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Year Two, Day 167: Testosterone and the Man Pause!

I am in my library office.

I just returned the DVD "Man on Fire" with Denzel Washington that H, formally known as R recommended.

Stellar movie!

I picked up "Savages", another HFNAR recommendation.
HFNAR and I are proceeding nicely into platonic friendship.  Let's keep it that way.

So, anyway... I had a nice dinner with my friend D last night.

We met on one of the dating apps right before I deleted my account.

I am feeling a little overwhelmed by the dating apps.  I am feeling the need to come back down to earth. Be more authentic.

But I am still feeling shall I say this....vibrant?

My friend D is older than me. Very nice man. Very easy to talk to.  I think just friend material though.

But I confided in him.

And amazingly, I think he figured out the puzzle that is me!

You see, I went through menopause early. At age 40.  Almost 15 years ago!

And since then I have not really dated.

I had a hard time with the hot flashes and erratic mood swings. My doctor suggested hormone therapy, but I declined.  I was determined to get healthy without meds.

It has been a long, slow, uphill climb.

I weaned myself off of antidepressants. Started eating healthier and exercising. Back then it was just walking. Now I am going to the gym 4 to 5 days a week and still walking.

For the last 15 years, (my "Man Pause" years, lol!), I delved deep into my spirituality. Read the bible daily, prayed incessantly, tried several churches and retreats and read many books of a spiritual nature.

But in the last few months (ever since I met HFNAR), I feel like I have woken up from a deep sleep.

Like Sleeping Beauty!  Or maybe Sleeping Beauty's great aunt?  And I didn't get a kiss from Prince Charming, I just got a "Hello Beautiful" from HFNAR.  And some lovely turkey sandwiches.

Hey, my life is no fairy tale!

But the interesting thing is I feel practically manic with vibrant energy, and to put it delicately, quite womanly!

My friend D thinks that I am on the other side of menopause.

That gave me "pause".  I thought menopause was like a permanent change. I never considered that I would emerge and go to a different level!

So I did some research.

And indeed, since I have started exercising, lost weight, lessened my stress and most importantly started lifting weights, I have increased my testosterone. Which can be very positive in some women.



I think we are on to something!

However, I am Christian.  Which I do not take lightly.

And coincidentally, or not, the pastor of my church read from 1Thessalonians 4: 3-4 today:

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor..."

Perhaps it is time to think about again marriage some day?

Sigh. Back to the ads? Not sure if I have the strength!

I do have one love interest.  But not sure if he is on the same page.  Will just wait and see.  Am not quite ready to talk about him.  Let's just call him "H".

I did learn a lesson from HFNAR to be patient and annoyingly authentic.

In the meantime, perhaps a visit to the doctor is in order?

Happy Sunday! :)


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