I had another dark night of my soul. I had been watching the news all day about the terrorist attacks in Brussels. Praying for them. I woke at 4 a.m. and checked the breaking news. I felt pretty good, but knew 4 a.m. would be too early to rise. I thought since I was on break, another 4 hours would be good rest for me. Not so! I fell back to sleep until 9:30 a.m. Intense, disturbing dreams. Not about terrorists, but scenes from my past that I regret.
I forced myself out of bed. I made a mango smoothie (frozen chunks of mango, almond milk, a bit of honey, flax seed meal, turmeric and ginger). Wow, that was a nice start to me feeling more human! I have been focusing each day on adding more veggies and a bit more fruit to my diet.
After my smoothie, I did about 20 minutes of yoga. Then I stepped on the scale and smiled. My dark night dreams starting to fade into the mist. I am back under 190 again. 189. One step forward, two steps back this life of mine is!
I set another monthly goal on weightcommander.com. I am getting brave here. I set a goal of 180 by April 23rd.
I do not have time to pussy foot around any longer! I think this week of spring break is a good mirror for me. To see how I respond to the stress of deadlines, performance, catching buses, motivating students. I eat! And way too often in restaurants which does pack on the pounds.
In a few days I am going to devise a work week eating plan, yet again. But for now I am going to share my psalm of the day and hightail it to the gym! I actually have one adult student this evening. And my daughter has her crockpot meal cooking. It smells divine - Greek Lemon Chicken Soup!
For breakfast, I stir fried some pre-made polenta, with baby carrots, green and red peppers, onions and chicken sausage. Topped it with a bit of feta and black olives. With a slice of grapefruit on the side.
The jicama I bought a few days ago has gone a long way and is still only half eaten. (It was a very large jicama!). I shave off thin slices and drizzle it with lime juice. Nice, fresh, clean taste!
I sat down for some time with God and bible study this morning. I felt very discouraged about my life. And lo and behold when I opened my Beth Moore book, what scripture do I see quoted? This is amazing. Thank you God! When will I learn to let go and just trust You?!
I forced myself out of bed. I made a mango smoothie (frozen chunks of mango, almond milk, a bit of honey, flax seed meal, turmeric and ginger). Wow, that was a nice start to me feeling more human! I have been focusing each day on adding more veggies and a bit more fruit to my diet.
After my smoothie, I did about 20 minutes of yoga. Then I stepped on the scale and smiled. My dark night dreams starting to fade into the mist. I am back under 190 again. 189. One step forward, two steps back this life of mine is!
I set another monthly goal on weightcommander.com. I am getting brave here. I set a goal of 180 by April 23rd.
I do not have time to pussy foot around any longer! I think this week of spring break is a good mirror for me. To see how I respond to the stress of deadlines, performance, catching buses, motivating students. I eat! And way too often in restaurants which does pack on the pounds.
In a few days I am going to devise a work week eating plan, yet again. But for now I am going to share my psalm of the day and hightail it to the gym! I actually have one adult student this evening. And my daughter has her crockpot meal cooking. It smells divine - Greek Lemon Chicken Soup!
For breakfast, I stir fried some pre-made polenta, with baby carrots, green and red peppers, onions and chicken sausage. Topped it with a bit of feta and black olives. With a slice of grapefruit on the side.
The jicama I bought a few days ago has gone a long way and is still only half eaten. (It was a very large jicama!). I shave off thin slices and drizzle it with lime juice. Nice, fresh, clean taste!
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| Jicama, baby carrots, grapefruit and migas! Very colorful and clean tasting! |
I sat down for some time with God and bible study this morning. I felt very discouraged about my life. And lo and behold when I opened my Beth Moore book, what scripture do I see quoted? This is amazing. Thank you God! When will I learn to let go and just trust You?!
Isaiah 43: 18-19
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."
My psalm of the day is Psalm 13, which is known as a psalm of "individual lament". Well that is appropriate for the state of my soul. And for this world for that matter. This translation is from my Revised Grail Psalms. I carry this book with me quite often. I prefer this translation to others.
Psalm 13
"How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I bear grief in my soul,
have sorrow in my heart all day long?
How long shall my enemy prevail over me?
Look, answer me, LORD my God!
Give light to my eyes lest I fall asleep in death;
lest my enemy say, “I have overcome him”;
lest my foes rejoice when they see me fall.
As for me, I trust in your merciful love.
Let my heart rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD who has been bountiful with me.
I will sing psalms to the name of the LORD Most High."
I just googled "psalms of lament" and found this timely article on americancatholic.org. It was published in March of 2002. The introduction says:
"As we recover from the September 11 attacks, lamentations—prayers triggered by suffering—can help guide our way. "
This is an excellent article which I intend on studying later, after my trip to the gym. Actually, I think today would be a good day to walk the trail. Much on my mind. And the chicken soup will be done in 30 minutes!
Until then, I leave you with this quote. It is very timely after the recent attacks in Brussels, but really applicable to all people, of all generations. Truly we struggle with our humanity as did our ancestors. Nothing new under the sun!
"Negativity, injustice, hatred, brokenness are part of our lives and part of our world. In the face of this, we can have an instinctive feeling for retaliation in kind, for returning hatred with hatred. I do feel pain, hurt and anger, but these are not a good basis on which to act. The fact that I feel a certain way does not give me permission to go out and dump my negativity wherever and on whomever I want. Lament suggests that it is all right to express our uncensored feelings before God."
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