Man, do I ever need to get back to daily blogging. My life has been so disrupted lately.
As I am hearing from many other people.
Yesterday, I was saying goodbye to one of my newer little piano students. She is 7 and absolutely EXHUBERANT about learning to play the piano, especially note reading. This little girl makes my heart sing.
Her mom and I had a touching conversation as I headed out to choir practice. You see, exactly a week before was election day. As we parted last week, she expressed some apprehension about the results that evening. As a gay woman with a partner and a child, she had fears about a Trump presidency. I listened with compassion and filed it away in my mind.
I have said I do not fear a Trump presidency. I told my friends in the carpool to choir that evening that I fear more the violent protests that were sure to emerge regardless of which candidate one.
Last night, this mother pulled me aside at the door. She told me about Pence. That in the state of Indiana there were laws on the book that allowed people not to serve homosexuals. That he tried to pass laws to outlaw homosexuality.
I was horrified. She and her daughter have dual citizenship and will leave if things get worse. I hugged her and told her that one good thing I have noticed in my little world is that many of us are being kinder to each other. Smiling, holding doors open, saying hello to strangers....
Perhaps our society is like a big pimple ready to pop. And once all the yucky stuff comes out, we can begin to heal.
She looked at me and said, "And you are helping us heal by teaching music".
I left her home with tears welling up, but a warm sensation in my heart.
Hearing these stories from a person I care about who happens to be from this marginalized group does give me pause. I pray that our country moves forward to protect the rights of all citizens. And I thank God for insight into peoples lives rather than seeing people for the groups they belong to.
I experienced a bit of prejudice yesterday. It stings. But it is so small compared to what people who experience prejudice due to race, religion or sexual orientation.
I was a little bummed out by it and spent time licking my wounds. As I write the blog today, I see where the lesson is. And again, I see that I need to blog daily to keep my head on straight and my heart on the path of love and justice.
I met another man from "Plenty of Fish", a dating app I have on my phone. It is what I refer to when I say I always have a "man in my pocket". LOL. But truly, if I am ever lonely, I just open up the app, POF for short.
I had highlighted a gentleman who appealed to me. At least physically. My age. Sparkly eyes. Nice smile. Owns a restaurant. I will call him "K".
We started chatting. He seemed friendly. And positive. Was not inappropriate. I began to think: "Perhaps this one I should meet. I think my daughter might even approve"!
Then he asked me to talk on the phone. And I should have honored my gut. Because I instantly felt negativity from him. His first question, came out quite whiny: "So, what church do you go to?" I told him a bit about my church. But I could feel his disapproval. (Have I mentioned that I am super sensitive? LOL. Perhaps it is also intuitive, and I need to start seeing this as a plus!)
Then he told me he just does not know anyone in his circle of friends that "does the church thing". Except for some really old people. He lives in a small town, by the way.
I was a tad offended. But I decided not to explain or justify. I did not like where this conversation was going.
Then he jumped to his next question: "You do not drive? Why? You do not know how?"
Again, with a whiny almost demanding, and judgmental or insinuating tone of voice. Oy.
I stopped him right there and told him I was not into playing twenty questions. They made me feel defensive. Could we just talk and get to know each other?
We proceeded to have a short debate about how he had the right to ask because he did not feel he wanted to drive all the way to Portland for our "relationship".
Arggh....So I told him I just liked his sparkly eyes. I had not thought even as far as the next day, even less a relationship!
I told him I chose to take public transportation. It was convenient here in Portland... I was feeling my blood pressure rise.
Then I took a deep breath and said, "Ok. I am going to be mature and suggest you look around at the other women on this site. I want to be fair and not waste your time. Probably not a good sign that we argue before we have even met!"
He reluctantly agreed and we said goodbye.
I sat there feeling ruffled. Perhaps I over reacted. My back pain. The elections. My insecurity.
So I texted him that I may have over reacted, but honestly it was a little arrogant for him to require a woman to have a car to drive all the way to meet him (About 45 minutes). Perhaps if there were no good women to be found in his town he should move to Portland!
At which point he texted me back and said he liked my voice even when I got a bit angry and he really wanted to meet me.
That stopped me cold. And I kind of liked it. I liked that we got everything out in the open and he respected my boundaries.
So we met. Yesterday.
Here I am waiting for him at McMenamin's 205 Pub.
I was nervous. I think you can see it in my eyes.
I texted him that I was there saving a table. I got a text back saying:
"Who are you and HOW did you get this number!"
At first that startled me. I worried that I was being set up. But then I figured it was his sense of humor. Should have left just then!
He arrived and the hostess immediately jumped on him with a big hug, saying "K"!
He took awhile to come to our table. I smiled and said, "You are famous"
He did not respond. In fact I immediately picked up on some super awkward energy. Like avoiding eye contact. Apologizing and taking a few texts. We never really had our hello. I wondered if I had a big wart on my nose. Perhaps parsley stuck between my teeth?
I was drinking tea. He ordered coffee. Then he said he preferred good Mexican food. He recommended a place I had been wanting to try:
"Tortilleria Y Tienda De Leon" on 162nd and Glisan. (HFKAR and I had talked about going there.)
He said he would drive us and make sure I got to my first student on time. I agreed. Maybe he just did not like McMenamin's food? But first, I excused myself to the ladies room. I checked the mirror for warts and parsley teeth. I thought looked damn fine, if I do say so myself.
I did not sense danger getting into the car with this odd man. And I really wanted to try their food. They had gotten stellar reviews in the Willamette Week. Perhaps he was nervous too? And hungry?
I gave him much benefit of doubt. Should have listened to my gut!
K owns a Mexican restaurant by the way. He is not Hispanic, he just loves Mexican food. So do I! Finally common ground!
And he has a beautiful dog that I met in his truck.
And the food was amazing!
But the awkwardness did not subside. Got a little worse. Long silences. Did not appear to be interested in me one bit. So I figured we could just talk about him. He had offered to pay for lunch. I would be his interested dining companion.
He did not even seem to enjoy talking about himself much. Little pieces here and there.
I honestly wanted to eat my food and walk out.
But I was polite. I had him drive me to Mall 205. I told him I was too early for my student and wanted a cup of coffee. I lied. As soon as he dropped me off, I ducked out and starting walking. I got stuck in a downpour.
One comment that kept resonating in my head was on the drive to the restaurant. He asked about my living situation. I told him I rented a room from my daughter and her husband. That it was a nice temporary situation.
He looked at me like I was from outer space. "Did you sell your house?"
I almost laughed.
I looked at him and said.
"K, I am the working poor. I raised two children on my own. I have always rented. Never iwned a home. Was never on welfare, but received very littlr child support. I enjoy helping my adult children out. I cook and wash dishes for them in exchange for very low rent.
I have no car. I take public transportation because it is easy and cheap. Someday I hope to buy a camper van and travel across the US. I am sure you think that is weird. But I am excited about it."
Long story, short. I believe I was the victim of low income profiling. White trash must have been the label that flashed in his mind.
Our conversation deteriorated from there.
When he dropped me off, I finally smiled again. I would be free from this man and his judgmental smirk! I grabbed his hand and thanked him for lunch.
And then I kissed his dog.
I practically skipped into the mall.
And when I walked a mile in the wind and the rain I cried. At first. And then I sang.
And when I got home, I update my POF profile. I put God and family as my first interest (above weightlifting, hiking, yummy food and music). I also wrote: "I want to be candid. I prefer to date men who believe in God and respect my faith. You do not need to be "religious" or attend a church. Just have respect. And I will have the same for you."
I am going to be ok..
Happy Wednesday!
As I am hearing from many other people.
Yesterday, I was saying goodbye to one of my newer little piano students. She is 7 and absolutely EXHUBERANT about learning to play the piano, especially note reading. This little girl makes my heart sing.
Her mom and I had a touching conversation as I headed out to choir practice. You see, exactly a week before was election day. As we parted last week, she expressed some apprehension about the results that evening. As a gay woman with a partner and a child, she had fears about a Trump presidency. I listened with compassion and filed it away in my mind.
I have said I do not fear a Trump presidency. I told my friends in the carpool to choir that evening that I fear more the violent protests that were sure to emerge regardless of which candidate one.
Last night, this mother pulled me aside at the door. She told me about Pence. That in the state of Indiana there were laws on the book that allowed people not to serve homosexuals. That he tried to pass laws to outlaw homosexuality.
I was horrified. She and her daughter have dual citizenship and will leave if things get worse. I hugged her and told her that one good thing I have noticed in my little world is that many of us are being kinder to each other. Smiling, holding doors open, saying hello to strangers....
Perhaps our society is like a big pimple ready to pop. And once all the yucky stuff comes out, we can begin to heal.
She looked at me and said, "And you are helping us heal by teaching music".
I left her home with tears welling up, but a warm sensation in my heart.
Hearing these stories from a person I care about who happens to be from this marginalized group does give me pause. I pray that our country moves forward to protect the rights of all citizens. And I thank God for insight into peoples lives rather than seeing people for the groups they belong to.
I experienced a bit of prejudice yesterday. It stings. But it is so small compared to what people who experience prejudice due to race, religion or sexual orientation.
I was a little bummed out by it and spent time licking my wounds. As I write the blog today, I see where the lesson is. And again, I see that I need to blog daily to keep my head on straight and my heart on the path of love and justice.
I met another man from "Plenty of Fish", a dating app I have on my phone. It is what I refer to when I say I always have a "man in my pocket". LOL. But truly, if I am ever lonely, I just open up the app, POF for short.
I had highlighted a gentleman who appealed to me. At least physically. My age. Sparkly eyes. Nice smile. Owns a restaurant. I will call him "K".
We started chatting. He seemed friendly. And positive. Was not inappropriate. I began to think: "Perhaps this one I should meet. I think my daughter might even approve"!
Then he asked me to talk on the phone. And I should have honored my gut. Because I instantly felt negativity from him. His first question, came out quite whiny: "So, what church do you go to?" I told him a bit about my church. But I could feel his disapproval. (Have I mentioned that I am super sensitive? LOL. Perhaps it is also intuitive, and I need to start seeing this as a plus!)
Then he told me he just does not know anyone in his circle of friends that "does the church thing". Except for some really old people. He lives in a small town, by the way.
I was a tad offended. But I decided not to explain or justify. I did not like where this conversation was going.
Then he jumped to his next question: "You do not drive? Why? You do not know how?"
Again, with a whiny almost demanding, and judgmental or insinuating tone of voice. Oy.
I stopped him right there and told him I was not into playing twenty questions. They made me feel defensive. Could we just talk and get to know each other?
We proceeded to have a short debate about how he had the right to ask because he did not feel he wanted to drive all the way to Portland for our "relationship".
Arggh....So I told him I just liked his sparkly eyes. I had not thought even as far as the next day, even less a relationship!
I told him I chose to take public transportation. It was convenient here in Portland... I was feeling my blood pressure rise.
Then I took a deep breath and said, "Ok. I am going to be mature and suggest you look around at the other women on this site. I want to be fair and not waste your time. Probably not a good sign that we argue before we have even met!"
He reluctantly agreed and we said goodbye.
I sat there feeling ruffled. Perhaps I over reacted. My back pain. The elections. My insecurity.
So I texted him that I may have over reacted, but honestly it was a little arrogant for him to require a woman to have a car to drive all the way to meet him (About 45 minutes). Perhaps if there were no good women to be found in his town he should move to Portland!
At which point he texted me back and said he liked my voice even when I got a bit angry and he really wanted to meet me.
That stopped me cold. And I kind of liked it. I liked that we got everything out in the open and he respected my boundaries.
So we met. Yesterday.
Here I am waiting for him at McMenamin's 205 Pub.
I was nervous. I think you can see it in my eyes.
I texted him that I was there saving a table. I got a text back saying:
"Who are you and HOW did you get this number!"
At first that startled me. I worried that I was being set up. But then I figured it was his sense of humor. Should have left just then!
He arrived and the hostess immediately jumped on him with a big hug, saying "K"!
He took awhile to come to our table. I smiled and said, "You are famous"
He did not respond. In fact I immediately picked up on some super awkward energy. Like avoiding eye contact. Apologizing and taking a few texts. We never really had our hello. I wondered if I had a big wart on my nose. Perhaps parsley stuck between my teeth?
I was drinking tea. He ordered coffee. Then he said he preferred good Mexican food. He recommended a place I had been wanting to try:
"Tortilleria Y Tienda De Leon" on 162nd and Glisan. (HFKAR and I had talked about going there.)
He said he would drive us and make sure I got to my first student on time. I agreed. Maybe he just did not like McMenamin's food? But first, I excused myself to the ladies room. I checked the mirror for warts and parsley teeth. I thought looked damn fine, if I do say so myself.
I did not sense danger getting into the car with this odd man. And I really wanted to try their food. They had gotten stellar reviews in the Willamette Week. Perhaps he was nervous too? And hungry?
I gave him much benefit of doubt. Should have listened to my gut!
K owns a Mexican restaurant by the way. He is not Hispanic, he just loves Mexican food. So do I! Finally common ground!
And he has a beautiful dog that I met in his truck.
And the food was amazing!
 |
| Chile rellenos and pork tamale at Tortilleria Y Tienda De Leon |
But the awkwardness did not subside. Got a little worse. Long silences. Did not appear to be interested in me one bit. So I figured we could just talk about him. He had offered to pay for lunch. I would be his interested dining companion.
He did not even seem to enjoy talking about himself much. Little pieces here and there.
I honestly wanted to eat my food and walk out.
But I was polite. I had him drive me to Mall 205. I told him I was too early for my student and wanted a cup of coffee. I lied. As soon as he dropped me off, I ducked out and starting walking. I got stuck in a downpour.
One comment that kept resonating in my head was on the drive to the restaurant. He asked about my living situation. I told him I rented a room from my daughter and her husband. That it was a nice temporary situation.
He looked at me like I was from outer space. "Did you sell your house?"
I almost laughed.
I looked at him and said.
"K, I am the working poor. I raised two children on my own. I have always rented. Never iwned a home. Was never on welfare, but received very littlr child support. I enjoy helping my adult children out. I cook and wash dishes for them in exchange for very low rent.
I have no car. I take public transportation because it is easy and cheap. Someday I hope to buy a camper van and travel across the US. I am sure you think that is weird. But I am excited about it."
Long story, short. I believe I was the victim of low income profiling. White trash must have been the label that flashed in his mind.
Our conversation deteriorated from there.
When he dropped me off, I finally smiled again. I would be free from this man and his judgmental smirk! I grabbed his hand and thanked him for lunch.
And then I kissed his dog.
I practically skipped into the mall.
And when I walked a mile in the wind and the rain I cried. At first. And then I sang.
And when I got home, I update my POF profile. I put God and family as my first interest (above weightlifting, hiking, yummy food and music). I also wrote: "I want to be candid. I prefer to date men who believe in God and respect my faith. You do not need to be "religious" or attend a church. Just have respect. And I will have the same for you."
I am going to be ok..
Happy Wednesday!
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