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Year Two, Day 309: "Love Broke Through"

Most tired am I!

It seems that is how I begin my blogs lately.

I am physically, emotionally and spiritually tired.  I think I need to go straight to bed after I write this.

I allowed myself to sleep a little later today.  No exercise, other than walking to and from bus stops. Still, my daily walks total over 2 miles.  But once I get through this bleakness, I am going to hit the gym with a vengeance!

I had coffee with my family member in crisis. He has a new crisis that he shared with me.  It hurts my heart to see him suffer. There is so little I can do.  He is an adult.  I doubt he would take my advice, or if he even needs it. He just needs to be heard. And know I care.

But the anxiety popped up big time. All day.  Finally, I broke through this evening on my walk home. I was almost in tears. So worried.  Imaging the worst.

Then I took a deep breath.  Listened to the sound of my feet hitting the wet pavement. Felt the breeze in my hair.  Whispered a prayer to God.  And as I walked, everything suddenly seemed to get very still. And I heard a small voice from inside my soul say, "I will take care of it".

And I about broke down right there on the street.

"Thank you, God", I mumbled. "I can't do it alone."

And that is where faith comes in.  Letting go and letting God as the popular saying goes.   I really got that this evening. On a deep level.  Hard to put into words.

Funny thing. Coincidentally (or not) in my daily bible reading, I am in Exodus 15. (This is my third time reading the bible daily all the way from the beginning to the end. It brings me great comfort.)

In Exodus 15  the Israelites are complaining to Moses in the desert that they have no water to drink.  The only water they found was too bitter to drink. So Moses cries out to God. God tells Moses to throw a piece of wood in the the water. The water became sweet and they were able to drink.

Then God said, "If you listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you."

These words are like a soothing balm to the ragged edges of my soul.  Everyday I pray for stronger faith.  I am like the Israelites. Wandering through the desert. Complaining. Not trusting.  But for me, the desert is of my own making.

This is so weird, just after I typed this, I heard the lyrics from a song on the radio (K-Love)
"...When broke through, I was wandering through the desert...I was a hopeless fool, now I'm hopelessly devoted. My chains are broken...I did all I could to undo me, but you loved me enough to pursue me..."


I need to look up that song.   BRB.

Ok, it is called "Love Broke Through" by Toby Mac. Wow.  Take a look at these lyrics:

"Love Broke Through", Toby Mac (via K-Love)

Verse 1

I was feelin’ that, feelin’ that breeze
Singin’ like a song thru the tall oak trees
It was just another summer night
Had to be the last thing on my mind
Yeah, I was all but lost in the moment
I was young and runnin’ wide open
It was just another summer night
Had to be the last thing on my mind


When love broke thru
You found me in the darkness
Wanderin’ thru the desert
I was a hopeless fool
Now I’m hopelessly devoted
My chains are broken
And it all began with You
When love broke thru

Verse 2

I did all that I could to undo me
But You loved me enough to pursue me
Yeah, You drew me out of the shadows
Made me believe that I mattered, to You (You)
You were there, You heard my prayer in that broke down dusty room
It was the first time I said, “I’m Yours”
The first time I called You Lord..."

Publishing: 2015 Achtober Songs/Meaux Mercy/Moody Producer Music (BMI)/Capitol CMG Genesis/TrueMuse (Admin. at Simple Tense Songs (ASCAP)

Writer(s): Toby McKeehan, Christopher Stevens, Bart Millard and Bryan Fowler
Ok. The weight has lifted.  I am looking forward tomorrow.

Tomorrow is breakfast with Mom day. I always look forward to it. Lately we have had other random members of the family show up. It is kind of like an episode of Seinfeld.  I love it.

Then I teach all day.

After my teaching, instead of going out to dinner and sitting and thinking too much, as usual, my plan is to go to my storage facility.

In know, "Woot Woot!" Such fun on a Saturday night!

But I am quite looking forward to it.  I bought a can of those moisture eliminating pellets. I'm going to put that in my storage unit so I can take my books out and put them on the shelves. I don't like having them all cooped up in boxes and plastic bins. I want to be able to go look through them. And use them. My music too.

And I am still looking for that library book! Doesn't it bug you no end to lose something?

I have always struggled with my memory and focus. I can't imagine what I'll be like when I am a grandma!

Speaking of memory, I made a goal today.  I am considering playing the piano in the annual faculty fundraiser at the music center this spring. I haven't played for the last several years. Life was complicated. And I still have a bit of stage fright if I do not feel prepared.

So, I am going to memorize one of my favorite piano pieces.  A Chopin Nocturne. It is lovely, and not too long.  I am going to practice it until I can play it by memory. If I can master it by memory in the next few weeks, I will sign up to play.

If not, I will continue to work on it (along with a couple of other favorites).

One of my pet peeves about myself has been my inability (or refusal) to play the piano with the sheet music in front of me.  A bit of a handicap, in my opinion.

So, I am conquering things that bug me this weekend:

Clutter. Poor memory.  Lack of faith.

Wish me luck!

I will talk to you tomorrow! Hopefully more rested and cheerful!

Happy Friday!


P.S. My fruit of the spirit today was "peace".  (From Galatians 5:22-23). And inner peace is what I was struggling with.  But blogging about it helps. Prayer helps.  Letting go and letting God.

And listening to K-Love!

Tomorrow's fruit of the spirit is "patience".  As usual, the person I need to be most patient with is myself!


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