding myself spiritually and emotionally and shedding weight (physically and emotionally).

I wanted to just put my toes in the waters of the dating pool. Mostly meet a friend or two to talk to.

Man, did I have to wade through some thick, murky water to find a few men I felt comfortable talking to!

I felt a pang of guilt every time I hit that delete button. But I want to be true to myself and fair to everyone I meet.  But wow!

I wore the outfit I was going to wear to the movies with R. (Take that, you dirty rat! lol). My son and his girlfriend coached me.  My son took the above picture of me and posted it on Facebook.

He said "Date night for mom. Get em girl!"

Gotta love these young adults. :)

Anyway, I met contestant number 1 today. A very sweet man about my age. We met at a McMenamins Pub. I ordered a glass of "the darkest red wine they had". He drank water.

He looked at me skeptically at first. Eyes wide behind his spectacles. But after some conversation, we shared a few laughs.  After about an hour, I was giggling uncontrollably. So was he. Little did he know that I kept thinking that he resembled an African-American Forrest Gump! (Who I love, by the way!).

But this man wisely took my hand in his and gave me some advice. He told me to meet 2 or 3 men and follow my heart.

He told me he was looking for something permanent.

We both knew we were not the perfect match, but it was very pleasant.

Sadly, he did not pay for my wine.

Perhaps I am time traveling from the 80s and 90s. When the man asked the woman out and paid?

Perhaps I missed the era where woman paid their own way?  I guess it is only fair.

But I am going to have to get another job if this keeps up!

Anyway, I saw a grandmother of my student at the pub before contestant number one arrived. I told her I was on a blind date. She kindly gave me her number in case I needed backup.

I did not.

I think I might even be ready for contestant number two!

Happy Saturday!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Year Four, Day 328: Success at Last!! This is What I Do

Hello My Long Lost Friends! Or, perhaps it was I who was lost? And now I think I am beginning to find myself!  Under layers of fat, and self loathing!  How's that for an opening line!  Or perhaps the title of a novel:  Layers of Fat and Self-Loathing! Today I stepped on the scale.  I am weighing myself every morning these days. I was shocked! I told my partner the scale must be broken!  Yesterday I weight 186. Today 185! I have been on a strict intermittent fast for the past 10 weeks. I have officially lost 12 pounds!  And the best news is I think I not only can stick to this way of eating, I am actually beginning to really enjoy it!  And look how far I've come! I've been writing since May 12, 2015.  Over 8 years now!  I know this blog post says Year Four, Day 328, but there have been many pauses in blogging. For instance, when I am not pleased with progress or simply have no words! I was 53 when I first began blogging. I am now 61. I honestly feel better than I did 8 years

Year Four, Day 335: "Crisis Fatigue"

Hello Friends! I have missed you! I have been so utterly exhausted and downright depressed, that I couldn't summon enough energy to even lift my fingers to this computer keyboard to write.  Apparently there is a mental disorder for people going through crises.  Crises such as pandemics, systemic racism, political division, unemployment, police brutality, civil unrest.... It's called "crisis fatigue". When humans are presented with a threat, adrenaline is released to give us quick energy. This is called the "fight or flight syndrome". But when threats are overwhelming, and perceivably continuous, like this year, it overwhelms the system. People can feel numb, depressed, anxious and irritable. Yup. That's me.  I guess I'm quite normal after all! I found an interesting article that describes crisis fatigue, especially in relation to current events.  But it doesn't really address how to take care of ourselves during these unsettling times!

Year Four, Day 247: What Happened in Vegas...

  Expectations can be brutal. Especially when reality dashes them against the rocky shores of our souls. How's that for an opening line? I was so excited about my recent trip to Las Vegas.  I haven't travelled anywhere in so long. I do believe I have been bit by the travel bug.  I want the freedom to go places I have never been, see things I have never seen and experience life as a stellar adventure! My kids are young adults with families of their own.  I have my role as Zma, as Teacher Zita. But I am on a quest to find Zita. She's hidden someone deep inside. Covered in layers. Like an onion. I like the onion analogy. Notice the outermost layer of an onion - dry  and papery. As you peel off layers, the inside is juicy and sweet. I have paid my dues of sacrifice, shame and self deprivation.  What I want now is to embrace the life I have remaining. Have you seen the life pie chart? I don't know where I read this, but it stuck with me.  Draw a circle.  And then divide it i