Yesterday I felt like I was watching my son walk into his first day of kindergarten all over again.
He had an appointment for a root canal. I knew he was nervous. He never liked going to the dentist as a kid. I asked if he wanted me to go with him. He shrugged. He is 23. He keeps reminding me that he is a "grown a*s man". I sensed that he wanted me to go with him. For moral support. Probably my own,
So off we went. On the way down I asked him what he had been up to. Ok. I have been worried about my son. He had a rough patch a few years back. I was afraid he had returned to his old ways, with the old crowd. Doing those bad old things. He had not been home much.
Well after a bit of detective work, I discovered to my relief that he had not returned to the path of evil. He had met a girl he likes. I exhaled. The first time in days.
But then I made the mistake of asking him about her. Too many questions. I think I have become my mother!
At the next red light, he turned to me and said, "Mom, please do not make this weird."
I got it. I held my tongue.
Until we got to the dental clinic. Where I made a fool of myself.
I walked in and said, "I am the mom. Will he need to be driven home?"
The receptionist glanced up and said he would not, since they would be just using Novacaine.
"O.k. Well I am going to just go get some coffee. Here is my cell if you need it"
She obligingly took down my number.
I felt really awkward. I felt like I wanted to be needed. I felt very motherly. I attribute it to the relief that my son had grown out of his gangster stage. But then there were some worries bubbling below the surface. Was she a nice girl? How serious were they? I stifle the thoughts.
I waved at my son and repeated that I was just going to coffee up the street. He glared at me. I told him I hoped everything would be ok.
Then I went to exit and said, "Oh I am sure you will be fine. You are a grown a*s man!"
I exited quickly. I did not want them to see me blush. I had actually said a*s in public!
I did not go straight to coffee. I went for a long walk. I felt like crying. Why did it break my heart to leave my son in the waiting room of the dentist. My heart hurt and it brought me back to his first day of kindergarten. His teacher came and asked the kids to line up. She would walk them to class. She grabbed my sons hand. He had a little backpack on. He was so proud to hold the teachers hand. I watched the little line of kids walk in the door of the school and peered through the window as they walked down the hall and into their classroom. I sobbed all the way home.
I had the same feeling today. That I could not always be there for him. I could not sit in the classroom with him. Protect him from the pain of a root canal, or the broken heart from a relationship. And at this stage, I am lucky if he wants to confide in me.
I walked for a long time. Then my spirits lifted. It was a beautiful day. As luck would have it, I had a change in my schedule. I did not have private students in the afternoon. I had agreed to sub for a teacher at the music center. Only two evening classes.
I walked to Fred Meyer and ordered a vanilla soy latte at Peets Coffee. I sat and sipped the sweet creamy brew, watching the foot traffic on Hawthorne. And I felt truly relaxed. More so than I had in ages.
The receptionist had said the procedure would last about one and a half hours. But she called me after only an hour. I was so happy to be needed. I practically skipped up the street. He did really well. He was talking to the receptionist about a payment plan for the balance his insurance did not cover. I heard them say he had really good insurance through his work. He looked proud.
He smiled when he saw me. Must have forgotten how annoying I was earlier.
"Hey Mom. They said I can eat right away. Want to go to lunch?"
Did I! We found a little Thai place up the street. The server was friendly, the food divine, and we saw the dental assistant that from the clinic at the next booth. She waved and smiled.
My son told me a little bit about the young lady he had met. We had a very nice lunch.
We stopped at the store afterwards and he told me she had just texted him. They were going to spend the afternoon together since he had taken the day off from work for his root canal. I told him I was heading to the gym. He gave me a hug.
"Thanks for coming with me, Mom. Love you."
I waved and told him to drive carefully.
Then I watched him drive off. I kept watching until he turned the corner. Just like a time nearly 18 years ago. When I watched him walk into school on the first day of kindergarten.
I guess my son is a grown a*s man.
Happy Friday!
He had an appointment for a root canal. I knew he was nervous. He never liked going to the dentist as a kid. I asked if he wanted me to go with him. He shrugged. He is 23. He keeps reminding me that he is a "grown a*s man". I sensed that he wanted me to go with him. For moral support. Probably my own,
So off we went. On the way down I asked him what he had been up to. Ok. I have been worried about my son. He had a rough patch a few years back. I was afraid he had returned to his old ways, with the old crowd. Doing those bad old things. He had not been home much.
Well after a bit of detective work, I discovered to my relief that he had not returned to the path of evil. He had met a girl he likes. I exhaled. The first time in days.
But then I made the mistake of asking him about her. Too many questions. I think I have become my mother!
At the next red light, he turned to me and said, "Mom, please do not make this weird."
I got it. I held my tongue.
Until we got to the dental clinic. Where I made a fool of myself.
I walked in and said, "I am the mom. Will he need to be driven home?"
The receptionist glanced up and said he would not, since they would be just using Novacaine.
"O.k. Well I am going to just go get some coffee. Here is my cell if you need it"
She obligingly took down my number.
I felt really awkward. I felt like I wanted to be needed. I felt very motherly. I attribute it to the relief that my son had grown out of his gangster stage. But then there were some worries bubbling below the surface. Was she a nice girl? How serious were they? I stifle the thoughts.
I waved at my son and repeated that I was just going to coffee up the street. He glared at me. I told him I hoped everything would be ok.
Then I went to exit and said, "Oh I am sure you will be fine. You are a grown a*s man!"
I exited quickly. I did not want them to see me blush. I had actually said a*s in public!
I did not go straight to coffee. I went for a long walk. I felt like crying. Why did it break my heart to leave my son in the waiting room of the dentist. My heart hurt and it brought me back to his first day of kindergarten. His teacher came and asked the kids to line up. She would walk them to class. She grabbed my sons hand. He had a little backpack on. He was so proud to hold the teachers hand. I watched the little line of kids walk in the door of the school and peered through the window as they walked down the hall and into their classroom. I sobbed all the way home.
I had the same feeling today. That I could not always be there for him. I could not sit in the classroom with him. Protect him from the pain of a root canal, or the broken heart from a relationship. And at this stage, I am lucky if he wants to confide in me.
I walked for a long time. Then my spirits lifted. It was a beautiful day. As luck would have it, I had a change in my schedule. I did not have private students in the afternoon. I had agreed to sub for a teacher at the music center. Only two evening classes.
I walked to Fred Meyer and ordered a vanilla soy latte at Peets Coffee. I sat and sipped the sweet creamy brew, watching the foot traffic on Hawthorne. And I felt truly relaxed. More so than I had in ages.
The receptionist had said the procedure would last about one and a half hours. But she called me after only an hour. I was so happy to be needed. I practically skipped up the street. He did really well. He was talking to the receptionist about a payment plan for the balance his insurance did not cover. I heard them say he had really good insurance through his work. He looked proud.
He smiled when he saw me. Must have forgotten how annoying I was earlier.
"Hey Mom. They said I can eat right away. Want to go to lunch?"
Did I! We found a little Thai place up the street. The server was friendly, the food divine, and we saw the dental assistant that from the clinic at the next booth. She waved and smiled.
My son told me a little bit about the young lady he had met. We had a very nice lunch.
We stopped at the store afterwards and he told me she had just texted him. They were going to spend the afternoon together since he had taken the day off from work for his root canal. I told him I was heading to the gym. He gave me a hug.
"Thanks for coming with me, Mom. Love you."
I waved and told him to drive carefully.
Then I watched him drive off. I kept watching until he turned the corner. Just like a time nearly 18 years ago. When I watched him walk into school on the first day of kindergarten.
I guess my son is a grown a*s man.
Happy Friday!
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