|On my way to an interview. Very happy!|
|Trying to look cool, calm and collected.|
I had an audition and interview last night for a community choir accompanist.
Have I mentioned I have this peculiar behavior at interviews? One would think that, I, as an introvert would dread interviews. Would be quaking in my boots. But no! I THRIVE on them!
I have noticed this for many years. I do not even care really if I get the job. I just love when they ask me questions about myself. I could go on for days! And I love being challenged with sightreading.
Oh my goodness. Does this make me a narcissist? Like Trump?
I just did some research. And breathed a sigh of relief. I am not a narcissist. A ham, perhaps. And yes I have a few issues. I do like taking selfies. (Mostly to see if my face looks puffy). But I do not think I am a classical narcissist. I have compassion for others, I do not "require excessive admiration" - my favorite activity is reading a book alone. I do not have "an exaggerated sense of self importance", nor am I "preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success of power".
In case you are curious, here is the article I consulted: http://bigthink.com/artful-choice/less-than-artful-choices-narcissistic-personality-disorder-according-to-donald-trump
But this alter ego that emerges during interviews is quite perplexing. And it has given me some grief. I present this really outspoken, friendly, dynamic person at the interview, but in real life, I am quiet and usually serious. And introverted. I could rationalize that it is just nerves. But I am not nervous. I am excited, and quite pleased to be talking about the wonders of me!
I try to control this other personality that pops up. But I just become more giddy and animated. Sigh.
So I did it again. I went in, shook hands and sat down in a circle with the panel of interviewers. They handed me a list of questions. The first one, was "Tell us a little about yourself and your historical and current interface with music".
I looked at them and smiled. "How much time do we have?", I asked before I launched into a narrative of my life dating back to 1965 (I was 3 when I learned how to play the piano).
Honestly, it was a great interview. The group was very enthusiastic about music and they listened to my solliloque good-naturedly. They had me sightread some choral music. Piece of cake. But this one piece, called "Gabriella’s Song", a Swedish song from a movie, nearly had me in tears. It was so beautiful! One of the women sings in a Scandinavian chorus. She wrote down the title for me. It was from the movie "As it is in Heaven". The English translation of the lyrics are:
Right now is when I’m alive
I have got this time here on Earth
And my longing has brought me here
All I lack and all I’ve gained
It is still the way that I chose
My trust went far beyond words
It has shown me a little bit
Of the heaven I never found
I must feel that I am living
All the time I have
And I’ll live the way I choose
I must feel that I am living
Knowing I was good enough
I have never forgotten my past
I have only left it sleeping
Maybe I never had a choice
Only willing to be alive
I want to be happy living being who I am
Knowing I am strong and free
See how night turns into day
I am here and my life is only mine
And the heaven I thought to be
I will find it there somewhere