Year Two, Day 73: I Wish I Were a Turtle

I had a dark night last night.

Instead of getting out of bed, I just wanted to pull the covers over my head this morning.

How I long to be a turtle. To have a hard shell protecting you from the outside world, and a safe place to retreat when things look dangerous.

I have been following the Republican National Convention.  I have been listening to talk radio. I was getting lured into all the hype and drama.

My heart was racing. My head pounding. I felt sick to my stomach.  But I was not bored! I was engaged.   I felt like I was on a rollercoaster. It was like a drug.

And I am ready to stop.  Perhaps this morning was the beginning of withdrawal symptoms.

I have had enough.  Stop the ride. I am getting off. I have a real life here that I seem to be ignoring.

As difficult as it is, I am turning off the television and the radio.  I am doing one quick check in on Facebook to check on family and friends.

Then I am going back to the business of living my life.

I am registered as a Democrat, but not sure that is where I stand anymore.  I seem to be leaning a bit more right lately. On some issues.

But I resent being pulled into the hate speech. The more people have slammed Trump and spewed hate, the more I have softened toward him. I have always cheered the underdog. But in my heart I know this is not the way to choose a candidate.

Both the left and right say the other candidate is the worst ever for our country. But what country do they speak of? Will any of this really effect the life of my loved ones and I?

We are the working poor.  Emphasis on working. I have never lived off of welfare, even as a single mother with very little child support. Not sure it that was pride or stupidity. But we survived.  I believe everyone should contribute to society. Is that a right wing or left wing notion?

All I know is that as I open up my email box this morning and delete all the pleas for contributions to help fund campaigns of the elite, I am less focused on politics, than on trying to decide if I should walk to the store with my granny grocery cart, cough up $2.50 for a bus ticket, or ride my bike.

I am almost 55. I am tired. My bones hurt. My heart hurts. I have a family. I have piano students.

As much as I would like to get involved in the political mania that is sweeping this country, I am finding I need to back out and take care of myself and the people I love.

While we watch the media glamorize politicians spewing hateful words at each other, the police in our city are preparing to clear the Springwater Trail in my neighborhood of over 500 homeless people who have been camping there for months.

I no longer walk the trail every morning like I did last year.  I feel vulnerable. There are people living on the trail, garbage piled up. There have been fights and there have been fires.

My compassion is with these people, trying to survive, but to destroy our beautiful trail?

I do not know where they will go.  Do the homeless care about this presidential election?  Will they even vote?

The above photos are mine, taken a few weeks ago.  Go to this article to read about the clean up and see how much worse it is now:

http://www.kgw.com/news/report-mayor-to-halt-homeless-camping-on-springwater-trail/274324333

How I wish we lived in a world where every life mattered.  We are not there yet, obviously.

I want to be involved in the world. I want to care. I want to help bring about change.  But right now I am going to walk to the grocery store with my granny cart and buy some groceries. Then I am going to walk home and make a gluten free apple crisp in my crockpot.

Then I am going to ride my bike to work and teach children how to play the piano.

And I am not going to say hateful things about anyone.

Maybe that will be my contribution today.

Happy Thursday