But alas, I am a bit under the weather today. Ok. WAY under the weather. Because the weather is epic today!
My mood was REALLY low this morning. I'd say about a 2 on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being severely depressed, 10 being ecstatic). I did not sleep well last night.
But I saw the sun peeking through my blinds. And I remembered the weather forecast - they are saying a high of 80 degrees Farhrenheit today! And I remember my commitment to DO!
So I forced myself to get up and put on my running shoes. I did my brisk walk to the gas station for my coffee reward. It is 3/4 mile to the gas station. I knew I would not make the bus back in time to make it to my office job if I waited for the next bus, so I also walked 3/4 mile back home.
THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED!
On the way back, steaming mug of creamy, caffeinated goodness in hand, birds singing, gentle warm breeze blowing, I thought, "There is no easy answer. No happiness pill. I have to put forth the effort. It is hard to get going. But the rewards are endless!"
By the time I got home, my blood was flowing, my lungs expanding with warm, spring air, my mind alert. I went from a 2 to about a 6 in roughly 20 minutes.
Compare this to taking an antidepressant, and not doing the work. Just popping a pill to feel better. I am resisting going back to that mentality!
I got on the scale this morning, and I am down a pound from yesterday. I am determined to stick to my eating and exercise plan. I will be starting year three of this blog in 9 days!
I am thankful that I have been pretty diligent about tracking my weight. I use weightcommander.com.
It is free. Here is a chart of every Wednesday that I input my weight for the past 7 years. Notice the dates I highlighted. Today I am 191.80 pounds. On 05/18 2011, roughly 7 years ago, I weighed in at 229 pounds.
As I said yesterday, I showed progress, even when I was not 100% engaged.
I am shooting for 100% now! I know I will have low days, today being one of them. But I will keep on keeping on!
But my mood took another nose dive at my morning office job. One of the church members brought in some negativity. I tried to listen to her complaints, and help solve them the best I could. Tried to be supportive, but in my vulnerable state, my stomach started to churn.
Her problems mostly solved, she left, after apologizing for being a bit grumpy. I told her not to worry. But my spirits had dampened. I know I need to work on rising above, and not letting someone else's energy deplete mine. It has been a lifelong struggle.
If someone is sad, blue, or in crisis and I can help, I soar. I love to help! But if I am feeling criticized, judged or blamed, I retreat into my turtle shell.
I guess awareness is the first step to recovery, right? But is recovery possible for an overly sensitive, introvert with chronic depression and anxiety? I am definitely at the end of MY comfort zone!
Sigh. A work in progress I am.
But, still. That glorious sunshine!
And now for my daily food log:
Food Log, May 3, 2017
- 9:30 a.m. 1 12 oz mug coffee with three creamers and 1 package sugar (204 cals)..I think I will stick with black tea most days!
- 10:30 a.m. 1 serving "Umpqua Oats Insane Grains - Oatmeal with Quinoa & Chia" with 1 teaspoon butter - (242 cals)
- 12:30 p.m. sliced carrots and 1 oz "LaTerra Fina Greek Yogurt Dip with spinach, artichoke and parmesan (50 cals). 10 Trader Joes Popped Barbecue potato chips (60 cals). 1 cube turkey Spam (40 cals)
- 4:00 p.m. Chicken Katsu, White Rice, Spam Musubi and a Diet Coke at L&L Hawaiin Barbecue on SE 82nd and Holgate. I was feeling the need for comfort food. And comfort I got. But it was about 800 calories worth! My belly and my mood might suffer tomorrow. Chicken Katsu is deep fried. But for now I am happy. I am a sucker for spam musubi!
- It is now 4:45 p.m. I am at the library blogging before my next student. No Greek keyboard here! It really is a glorious day outside. I packed an orange for my evening snack. I am at 1,394 calories right now. An orange has 45 cals, so I will have to stop eating after the orange if I want to stick to my plan. I shall!
- Predicted Grand Total (Will report back tomorrow on actual): 1,399 cals
- My goal is 1,500 cals a day or less. If I just stick with that orange, and perhaps an unsweetened iced tea I will make it! Three days in a row....Woot Woot!
On that note, I wish you a Happy Wednesday! :)
Talk to you tomorrow...