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Year Two, Day 297: I'm OK

I spent most of the day with people. A lot of people., And I actually enjoyed it. 

I had butterflies in my stomach this morning when I got up.  The day looming ahead of me seemed quite daunting.

Hi. My names is Zita. I am an introvert.

I used to think there was something wrong with me. I read countless self help books. Starting when I was about twelve. I can recall several titles. And now that I am typing this, I am curious. What would it be like to read them again, 43 years later?

That is a daunting thought!

I actually remember having a conscious thought. An "aha" moment. I was 12 or 13.  I thought, "I am going to think of myself as a project."

And now, 43 years later, I still think of myself as a project. 

But I am pretty much ok with myself. At last.

Here is a partial list of the books I scoured, trying to find out how to "fix" myself so that people would like me:

  1. I'm OK, You're OK, by Thomas Anthony Harris 
  2. How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie
  3. How to Be You're Own Best Friend, By Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz
  4. Jonathon Livingston Seagull, by Richard Bach
There were more. Much more. And then there were magazines. I started with "17" and then moved up to "Cosmopolitan".

But I digress.

I was talking about my day. My extremely social day.

I actually began with a lovely green tea latte at Starbucks. Alone. That was a good move. I sat and sipped and looked out the window. Played "Words with Friends" on my phone.  Made casual, idle convesation with the baristas.

Then I hopped on a bus and scooted down to Tom's for lunch with my mother.  It felt a little stressful. It was outside our usual routine. Which is breakfast and then her piano lesson.

But today we were going to my great niece's birthday party. She turns 2 in a few days.  My mom gets nervous driving to new places. I get nervous being in groups of people.  Especially people I do not know. 

Half of the people at the party I did not know.  And the other half were extended family that I had not seen in awhile.

But I was ok!  It was about my great niece, after all. And she is a precious bundle of precocious energy, topped with a head full of tossled red curls.

I made myself useful helping watch out for her.  I am realizing that my role in the family is shifting. I do not mind being the middle aged aunt that observes and helps out.  Puts less pressure on me to come up with interesting conversation.

My mother, however, the epitome of extroversion, had a blast! She came away with several plans for more family get togethers.

She dropped me off at the bus stop. I had planned on going to the old house to get my ukelele. But my daughter called from the Fred Meyer where I was waiting for the bus!  It was great timing, since I stiff have this sniffly nose, and it was a bit cold. So I met her and her husband inside and they gave me a ride to the house. They had been home all day, cleaning and boxing things up. The carpet cleaners had come. They made some serious progress!

But Honey Dawg was behaving oddly. She is very sensitive. She must know that something is happening with all the moving of furniture. She was very needy and clingy. I gave her extra hugs.

But I couldn't find my ukelele! I was most concerned. It is small and fragile. I hoped it wasn't buried somewhere.

I grabbed a few odds and ends, mostly boxes of tea. And my daughter and her husband gave me a ride home. 

My housemate was celebrating HER birthday today. She had invited me to dinner. Her mother had come down from eastern Oregon. She told me her mom reminded me of me. Bubbly and positive.

Well, I liked that! I was actually looking forward to meeting her.  I dropped off my belongings and went upstairs. 

And I had a very pleasant dinner and conversation!

I think now that I am older, my priorities have shifted. I am not so "me" focused.  I wonder if all of those self help books and magazines in my early, developmental years did more harm than good? Especially since the 60's and 70's are considered the "me generation".

So, I had to google it. This is what wikipedia had to say:
"The "Me" generation in the United States is a term referring to the baby boomer generation and the self-involved qualities that some people associate with it.[1] The 1970s were dubbed the "Me" decade by writer Tom Wolfe;[2] Christopher Lasch was another writer who commented on the rise of a culture of narcissism among the younger generation of that era.[3] The phrase caught on with the general public, at a time when "self-realization" and "self-fulfillment" were becoming cultural aspirations to which young people supposedly ascribed higher importance than social responsibility."

Interesting. So it was not just me!
It was my entire generation!!

What a relief!

So now that I am 55, I finally realize that it is not just about me.  I have said many times in this blog, that when I am down, a sure way to bring me out of my gloom and doom is to help someone in need.

Wow. What if I had this knowledge, say 43 years ago?

Where would I be now?  

But here I am. And I am still putting one foot in front of the other.

And I am OK.  And I hope you are too!

My fruit of the spirit today (from Galatians 5:22-23) is "gentleness".

Most appropriate.  I did not feel the need to brag, or seek attention. It was enough to be included.

And the few times I did feel a negative thought pop up, I asked God to bless that person, or me!

And now, I offer you peace and a Saturday blessing!

Happy Saturday!

Good night!

Zita :) 


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