|"So do not fear, for I am with you;|
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." ~Isaiah 41:10
I set out for my run today. I find that my head is not on straight until I get in a good amount of exercise. And the trail I've been running on has become my home away from home. The air clears my head. And the familiarity is comforting. In addition, it is never really the same. Different people, different birds, different feelings and thoughts within my head.
Today my heart was heavy. I actually had the foresight to bring along my thumb rosary. I picked this up years ago at the Grotto. I had gone for a mini personal prayer retreat and to walk the labryinth. If you have never been to the Grotto, it is a serene place of beauty, perfect for introspection.
|The Grotto, Portland, Oregon (http://www.thegrotto.org/)|
But as I tried to enter into a prayerful mode, my heart felt hardened. Toxic even. I felt bitter. I tried praying for family and friends. But still this bitterness.
So I ran a bit. Then I remembered an article I saw online about praying using the ABC's at night when you can't sleep. I've found this a wonderful tool. I start at the beginning of the alphabet and pray for all the people I know with names that begin with A. I never make it through the alphabet (too bad for people with Z names like me!) But it has helped my insomnia.
Today, I tried praying for people. But again, I just felt mean and miserable. Maybe I should pray for me, I thought. And just then a fresh breeze tossled my hair. I always feel like the Holy Spirit is talking to me when this happens.
I had my radio tuned to a Christian station. Some beautiful songs with lovely lyrics came on. My heart opened. I asked God to speak to me.
And this is some of what was revealed to me. As I prayed and said each letter, walking and breathing, these are some of the words that came to mind.
A: Alpha. God is the beginning of All. Always. Amazing. The Air we breathe. Almighty. Awe inspiring.
B: Beginning. Being. Beautiful. Breathe. Bible.
C: Creation. Compassion. I stopped here for a moment and pondered. My compassion lately for others seems to be lacking. I wonder if all this focus on me and my exercise has turned my sight so far inward that I have forgotten how to care? I thought about the name of my blog: Soulrunnings. I have been focusing on running, getting into shape losing weight. But what about the "Soul" in Soulrunnings? Perhaps I need to exercise my soul!
D: Day. Today is what I have. This day. Determination. Dedication.
E: Eternity. Earth. Everlasting.
F: Family. Faith. Friendship. Forgiveness. I thought about who I needed to forgive. I need to forgive myself most of all.
G: GOD! Goodness. Grace. Giving of myself. Generosity.
H: Health. Happiness. Heaven.
I: I need more prayer, more faith, more God!
J: Jesus! :) Justice.
K: Kingdom. King. Knowledge
L: Love, Light, Live, Lord.
M: Mother.Mothering. I pondered mothers for a bit. I pondered my own act of mothering. How difficult, but how deeply rewarding. And how I carry so much guilt. Mercy.
O: Others. One.
P: Powerful. Prayer. Path.
R: River. Return.
S: Spirit. Sunshine. Son. Serve.
T: Trees. Truth. Trust.
U: Understanding. Unbelievable. Unshaken. Undeniable. Universe.
W: Wonder. World. We.
X: eXtraordinary! eXcitement!
Z: Me (Zita)
So much more passed through my heart today. Too much to digest. Some things too personal to share. Some things I don't quite even know how to put into words. But I finally was able to pray. For this world. For my friends, family, strangers, those who have hurt me and thoseI have hurt. But mostly for my heart and my soul to strengthen with love and faith. So that this is a journey not only to elevate my health and body, but to heal my heart and strengthen my soul.
And that is why I named this blog Soulrunnings.
After I returned home, more humble yet peaceful, I turned to my Jesus Calling devotional for today. And I read:
"The world is too much with you, my child. Your mind leaps from problem to problem to problem, tangling your thoughts in anxious knots. When you think like that, you leave Me out of your world-view and your mind becomes darkened. Though I yearn to help, I will not violate your freedom. I stand silently in the background of your mind, waiting for you to remember that I am with you."
~Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence by Sarah Young
Blessings to all.