Year Two, Day 356: I Can See Clearly Now...

...the rain has gone!

But alas, I am a bit under the weather today. Ok. WAY under the weather. Because the weather is epic today!

My mood was REALLY low this morning. I'd say about a 2 on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being severely depressed, 10 being ecstatic). I did not sleep well last night.

 

But I saw the sun peeking through my blinds. And I remembered the weather forecast - they are saying a high of 80 degrees Farhrenheit today!  And I remember my commitment to DO!

So I forced myself to get up and put on my running shoes. I did my brisk walk to the gas station for my coffee reward. It is 3/4 mile to the gas station. I knew I would not make the bus back in time to make it to my office job if I waited for the next bus, so I also walked 3/4 mile back home.

THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED!  

On the way back, steaming mug of creamy, caffeinated goodness in hand, birds singing, gentle warm breeze blowing, I thought, "There is no easy answer. No happiness pill. I have to put forth the effort. It is hard to get going. But the rewards are endless!"

By the time I got home, my blood was flowing, my lungs expanding with warm, spring air, my mind alert.  I went from a 2 to about a 6 in roughly 20 minutes.

Compare this to taking an antidepressant, and not doing the work.  Just popping a pill to feel better. I am resisting going back to that mentality!

I got on the scale this morning, and I am down a pound from yesterday.  I am determined to stick to my eating and exercise plan.  I will be starting year three of this blog in 9 days!

I am thankful that I have been pretty diligent about tracking my weight. I use weightcommander.com.

It is free.  Here is a chart of every Wednesday that I input my weight for the past 7 years.  Notice the dates I highlighted. Today I am 191.80 pounds. On 05/18 2011, roughly 7 years ago, I weighed in at 229 pounds.  

As I said yesterday, I showed progress, even when I was not 100% engaged.

I am shooting for 100% now!  I know I will have low days, today being one of them. But I will keep on keeping on!

Progress! :)

It is so beautiful outside, I went out twice to check the mail.  And then I took a second look at the church sign.  Our church sign changer always tags me in a post on Facebook with our new sign message. The pastor rocks with her sign messages! I like to think of the people driving by. How many of them will read the sign, and be forever changed?

Speaking of change, which I am currently all about, look at this week's sign....It is a sign!!

A Sign!

 But my mood took another nose dive at my morning office job. One of the church members brought in some negativity. I tried to listen to her complaints, and help solve them the best I could. Tried to be supportive, but in my vulnerable state, my stomach started to churn.

Her problems mostly solved, she left, after apologizing for being a bit grumpy. I told her not to worry.  But my spirits had dampened. I know I need to work on rising above, and not letting someone else's energy deplete mine. It has been a lifelong struggle.

If someone is sad, blue, or in crisis and I can help, I soar. I love to help! But if I am feeling criticized, judged or blamed, I retreat into my turtle shell.  

I guess awareness is the first step to recovery, right? But is recovery possible for an overly sensitive, introvert with chronic depression and anxiety?  I am definitely at the end of MY comfort zone!

Sigh.  A work in progress I am.

But, still. That glorious sunshine!

And now for my daily food log:

Food Log, May 3, 2017

• 9:30 a.m. 1 12 oz mug coffee with three creamers and 1 package sugar (204 cals)..I think I will stick with black tea most days!
• 10:30 a.m. 1 serving "Umpqua Oats Insane Grains  - Oatmeal with Quinoa & Chia" with 1 teaspoon butter - (242 cals)
• 12:30 p.m. sliced carrots and 1 oz "LaTerra Fina Greek Yogurt Dip with spinach, artichoke and parmesan (50 cals). 10 Trader Joes Popped Barbecue potato chips (60 cals). 1 cube turkey Spam (40 cals)
• 4:00 p.m. Chicken Katsu, White Rice, Spam Musubi and a Diet Coke at L&L Hawaiin Barbecue on SE 82nd and Holgate.  I was feeling the need for comfort food.  And comfort I got.  But it was about 800 calories worth!  My belly and my mood might suffer tomorrow. Chicken Katsu is deep fried.  But for now I am happy.  I am a sucker for spam musubi!

Spam Musubi

• It is now 4:45 p.m. I am at the library blogging before my next student. No Greek keyboard here!  It really is a glorious day outside. I packed an orange for my evening snack. I am at 1,394 calories right now. An orange has 45 cals, so I will have to stop eating after the orange if I want to stick to my plan. I shall!
•  Predicted Grand Total (Will report back tomorrow on actual): 1,399 cals
• My goal is 1,500 cals a day or less. If I just stick with that orange, and perhaps an unsweetened iced tea I will make it! Three days in a row....Woot Woot!

A positive part of my day is that my new eyeglasses had arrived!  The frames are similar to my old ones, but a bit more purple.  The lenses are stronger. Blind as a bat I am! It is nice to see clearly again!  Perhaps it will give me more "insight". ;) Today was a roller coaster of a day. But I am sticking to my plan.  Putting one foot in front of the other.

New Glasses

Today I am focusing on the fruit of the spirit: "Joy" (From Galatians 5:22-23).  It is challenging feeling joyful under the cloud of depression, but I usually break through. The sunshine helps!

On that note, I wish you a Happy Wednesday! :)

Talk to you tomorrow...

Love,
Zita