Skip to main content

Year Four, Day 250: That POOF Feeling, Again. And Finding My Musical Self, At Last



I am under the weather today. I have been for the past few days.  So very tired.  I actually skipped the gym the last two days and opted for an early bedtime.


I was thinking it was because I haven't been using my C-PAP much.  For awhile, my allergies were bothering me so much, that I could barely breathe through my nostrils. Not breathing through nostrils is not useful when using the C-PAP machine. I use "air pillows" which attach to my nostrils and discourage mouth breathing.

I have sleep apnea. I have been a mouth breather and snorer my whole life.  At its peak, when I was much heavier, I would nearly pass out in the afternoon .  I would have to pinch myself to stay awake teaching students.  I also fell asleep briefly at the wheel driving out to a church I was playing for in Hillsboro.  Luckily I came to as I was crossing traffic and didn't crash. That was the end of my driving. And the end of that church job. It was just too far for the bus and not worth death at the wheel.

I have been feeling that passing out feeling on and off for several weeks, but especially the last few days. So I cleaned my C-PAP machine really well yesterday and plugged myself in. I slept through the night for the first time in many moons! Usually I pop up at 2:00 a.m., use the bathroom, check the internet for signs of pandemic, mass shootings, etc. and then fall back asleep, only to wake up at 3:00 and 4:00 feeling wide awake, but then drift off again. Usually by my pre-arranged wake up time of about 6:30, I am groggy and grumpy and not wanting to get vertical.

Not so this morning. I popped right up!

So I think I have been oxygen deprived. But shortly after lunch today, I again got that POOF (passing out on floor) feeling.

I am going to work on a better sleep routine.

I just finished reading Louis Prima by Gary Boulard. Excellent book. I got a little  notebook and am filling it with names of jazz musicians to research as well as songs to add to my repertoire.

Louis Prima was going strong until his untimely death at age 68 due to complications from surgery to remove a brain tumor.  I am 58.  I don't expect to achieve fame and glory at this stage. But I am still wanting to find my musical self.

And it lies somewhere between classical, blues, jazz, gospel, country and rock.  I am determined to find it before my death. Which will be untimely. Death is always untimely!

In the meantime, I am still working on improving my health. Today is a moderate day on my monk diet. I am sticking to it and enjoying it. I find it interesting that I am craving more vegan foods, even on days when a bit of animal protein is allowed.

I need to exercise more as usual. But I think sleep is on my agenda now. At least until I get into a better routine.

I am visiting my son in prison tonight. I am looking forward to a rousing game of "Sequence" - our new favorite, even though he usually beats the pants off of me. 

Maybe increased oxygen to the brain will help. I am going to try to lay off of the caffeine, since it interferes with my sleep. But caffeine does help with brain fog, don'tcha know!

I wasn't able to hoop this morning. It was cold and pouring down rain.  But I did manage a short Qi Gong session while waiting for my Lyft ride.



I am working on my jazz scales and chords every day now. I am applying my theory of frequent practice, in small increments. Of course, I hope to get longer sessions in soon, but I tell my students to play everyday, even if it is for 5 minutes to establish a good routine. Also, the brain, it seems learns better with frequent sessions.  And repetition.

Yup.  If you have read much of my blog, you probably notice the repeating pattern.

I need to eat healthier, exercise more, work on a more positive attitude, pray more and keep learning. I read recently in a Chicken Soup for the Soul book to aim to do one thing that scares you every day.

That's easy for me. Most everything scares me, but I never give up!

On that note, I am off.

Happy Saturday!  Be safe! Wash your hands! Find your music! Keep smiling!

Love,

Zita


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Year Four, Day 328: Success at Last!! This is What I Do

Hello My Long Lost Friends! Or, perhaps it was I who was lost? And now I think I am beginning to find myself!  Under layers of fat, and self loathing!  How's that for an opening line!  Or perhaps the title of a novel:  Layers of Fat and Self-Loathing! Today I stepped on the scale.  I am weighing myself every morning these days. I was shocked! I told my partner the scale must be broken!  Yesterday I weight 186. Today 185! I have been on a strict intermittent fast for the past 10 weeks. I have officially lost 12 pounds!  And the best news is I think I not only can stick to this way of eating, I am actually beginning to really enjoy it!  And look how far I've come! I've been writing since May 12, 2015.  Over 8 years now!  I know this blog post says Year Four, Day 328, but there have been many pauses in blogging. For instance, when I am not pleased with progress or simply have no words! I was 53 when I first began blogging. I am now 61. I honestly feel better than I did 8 years

Year Four, Day 335: "Crisis Fatigue"

Hello Friends! I have missed you! I have been so utterly exhausted and downright depressed, that I couldn't summon enough energy to even lift my fingers to this computer keyboard to write.  Apparently there is a mental disorder for people going through crises.  Crises such as pandemics, systemic racism, political division, unemployment, police brutality, civil unrest.... It's called "crisis fatigue". When humans are presented with a threat, adrenaline is released to give us quick energy. This is called the "fight or flight syndrome". But when threats are overwhelming, and perceivably continuous, like this year, it overwhelms the system. People can feel numb, depressed, anxious and irritable. Yup. That's me.  I guess I'm quite normal after all! I found an interesting article that describes crisis fatigue, especially in relation to current events.  But it doesn't really address how to take care of ourselves during these unsettling times!

Year Four, Day 247: What Happened in Vegas...

  Expectations can be brutal. Especially when reality dashes them against the rocky shores of our souls. How's that for an opening line? I was so excited about my recent trip to Las Vegas.  I haven't travelled anywhere in so long. I do believe I have been bit by the travel bug.  I want the freedom to go places I have never been, see things I have never seen and experience life as a stellar adventure! My kids are young adults with families of their own.  I have my role as Zma, as Teacher Zita. But I am on a quest to find Zita. She's hidden someone deep inside. Covered in layers. Like an onion. I like the onion analogy. Notice the outermost layer of an onion - dry  and papery. As you peel off layers, the inside is juicy and sweet. I have paid my dues of sacrifice, shame and self deprivation.  What I want now is to embrace the life I have remaining. Have you seen the life pie chart? I don't know where I read this, but it stuck with me.  Draw a circle.  And then divide it i