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Day 143: My Blog of Shame

Me before the big chorizo burrito incident.

No after picture.  Believe me, it was not pretty. ;)

Verde salad, chicken tamale, salsa and water at:

Pepino's Mexican Grill

Mexican Restaurant · Richmond
3832 SE Hawthorne Blvd (at SE 38th Ave), Portland, OR 97214

I kind of messed up this morning. I admit it.  The above picture is my meal on Sunday at Pepino's.  Very healthy.  Yes, there is some cheese on that salad, but this is a nice gluten free meal.  And I felt good afterwards.

But today, I did not make a very wise food choice. And I am humbly confessing here on my blog to hopefully shame myself into making a better choice next time!  

Ok. So this morning I was so proud of myself for getting up early and making it to Mass, that I went out for breakfast at Teco's.  There was some nostalgia involved in this decision. Years ago, when I was going through some dark times, I attended the Novena of Grace at St. Ignatius.  9 days of Mass and specific prayer.  I would go to Mass, pray, cry and then crawl across the street to Teco's for a breakfast burrito and coffee. I was not eating meat at the time, so I would just have eggs and potatoes in a tortilla. And it was very comforting.

Today, I did not plan my meal. I was very tired. And felt fragile, in need of comfort. So as if in a trance I went to Teco's and ordered a chorizo breakfast burrito and coffee.  It was GINORMOUS! I realized I didn't specify "small".  Halfway through, I stopped and asked myself, "What are you doing?! This tortilla is flour!"  Arggg...I left part of the tortilla on my plate and inhaled the rest of the eggs and chorizo. (It was most delicious!)

Then I took the bus home berating myself and feeling very guilty. I should have taken an "after the big chorizo burrito burrito incident". lol I can only imagine.  You've seen those guilty dog videos?  Yup.  That was how I felt!

First of all, I could have specified a corn tortilla, or asked if I could sub something for the tortilla like beans.

Secondly, I could have ordered a small breakfast burrito.

And last but not least, I did not really need to beat myself up for being human!

In my quest for self improvement, I fear I am sometimes seeking perfection. Which I do not believe is possible in this world. And not all that healthy.

I went home and did some yoga stretches and lay down and gave myself a tennis ball trigger point massage.  It helped.

If you are not familiar with tennis ball massage, it's just two tennis balls duct taped together. Lay down with one on either side of your spine and let your body weight do the work. I lay there and breathed and worked out some tension.

I packed a very healthy dinner for my teaching route today: A banana, an apple, a nori wrap filled with brown rice, green onions and spinach (the rice is mixed with a bit of soy sauce, rice vinegar and hot sauce), a yogurt and one of my power bars.

Lately, I have been having mild moments of panic on the road when I realized my food is running out.

Yesterday I bought a pepperoni stick and a bag of nuts. Both were really salty.  No wonder I have been tired and sluggish.

But no need to be mad at myself. This is a journey of learning.

I really enjoy going to Mass early. Today as I regretted my food choice and was feeling really tired and depressed, I wondered if maybe I didn't need to go to Mass weekday mornings. After some pondering, I decided I do.  Part of this journey is not only to get healthy physically, but to establish a stronger spiritual life. Not to mention emotional stability and intellectual stimulation.

There is just not enough time in the day for this project called me.  I've been worried that I've become to obsessed with myself. But for so many years I put myself last. That's how I got so out of shape.  I want to be a good teacher, mother, friend, citizen of this world, child of God. But I need to get myself in balance if I want to give back at all!

I think I will alter the plan:

Go to Mass. Come STRAIGHT home and make a healthy breakfast.

I am still working on the sleep aspect.  I was "in bed" at 10 p.m. last night, but I don't think I drifted off to sleep until midnight. Admittedly I had the television on. There is a new series my daughter suggested called "Blindspot". Very suspenseful. Fascinating plot.  I enjoyed the characters. But late at night before bed, it got my pulse racing.

But I must ask myself - Do I really need to cut all enjoyment out of my life? All work and no play would make me very dull and no fun  at all to be around!

It's back to that old balance thing again.

Many things to consider here.

But I am putting one foot in front of the other. I got a good piano practice session in and did some calisthenics.

Tomorrow we begin again. Without a giant chorizo breakfast burrito!

Happy Tuesday! :) 


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