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Year Four, Day 200: I've Had It!

I am fed up! I've had it up to HERE with negativity. I am fed up! Fed up with feeling sorry for myself and wasting my life! If I could, I would fire my pathetic self and hire a new me!

A tougher, stronger, more resilient, more positive me!

One that says "Bite me!" to depression, fear and anxiety. The me who us going to choose lifting weights, running, hard work and discipline over meds. The me who going to stop taking herself so dang seriously and have a beer and a good laugh once in awhile!

Obviously something clicked today.  After my counseling appointment. I wasn't expressing myself well to my therapist.  I felt like I was almost trying to convince him I was mentally ill.

He wasn't convinced.

I finally asked him if he thought I should take meds.

I told me no.

Honestly, I think I should have traded chairs with him today. He seemed like he was having a difficult day.  Patients lined up back to back, with hardly a break.  His patient before me seemed like she was having a serious breakdown.  They ran over time. He apologized profusely. But I told him not to worry, and to take as much time as he needed.

My heart exploded with compassion for him.

And I actually feel stronger. I went for iced tea afterwards.  And I had a bit of a pity party. Then I went online and saw all the craziness and utter horror that is happening to others and I got mad.  Mostly at myself.

Then I got out my Kindle and returned all my stupid cookbooks (I  have Kindle Unlimited - I can read up to 10 books at a time) and replaced them with positive thinking books.

And I told myself I am going to rewrite my life now!  Focusing on the GOOD and tossing out the bad!

My therapist actually said I am an intellectual.  I have an intense, emotional personality. And I am functional. And I am fine the way I am. We can work on how I respond to certain things, and overthink. But no need for meds.

I was first a bit miffed. But you know what? He is right. He is a highly intelligent man himself. We spend the first half of our session discussing the characters in The Plague by Albert Camus (it was my therapist who recommended the book).

It was an interesting discussion. But I admitted that I needed to reread it. I read too fast. And there is a lot of profundity in that book. He nodded thoughtfully and told me, yes, I should reread it.

And I am going to write my own book soon. Maybe I will start tonight. I think I will write  more than one.

Tired of being Eeyore! Because for me, the plague is negative thinking!

On that note, I need to race off to a meeting.

I will POSITIVELY talk to you tomorrow!

Peace and Love and Joy!

Zita





ON a very bright note, today is Day 150 of daily hooping!







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