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Year Four, Day 259: Other Uses for Vodka


Good Morning, Friends:

Another day of relatively good rest.  Perhaps since I gave up my nightly Vodka shot.

Ironically, I started taking shots nightly to help with my insomnia. It helped at first. But what I didn't expect was that it increased my desperate longing for my absent boyfriend with whom I am having a very intense relationship from afar.

He is now working in another state, where the time zone is 2 hours ahead of ours. Since I am not usually done with work and babysitting until after 9 p.m. and he has to wake up early, it makes night time phone calls difficult.

So when I get ready for bed and slam back a shot, I am secretly longing for night time conversation with the man. And when that does not happen, I go to bed disappointed.  

Something shifted for me recently. I was reading about the phases of attraction between a man and a woman. Ours is not a typical relationship. We were close friends about 24 years ago. We hadn't seen each other or had any contact for about 18 years!

So the feelings are deep.  But at this stage, we are missing the most important stage - attachment - literally physical touch, since we are apart. 

https://www.scienceofpeople.com/3-stages-of-love/

I think I was spending a lot of time longing for what I did not have.   But in reality, I have been lacking romantic love and physical touch for over 15 years, most of which were celibate. 

(Note: Sorry about the TMI. But if you read my blog regularly, you should come to expect this. My blog is a way of opening a window for you to peer into my world, while I vent and ponder and sort things out. I find blogging to be immensely therapeutic.  Not sure if it serves any other purpose, but if you are entertained that I am happy!)

Anyway, pining and longing and Vodka shots were only making me miserable.  So I started doing my life like I was doing before my man re-entered my life.  

I am focusing more on the present moment, especially being more physically engaged. I am an overthinker by nature and live too much in my head as it is. No good will come of me spending anymore time in there!

Everyday I feel a bit more grounded. I hope this relationship will survive. I would enjoy a future with my man. But I know the love will always be there,

The first 3 months have been a whirlwind. I think I am ready for the dust to settle. I fear that he will lose interest with my boring self, but it would be better to find that out now.

And I was only pushing him away by demanding him to give me attention late at night when he was tired from his very demanding and physical job.

I can wait. But I will not wait longingly. I will pursue the other passions in my life before the love of my life entered. I have been ignoring my piano for one.  I'm going to start scheduling regular piano practice times again. 

I am on a roll with my exercise, and I will continue that. My eating is fairly stable. I no longer binge eat popcorn late at night. Most days I stop eating between 2 and 3 p.m.

And now that I am not taking nightly Vodka shots, I have found another use for my bottle: cleaning, wound care and mouthwash!

http://www.myfamilysurvivalplan.com/20-uses-for-vodka-you-werent-aware-of/?fbclid=IwAR14t00XBGn0BrtDthNeEH3ZDTsN7rQoMRA11u8QGguzsNFSQ61eDCBwhoU 


Nostrovia!

Love and Peace to you all!


Talk to you tomorrow!


Zita




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