I have been seriously stressed out.
I have been telling people that the Mozart Requiem will be the death of me. Suiting - it is a funeral mass!
LOL
But joking aside, I have had serious self esteem issues. Feeling like a failure. Lazy. A procrastinator. Poor musical skills. How can I even call myself a musician?
My neck hurt, my elbow hurt. My pride hurt.
I have been in this place before. Of self doubt. But somehow I pulled myself up. Well, I had help. I prayed. I asked God to give me the strength to get myself together. To get over my fears. To just put my nose to the proverbial grindstone.
Today I stayed home all day and practiced. I took breaks to eat, to stretch and to pray. Before rehearsal I stopped at the little used bookstore by the music store and rewarded myself for my hard work.
Then I rewarded myself yet again (and prepared myself for rehearsal) with a "Grande Iced Caramel Macchiato" from Starbucks.
On the way into the music center, I ran into some choir members. One of the basses and his wife. I did a sectional with the basses at their house this last weekend. The wife gave me a ride home. I confided in her that I was tired and sore and worried about not being able to play my part. Later that evening, I embarrassingly regretted whining. Deep down I had a feeling I would conquer. And I did not want to leave one of the choir members with the impression that I was insecure.
I greeted them and apologized to her for being so cranky. She smiled and gave me a hug.
"You were tired! That is why we have this for you!", she handed me an envelope.
In it was a gift certificate for a massage! I almost broke down and cried right then. I hugged her again and thanked her.
And rehearsal was a success! The other pianist and I are getting to know one another and playing well together. The director was pleased and the choir applauded their pianists, including yours truly!
I am soaring high. I am going to reward myself yet again with an episode of the sopranos. NO popcorn. NO chocolate. Tomorrow I am rewarding myself yet again with a long workout at the gym and a soak in the hot tub.
And I am going to schedule that much needed massage!
Happy Tuesday!
I have been telling people that the Mozart Requiem will be the death of me. Suiting - it is a funeral mass!
LOL
But joking aside, I have had serious self esteem issues. Feeling like a failure. Lazy. A procrastinator. Poor musical skills. How can I even call myself a musician?
My neck hurt, my elbow hurt. My pride hurt.
I have been in this place before. Of self doubt. But somehow I pulled myself up. Well, I had help. I prayed. I asked God to give me the strength to get myself together. To get over my fears. To just put my nose to the proverbial grindstone.
Today I stayed home all day and practiced. I took breaks to eat, to stretch and to pray. Before rehearsal I stopped at the little used bookstore by the music store and rewarded myself for my hard work.
Then I rewarded myself yet again (and prepared myself for rehearsal) with a "Grande Iced Caramel Macchiato" from Starbucks.
On the way into the music center, I ran into some choir members. One of the basses and his wife. I did a sectional with the basses at their house this last weekend. The wife gave me a ride home. I confided in her that I was tired and sore and worried about not being able to play my part. Later that evening, I embarrassingly regretted whining. Deep down I had a feeling I would conquer. And I did not want to leave one of the choir members with the impression that I was insecure.
I greeted them and apologized to her for being so cranky. She smiled and gave me a hug.
"You were tired! That is why we have this for you!", she handed me an envelope.
In it was a gift certificate for a massage! I almost broke down and cried right then. I hugged her again and thanked her.
And rehearsal was a success! The other pianist and I are getting to know one another and playing well together. The director was pleased and the choir applauded their pianists, including yours truly!
I am soaring high. I am going to reward myself yet again with an episode of the sopranos. NO popcorn. NO chocolate. Tomorrow I am rewarding myself yet again with a long workout at the gym and a soak in the hot tub.
And I am going to schedule that much needed massage!
Happy Tuesday!
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