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Year Four, Day 191: To Be!


I am happy. I don't recall saying that too often in my life!

But I had a wonderful first session with my counselor.

After we filled out the expected pile of paperwork, he sat back in his chair and asked me what I would like to talk about.

I was prepared. I actually had a mini panic attack before our session.  Something to do with "What if my counselor hates me"? Or something irrational like that. I did some breathing and walking and talked myself out of that mindset, thankfully!

I told him that I have been in counseling before. Where we have explored my past, painful emotions and events. Much tears.  Some medication.

I'm sure it had it's place. But I no longer wanted to dwell in the past. I would like to focus on positive ways to bring more joy in my life and have more meaningful relationships with family and friends.

And learn how to take constructive criticism.

Oh yeah, and learn how to survive meetings.

He asked me about the meeting thing. He took a few notes and then mentioned a possible rebellious nature.

Yup, that's me!

 He also talked about his "humanistic approach" and "existentialism".

 Of course, I am here at the library. I googled "humanistic counseling" and this is what I found about humanistic counseling:

 Humanistic therapy is talk therapy that encompasses a gestalt approach, exploring how a person feels in the here and now, rather than trying to identify past events that led to these feelings. Additionally, the humanistic therapist provides an atmosphere of support, empathy, and trust that allows the individual to share their feelings without fear of judgment. The therapist does not act as an authority figure; rather, the relationship between client and the therapist is one of equals."  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/humanistic-therapy

 And existential therapy: 

 "Existential therapy focuses on free will, self-determination, and the search for meaning—often centering on you rather than on the symptom. The approach emphasizes your capacity to make rational choices and to develop to your maximum potential.
The existential approach stresses that:
  • All people have the capacity for self-awareness.
  • Each person has a unique identity that can be known only through relationships with others.
  • People must continually re-create themselves because life’s meaning constantly changes.
  • Anxiety is part of the human condition."

I really resonate with both of these theories.  Especially existential therapy.  I never really understood existentialism. I always thought of Hamlet's "To be, or not to be..." soliloquy. I looked up existentialism.  That will take more study!  

But existential therapy, I like it! 

I am happy!  To be understood. To be accepted.  To be listened to.  To be! To be! To be to be to be! Sounds almost like doobie doobie doo!

No I have not been drinking. I feel happy.  It is intoxicating! Much preferable over it's dismal opposite, depression.  

There was an episode of "Parts Unknown" that stopped me in my tracks.  I actually wept for Anthony Bourdain as he was in Buenos Aires, where it is said that people accept that most everyone benefits from therapy.  Anthony went to a therapy session. He said he felt "isolated and had trouble connecting to others."  Not only did I weep for this man, so beloved by so many that resorted to ending his life, but I wept because I have thought the same thoughts.  Don't worry. I have no such thoughts.  

In the Buenos Aires episode, Anthony agrees to a live, filmed therapy session. It hurt me to hear him say:

“I’d like to be happy. I’d like to be happier...I should be happy. I have incredible luck. I’d like to be able to look out the window and say, ‘Yay, life is good.’ When the therapist asked whether Bourdain ever feels that way, he replied without hesitation, “No.”


I intend to never allow myself to get so low. I intend to hang on to my joy and leave this life kicking and screaming!
And I think with the help of my new therapist, I will!
To be....continued!

Happy Tuesday!
Love,

Zita Evelyn, Proud Library Card Holder! (I know, I'm a geek. I changed my FB profile picture and added a frame. Now the library is closing in 5 minutes. I don't have time to upload a frameless picture. So, there you have it!)




p.s. Here is today's hooping video. Day 141!


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