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Year Three, Day 18: Love, Always

My prediction came true.

I am indeed suffering from a food and social interaction hangover.

Oy.

In retrospect, I think I should prepare myself in advance for such events. I knew there was going to be a barbecue. I should have told myself in advance what I was "allowed" to eat.  Certainly not what amounted to about a POUND of potato chips!

I did, however avoid all the gluten. I ate my burger wrapped in lettuce. I avoided the brownies and cake.  High five to me for that!

Also, I knew that I would be surrounded by my daughter and son-in-law's bible study friends.  I should have put on a more happy-go-lucky, kind, caring face. Instead of retreating into turtle mode.

I knew one of their very outgoing friends ("G") would be there. We all love him. But we do agree he likes to be the center of attention. He likes to poke fun (in a loving way) at people.  He has a quick wit and an incredible memory for details.  Unfortunately he also has a bad heart.  My first mistake was to sit down at the table in front of the bag of chips. Second mistake was to sit by "G". We started talking and immediately he started into a barrage of puns and jokes.

"You're punny", I smiled.

But he was on a roll.  I couldn't keep up with his one liners. So I reached for the chips.  Again and again.  Until my daughter, bless her heart, grabbed the chips and put them on the next table.

I was filled with remorse this morning. And a headache. And feeling tired and achy.

Food/social interaction hangover.

I made myself do my walk/run for black coffee. On the walk home, negative thoughts and memories swirled around in my head.  It was a battle.

But I just kept putting one foot in front of the other.  I made it back home in time to fold my laundry and freshen up for my office job.

Once I got to the office I started feeling better. The hot, bitter black coffee pierced my brain fog.  Since the office had been closed Monday, there was plenty to do to get caught up. The caffeine kicked in and I went into work mode.

I was alone most of the morning. A few phone calls. Plenty of tasks. Before I knew it, my shift was almost over. I glanced at the clock. Noon. Just then the door opened and in walked "R"!

I was so happy to see him. He sat and visited with me. I told him about my potato chip incident. He commiserated with me. We talked a bit about addictions. But he told me I looked "happy and healthy" and not to beat myself up about the chips.  I smiled. But I am determined to overcome my chip addiction, I told myself (inside my head).

Out of the blue, R asked, "How long has it been since you had a boyfriend?"

I hesitated. Seconds ticked by.

"A very long time", I admitted. I told him I had a close call with a bus driver last year that I narrowly escaped. I told him I have friends. But no serious romance for over 10 years.

"It's been 8 years for me", he admitted.

I told him I had tried dating sites, but usually with disastrous results. It was fun to search, but then it always felt forced.

"Like shopping for a date", he said.

"Yes!", I exclaimed.  We smiled at each other.  Mutual understanding. It felt nice.

Then he stood up. His meeting was about to start.

And I had more work to do. At my office job, later this afternoon teaching, this evening at choir practice.

But mostly on myself. I am a work in progress!

I am going to attempt to eat a small breakfast, substantial lunch and then just fruit and water after 4:00 p.m. this week.

I stopped for lunch at Best Buffet.  Lunch is only $7.25 there. I was very wise with my food choices. Mostly vegetables, a bit of meat (sauteed, not fried!), a small service of rice, fresh fruit and iced tea.  I stayed within my food budget today and my calorie budget!


 After lunch, I had my usual wonderful students.  But I was overwhelmed with emotion on the way to my last student of the evening.  Tuesdays I transfer buses at the Hollywood Transit Center. Where the stabbing occurred last week.  It has been transformed into a shrine for the heroes.  I wanted to sink to my knees and sob and pray.  But I had one more student and choir practice.  This is still so raw and painful. I cannot imagine how the loved ones of the victims (and the perpetrator!) are feeling.

My struggles pail in comparison.







 I have no more words. Blessings to you all.



Talk to you tomorrow.

I think I will be focusing on the fruit of the spirit "Self Control" (Galatians 5:22-24) for the week.

I will also be focusing on Love.  Always.

Love,

Zita

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